Trump establishes Indian state

Okay, so it's a Purim Shpiel, but it might be the real Deal of the Century.

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Tzvi Fishman

OpEds An Indian Chief
An Indian Chief

In a formal ceremony at the White House, President Donald Trump, flanked by Cherokee, Comanche, and Apache survivors, Wendell Stillwaters, Howard Cloudrider, and Frederick Buffaloballots, signed a proclamation, passed by the Senate, and upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court, establishing a new Indian State, to be called “New Indiana.”

“This is an historic day for America, righting an injustice which has stained our beloved country for 200 years and haunted the conscience of our great American people,” the President declared. “Today, we are restoring two-thirds of America to its original and rightful owners – the Indian nation, whom we proudly salute.”

As previously reported, according to the Trump Deal, the Indians will receive all of the territory west of the Indiana-Louisiana Line, a total of 23 demilitarized states, excluding Hawaii. The truncated United States will be reduced to the eastern states, a concession on the part of the Indians who populated the region before Columbus “discovered” America. Manhattan, which was purchased from the Lenape Indians in 1626 for 60 guilders, will return to Indian sovereignty.   

At the conclusion of the joyous signing ceremony, Mr. Trump smoked a peace pipe with the representatives of the new Indian State. Trump’s wife, Melania, the First Lady, and his daughter, Ivanka, dressed up in lavish Indian costumes for the festive occasion.

Jared Kushner, who negotiated the deal, wore a large, red-white-and blue feathered Indian headdress in honor of the history-making event.  He expressed the hope that the Palestinian Arabs and the rest of the Muslim world would take note and also recognize that the Jews are the indigenous people of the Land of Israel, signalling that the Messiah had come and making the Israeli and US elections irrelevant.