Hey, We Won!

Darn it! Why didn't I think of it? Totally amazing and brilliant. A work of sheer genius. Shakespeare could never utter such words of wisdom, nor could Einstein ever think of such a fabulous theory.

Isaac Kohn,

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Arutz 7
Darn it! Why didn't I think of it? Totally amazing and brilliant. A work of sheer genius. Shakespeare could never utter such words of wisdom, nor could Einstein ever think of such a fabulous theory.

There I am, early Thursday morning of July 3rd, 2003, a fresh cup of coffee in my hand, as I sit quietly at the kitchen table contemplating the dawn of another summer day. My mind wandered through many thoughts; mostly, Israel was on my mind. And then... I almost choked as I tried to swallow; it had nothing to do with the heat of the liquid running slowly down my esophagus, but rather from the brilliance that blinded me as I read the headlines in Yediot Aharonot, Israel's major daily. Right there, in bold, fire-red letters, the headlines practically shouted across the room. the simplicity of the genius behind the headlines created a shock wave in my stomach. I don't remember whether it was the hot coffee threatening to come up, the ecstatic joy that enveloped me, or perhaps the realization that stupidity has become honorable. As the shock and awe finally dissipated, my mind cleared and I re-read the amazing and remarkable two-word headline : ?RAMATKAL : NITZACHNU? (?Chief-of-Staff: We Won?). The Oslo War, declared General Ayalon, is over, because we, Israel, won. A feeling of immense gratification and relief began to cover my entire body; snow-white doves hovered over my head and a tiny nightingale sweetly sang his song of praise. Peace through victory!

It took me approximately fifteen seconds to come to my senses. The hilarity of the stupidity hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat down to list and calculate the victory; the conclusion I came to? The Chief-of-Staff is right! The numbers do add up; the latest happenings in the 'peace process' do spell out victory. Following is an unquestionable short list of small Israeli victories, which led to that brilliant headline:

1) More than eighteen-thousand terror acts against Israel since the intifada broke out;
2) Approximately one-thousand Jews murdered by the Palestinians;
3) Thousands of wounded;
4) Thousands of orphans;
5) Many thousands scarred forever, physically, mentally, emotionally;
6) Tens of thousands of families permanently shattered;
7) An economy in tatters;
8) Approximately 350,00 unemployed;
9) A 'road map' to destruction is spoon fed;
10) Terrorism rewarded with a world-sponsored state;
11) A Holocaust denier, 'kill the Jews' advocate is accorded status on par with Israel's Prime Minister;
12) Mohammad Dahlan, with Jewish blood on his hands, is the guarantor of Israel's security;
13) The Hamas, Tanzim, Fatah and other organizations are intact;
14) The PA has no intention of dismantling the above, as required;
15) Not even one gun has been confiscated... as stipulated in the 'road map;
16) Settlements are already being dismantled, Jews dislodged;
17) Sharon promises to follow through on "very painful concessions";
18) Gaza returned to the PA;
19) Bethlehem returned to the PA;
20) Millions of dollars released to the PA;
21) Palestinian prisoners released, and many more contemplated;
22) Gaza Strip arms smuggling tunnels still exist;
23) Jordanian and Egyptian ambassadors have not returned;
24) Arafat 'allowed' to leave for Gaza;
25) PLO Charter calling for the 'elimination of Israel' not voided;
26) Arab refugee question still intact;
27) World animosity to Israel at its peak;
28) Anti-tank mortars keep falling on Israeli sites and villages;
29) Dozens of terror-warnings keep coming; and
30) The country more divided than ever.

I took the rest of the day off in order to celebrate. In my drunken stupor of unbridled euphoria, I tripped and fell. I tried to gain my balance, with acrobatic skills I never knew I possessed. As my posterior landed in a treasure-pile of freshly released dog waste, I breathed a sigh of relief. I avoided landing in it head first.

Thank heavens for small victories.
Isaac Kohn writes from Brooklyn, New York. He can be reached at Isaackohn@aol.com.