A Legacy That Must Continue
In Parashat Chayei Sarah, the lives of our founding parents, Abraham and Sarah, come to an end. They were spiritual giants who introduced the world to a radically new concept of God and the manner in which man should relate to Him.
Abraham and Sarah were extremely wise and compassionate individuals who displayed concern and friendship for all people. They did not wait for others to come to them, but were proactive in extending a hand to fellow humans. In fact, their concern extended to generations that would arise long after they were gone.
The key word in their religious lexicon was perpetuation. They longed for a son who would assume the mantle of Abraham’s leadership after he was gone.
This was so important that Sarah gave her servant, Hagar, to Abraham as a wife, for the purpose of procreation. Hagar bore him a son, but this “triumph" went to her head and engendered a haughty attitude toward her mistress. Hashem decided that the continuity of the Abrahamic movement required a leader who was the child of the founders, and miraculously enabled Sarah to bear a son at the age of 90.
When Sarah died, Abraham secured the Cave of Machpelah in Hebron as a family burial plot. He then turned his attention to the future. It was essential to find a proper wife for Isaac so he could continue his parents’ leadership role.
The Search for Isaac’s Wife
Finding the proper shidduch (match) was no simple matter. Abraham categorically rejected all Canaanite girls. That society was so morally corrupt that the Torah would subsequently warn the Jews not to emulate the practices of the Land they were about to inherit. Instead, he sent his trusted servant, Eliezer, to return to Haran, where Abraham was born, to select a suitable mate for Isaac.
In preparation for this mission, the Torah records a fascinating dialogue between Eliezer and Abraham. The servant had a daunting task: to somehow discover a maiden with the appropriate character and virtues that would enable her to assume the role of Sarah.
That, however, was not the most challenging aspect. Abraham demanded that the girl leave her family and homeland and join Isaac in Canaan.
Eliezer realized how much resistance this demand would encounter. What family would part with their young daughter, never to see her again? He asked, suppose I find the right girl, but she refuses to abandon her land and kinsmen? Should I then bring Isaac to Haran to get married and live there?
A Principle That Could Not Be Compromised
Abraham responded firmly and decisively. Under no circumstances was his son to leave Canaan and go to Haran. If the suitable young lady were not willing to come to Isaac’s country, then Eliezer should abandon the shidduch.
At first glance, Eliezer’s position seems to make more sense. He was searching for a unique woman of great wisdom and impeccable character. She also had to be especially beautiful, as was Sarah.
Such people are few and far between. Thus, if he were to discover such a special person and, for some reason, she could not make the journey to Canaan would it not make sense for Isaac to move to her land?
But no, Abraham was very explicit in his rejection of his servant’s thinking. What was the reasoning behind his stance?
Marriage in Service of a Higher Purpose
In my opinion, Abraham had an unconventional attitude toward marriage. For him, obtaining a proper marital bond was not an end in itself. Many people regard a loving relationship as the highest good and the very purpose of existence. For Abraham, it was important, but only insofar as it facilitated one’s true existential purpose.
Isaac’s mission was to continue the Abrahamic movement and build upon the pioneering accomplishments of his illustrious father. He was to continue to study Torah and “call out in the name of Hashem" (Genesis 26:25). He was to inform all people of the existence of the true God and the moral lifestyle He requires of man. This could only be done in Canaan.
Thus, Abraham told Eliezer, in no uncertain terms, that Isaac could not compromise on his divinely ordained life’s goal, even at the expense of finding a “perfect" shidduch.
Because Isaac’s career was geared to fulfilling the will of Hashem, Abraham had great confidence that Eliezer would receive providential assistance in accomplishing his task.
A Lesson for Our Own Lives
This is quite relevant to Jews today, especially in light of the perceived “shidduch crisis." We should first determine what we want to achieve with our lives and then search for the spouse who will most help us to attain our objective. Shared values, ideals, and goals are the basis of truly harmonious and successful unions. May we merit to achieve them!
Reprinted from Eternally Yours: God’s Greatest Gift to Mankind (2018)
ABOUT RABBI REUVEN MANN ZT"L (1944-2025)
Rabbi Mann was a distinguished Torah scholar, educator, and co-founder of Yeshiva Bnei Torah and the Masoret Institute of Judaic Studies for Women. A devoted teacher for over five decades, he inspired generations of students through his rigorous, philosophically insightful approach to Torah and his unwavering commitment to the pursuit of truth.