Can We Talk About Intimacy?
Can We Talk About Intimacy?Istock

At the tender age of four, Natan Alexander underwent open heart surgery to fix a hole in his heart. That same year, his parents divorced, leaving a different sort of hole in his life. His family tells that even as a young child, he was a protector, instinctively understanding situations and people. His fourth grade teacher said the boy had a high EQ (emotional intelligence quotient).

One night while having a sleepover at a friend's house, nine-year-old Natan heard an unusual noise coming from the master bedroom—he heard the parents talking to one another. It was something that the boy had never heard in his own family home. Right then and there, Natan decided that one day, when he gets married, he wants to be able to talk to his wife in bed every night, to connect with her in friendship, and to build a relationship with his spouse beyond raising children.

"The whole world is so good at putting on a mask, pretending everything is perfect in their lives," says Rav Natan. "People need to be more in touch with each other in order to support each other . . . The depth one can reach in their relationship can be reached through communication. There's nothing like it in the world."

Rav Natan talks about the Torah understanding of the difference between love and lust, and about the reason Judaism is so secretive about relationships beyond simple modesty, especially as compared with holy texts such as Tanach and Talmud. "The Western world has made [intimacy] so vulgar, so animalistic. They made it so acceptable to expose all with everyone. The Jews got scared. It became a vulgar thing to discuss because the rest of the world discussed it in a vulgar manner." Rav Natan also speaks of the dangers of being too secretive about intimacy. "Lack of education in this area can lead to many misunderstandings and wrong conclusions. The polar opposite is when someone feels uneducated, so they decide to educate themselves. On the street."

Rav Natan also talks about teaching our children to respect their bodies, about the G-d-given gift of pleasure and how to find it, and about the dire consequences of lack of family purity education.

Tune in!

NOTE: This episode of Life Lessons deals with sensitive subjects. It is meant for mature listeners.