Peace Now in the Arctic Circle?

The Arctic is not anyone's Promised Land.

Boris Celser

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In response to the Russians planting their flag under the waters of the Arctic Ocean, the Canadian government, hardly a military superpower, announced this week that it will establish two military bases in the north, in order to maintain its claims to sovereignty over the area and its underwater riches.
The United Nations, the European Union and the Vatican aren't calling Canada to task.

Last I heard, the Arctic was not anyone's Promised Land, but Canada, the United States, Russia, Denmark and Norway would disagree with me. A huge territory, Arctic distances are measured in hundreds of miles (in Israel, they are measured in centimeters).

Can anyone state why the United Nations, the European Union and the Vatican aren't calling Canada to task for its show of military muscle to safeguard its interests? Will the Norwegians be supportive of a new set of Oslo Accords to ensure the vast Arctic land is shared? Will the British send Tony Blair to mediate, or are they jealous that there remains an empire in the world where the sun never sets - albeit only in summer? The UN Human Rights Council in Geneva will not single out any of the five countries for special treatment and permanent investigation, since they have bigger fish to fry.

Will George Bush and Vladimir Putin be interested in five peoples living side-by-side in peace? Given the distances and the small number of inhabitants, it doesn't seem like a very hard task; a lot easier than forcing Sunnis, Shiites and Kurds to live together, or Jews and the 40-year-old Palestinian nation.

Where are the Arctic Policy Forum and MJ Iceberg now? Do they mind that some Eskimos may have to be kicked out of their igloos? They will have to be moved if they're considered Arctic Jews. Tradition calls for expulsion. On the other hand, the five nations in question could simply decide, Arab style, that the Eskimos never existed. They are not a distinct nation, just like the Palestinian Arabs are just Arabs; and with no Eskimo Jews around, there is no need to create a sixth terrorist - sorry, "oil-rich" - nation in the area.

The above solution also eliminates any possibility that a Holy Totem ever be rebuilt on the disputed Totem Mount, the place where, allegedly, Santa Claus's reindeer landed on the way to the North Pole.

Will this five-nation Arctic League, obviously in a league of its own, allow other countries to claim sovereignty and share the wealth? After all, in Antarctica these far away northern nations have scientific outposts and don't recognize the sovereignty of the southernmost countries. But no one has been expelled there - because there are no Jews. It's good for peace not to allow Israel to set up a base in the Arctic or in Antartica. She will be accused of creating a nakba for the polar bears and penguins. Both species' females had better vote with their wombs now.

Whether or not Israel is the Promised Land, why do so many Jews there, surrounded by 300 million Arabs in a territory second only to Russia, still want to divide up a microscopic land? Why do they want to divide their capital? Why do they kick their own people out of their homes?

Why do they behave in a way that makes them the laughingstock of the world? The Israeli media hitches a ride with the politicians, and the ordinary citizen is brainwashed since birth.

Will the Ministers of Education of Canada, US, Russia, Norway and Denmark approve a curriculum at taxpayers' expense to teach the "other side," the Eskimo nakba, in school (even though they students are all Eskimos themselves)?

Defense Minister Ehud Barak has called on Bar-Ilan University to fire Prof. Hillel Weiss simply for cursing an officer in charge of "disengaging" his daughter from Hebron. And Hebron was mostly given away to Yasser Arafat by Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, who was afraid of Bill Clinton's curses. Prof. Weiss apologized - for what? - but he didn't act on his curses. How come it is not right for a Jew in a so-called democracy to curse someone and no more, but religious Arabs stand on the Temple Mount in the heart of Jerusalem and shout, "Death to the Jews! Kill all Jews!" and nothing happens to them, even when the Jews actually get killed as a result?

In Ehud Barak's case, it is easy to explain. He does not consider the Temple Mount Jewish or Israeli territory, since, as Prime Minister, he offered it to Arafat. Arafat snubbed him by refusing the offer, so now, back as Defense Minister, Barak goes after vulnerable Jews to avenge his wounded pride. Just as men who are abused by their bosses and peers at work subsequently go home and show their wives and children who is boss. The abused tend to protect their abusers, so the Israeli people are likely to vote for Barak to lead them again.

Why do Israelis put up with this state of affairs? Why has Israel chosen to falsify its own history? Is this socialism? Zionism? Post-Zionism? Corruption? Plain madness?
It's good for peace not to allow Israel to set up a base in the Arctic.

Santa may have to take sides in the Arctic dispute, but he can fly away if need be. The Mediterranean Sea may be warmer than the Arctic Ocean, but Israelis may have to swim if they don't stop believing in a beardless, fat, old man from Sycamore Ranch and his Jerusalem elves bringing gifts out of season. It's easy to tell a fake - the real Santa always returns home with an empty bag.

At a time when Obama may take power and Osama is still at large, can Canada take over Israel's original moral role and use its geographic location in order to stop Allahbama and Allahska from building a pipeline of evil and taking over the Arctic's oil from moderate Russia, Norway and Denmark? It's the stuff of Oilywood in the tundra...