An Israeli prayer shawl, more commonly known as a Tallit, is something that many religious Israelis and religious Jews give their children as a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah present. The prayer shawl is worn the first time the new adult leads a congregation in prayer. This is why the process of choosing a shawl can be highly emotional. It can be influenced by everything from your relationship with the soon-to-be man or woman to family traditions.
In any case, you should take the time to choose the right one for them. Here are some tips to make the process a little more manageable and a little less daunting:
1. Verify the size
In general, tallits come in two sizes, the traditional large size and a smaller shawl size. The latter is made with less material and worn so that the four corners hang down in front of the person wearing it. Individuals who wear a large tallit must drape it around themselves and fold it over their shoulders.
The traditional large tallit is used mostly in Orthodox communities. However, it may also be more fitting if you have a plus-sized child. You should also consider whether your child is more inclined to observe traditional Jewish customs, which may have nothing to do with their level of religiosity.
The smaller shawl style is smaller and allows for more movement. This is perfect for someone who likes to dance while praying.
2. Involve your child directly
Although many families like to give Jewish prayer shawls as gifts, they should involve the person who will have to wear them in the decision. A bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah is a special day in the life of a young Jew. It is all about the person going through the ritual, not those who are there to observe and be a part of it. Your child should decide on the size and color of their tallit and where to buy it. They should be comfortable in the prayer shawl and excited to wear it. It should be something that they will be proud to wear for the rest of their lives.
3. Find a connection
Because the tallit is part of an important and sacred ritual, you should find one that has a special connection. Do not rule out giving your child an older relative’s tallit. If they are open to it, this can serve as a source of joy and strengthen a bond across generations. They can carry the entire story of your family history.
It is also possible to find a special connection in the story of the person who made the tallit. Your child may have already thought of this and would like to work directly with an artist whose work they love. You can also buy a tallit from social businesses like Fair Trade Judaica or Advah Designs. These artisan weavers are worth checking out.
4. Be supportive
If your child has given you hints and suggestions that they would rather select their prayer shawl all on their own, it is best to respect this wish. Even the most traditional of ceremonies must change with the times. Your child may have an idea for a prayer shawl that may be well outside your own. The best way to make the day special for them—one that they will never forget—is to give them space to wear a tallit that they can relate to.
5. Make it yourself
Not everyone has this talent, but you should think about it if you are a weaver. Indeed, if you or your child are enterprising and want to go this route, there are kits that include all the parts of a tallit and provide instructions on how to put one together step-by-step.
To summarize
Planning a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah can be stressful. For your child, it will require a great deal of studying and organizing. That is why you should give them as many options as possible in choosing their tallit. It will give them a little taste of what becoming a Jewish adult is all about.