Rabbi Shmuel Silber is Executive Vice President of the OU
It was a life well lived. Va’yihiyu chayei Sarah, meah shana, v’esrim shana, v’sheva shanim, shnei chayei Sarah. 'These are the years of Sarah’s life; one hundred years, twenty years, and seven years, these are the years of Sarah’s life.'
Our matriarch Sarah accomplished much in her 127 years on this earth. A pioneer, a wife, and a mother, not only to Yitzchak, but to all who sought her counsel and wisdom. More than anything, Sarah was Avraham’s partner. Together, they not only built a family, they created a dynasty. Va’yavo Avraham lispod l’Sarah v’livkosa, 'And Avraham came to eulogize Sarah and to cry for her.'
The great Chassidic master, Rav Tzvi Elimelech Shapira of Dinov (1783-1841) in his work titled, Igra D’Kallah asks, shouldn’t the verse say, “lispod al Sarah, to eulogize about Sarah?" L’Sarah sounds like he is speaking to Sarah; a eulogy is better described as a verbal ode about a person rather than to them.
The Rebbe quotes the Gemara in Shabbos (152b) which advances the stirring idea that the dead hear all that is occurring until the grave is filled in. Avraham was speaking to his beloved Sarah one last time. This was not a eulogy in a typical sense, delivered to throngs of people who came to hear and learn about the deceased; this was one last conversation between a husband and a wife. What were these parting words? What does one say to a life partner as a final farewell? In truth, we will never know.
We could, however, glean some insight by what follows. Immediately after the eulogy and tears, Avraham gets up and negotiates the purchase of Me’arat HaMachpeyla (Cave of the Patriarchs). After the transaction was completed, he dispatched Eliezer to find a wife for Yitzchak. In the aftermath of loss, Avraham took stock of his current circumstances and figured out how to optimize them.
This is highlighted by the short transition phrase between the death of Sarah and all that follows; Va’yakam Avraham me’al pinei meyto, Avraham arose from in front of his dead. In that moment of profound grief, Avraham could have lain down beside Sarah and given up. After all he had been through, after passing the last of the ten tests only to come back and find that his beloved partner had passed away, it could have easily become too much to bear.
Va’yakam Avraham, Avraham got up - I need to take in these circumstances and figure out where to go from here. First, I must find a proper burial site, I need to give Sarah proper closure and then we must build a future. The world lost a matriarch; we must go out and find another. Avraham modeled for us what it means to adapt and find meaning in all of life’s circumstances. Whatever life throws my way, whatever Hashem choreographs for me - my singular responsibility is to find meaning and relevance in all life circumstances.
The Baal Shem Tov explains that each and every thing we see, Hashem wants us to see. Each and every thing we hear, Hashem wants us to hear. All we experience is Divinely customized to allow for our self-actualization. But to unlock the power of our circumstances, we must be willing to learn, understand, and grow. Avraham understood that this painful chapter was decreed upon him to teach him how to take pain and transform it into dynamic activity, to take the difficulties and transform them into holy results.
Me’arat HaMachpeyla and Rivka Imeynu were the holy results which came from the searing pain. You can lay yourself down and succumb to the pain or get up and grow from it. Every life experience offers an opportunity for growth; we just need the courage to discover it.
I had the privilege this week to attend the JSU Presidents Conference. JSU (Jewish Student Union) is a program run by NCSY for public school teens. In-school clubs and out-of-school programming provide these precious boys and girls with exposure to the beautiful treasure of Yiddishkeit. I had many beautiful and overwhelming experiences, but two really stood out.
I had dinner with the senior JSU leadership, a group of teens between 16-18 years old. I asked them what sparked their interest in Judaism. One young man explained that there were a number of kids in his school who were making Holocaust jokes. This young man felt that this callous behavior wasn’t antisemitism, it was ignorance. He reached out to a local Holocaust museum and asked if they had any speakers available to come and share with the students at his high school. An elderly woman who was a child survivor came and shared her story. This ignited a spark of Jewish pride which led to the establishment of a JSU chapter and robust programming.
Another young woman described being brutally bullied in her high school but instead of hiding her Judaism, decided to become more committed, more public and got involved in political advocacy on behalf of her community.
As I sat there mesmerized by their stories, I realized one simple truth - these are the children of Avraham Avinu. These are the children who, like their father, refused to buckle under their circumstances, but took the hand they were dealt with and did something incredible with it. And now, they were encouraging and inspiring others to do the same. I felt pride to be part of the same nation as these precious children. I felt pride to be part of the OU, which creates these programs for the children of Avraham Avinu. At the same time, I must admit, I felt humbled, wondering if I possess this same strength.
We must all strive to embody this level of Abrahamic strength and resolve. We cannot allow the overwhelming nature of our circumstances to cause us to give up or give in. We must take the circumstances Hashem provides us with and figure out how to maximize them. And there is no shortage of overwhelming situations. In our personal lives we may be contending with a variety of difficult situations. Family, marriage, shidduchim, career and health can all trigger challenges and anxiety. I can lie down and lose myself or choose the path of Va’yakam Avraham.
We may have feelings of fear and uncertainty seeing the results of midterm elections and the President’s stated intent to end aid to Israel by the end of this year. So, what now? Talking, opining, reading even more articles or analysis may be productive, but only to a point. Eventually, we must then ask ourselves, what should we do?
There are spiritual responses. Accept some new spiritual initiative or service upon yourself (make a kabbalah). Take the fear and turn it into dynamic spiritual activity. It’s never elected leaders who plot the course of history - it is the Ribbono Shel Olam. Tether yourself even more firmly to Him and be enveloped by His Divine reassurance. Get involved in advocacy and put in the effort to help shape a better future. We don’t give up and we don’t lie down.
For some, the challenges of daily life have us ready to throw our hands up and admit defeat. This is not what we do. We are the children of Avraham Avinu. We don’t give up and we don’t lie down. I will embrace the reality of what is and figure out how to maximize it. This is the lesson of the precious leaders of JSU and the lesson of Avraham Avinu.
I don’t know what Avraham said to Sarah as he knelt down before her. But if I had to guess, I would imagine it went something like this; “My beloved wife and life partner. You gave everything for me, for Yitzchak, and for our future. As much as my heart is shattered in a million pieces, I know I will see you again - but not for a little while. For I have more work to do. I will dry my tears and somehow use this pain as a catalyst for growth and accomplishment. You always believed in me and that has given me the power and courage to now believe in myself."