Edited by B. Silberstein
The Threat of Assimilation
This week’s Parsha, Ki Teitze, takes up the question of those who seek to marry into the Klal Yisrael (Congregation of Israel). Of course, a Jew may not marry a gentile but, in general, is permitted to wed someone who has properly converted to Judaism. However, there are exceptions even to this rule, as discussed in our Parsha.
It is painful to note that, today, roughly 80% of nonreligious American Jews intermarry. The degree of assimilation is such that, in the not distant future, the once robust American Jewish community will be a shell of its former self.
On the bright side, the statistics are significantly different when religious observance enters the picture. The more ‘observant’ Jews are, the less likely they are to intermarry, because Orthodox Jews still take seriously the biblical prohibition against marrying a non-Jew. We should not shirk from our responsibility to remind our less religious brethren about the rationale for and seriousness of this commandment.
It seems that the survival of the Am Yisrael (Nation of Israel) is always under threat. The Passover Hagadah states:
“In every generation they arise against us to destroy us. And the Holy One, Blessed is He, saves us from their hands."
The Danger of Self-Destruction
But what about the problem of self-destruction? Is that something we need to be concerned about? Can we say that the Holy One saves us from ourselves?
Our Parsha discusses the holiness that characterizes “Congregation of Hashem." Not everyone who is Jewish can marry into this exclusive community, which must reflect a certain level of sexual purity.
So, for example, few transgressions are as abhorrent as adultery, in which a man has relations with a married woman. It makes no difference whether the union is happy or miserable, whether the couple is together or separated, whether or not there has been a civil divorce. The marriage can only be terminated by a valid Get (Halakhic bill of divorce).
Unfortunately, some unscrupulous Jewish men take advantage of this Halakhic leverage and keep their wives “chained," withholding a Get in order to blackmail or simply torture their wives. Such a form of religious sadism is a grave desecration of Hashem’s name, and the rabbinic authorities in the United States and in Eretz Yisrael (Land of Israel) must do everything possible to protect the weak and downtrodden.
The Tragedy of the Mamzeir
A child born from an adulterous relationship is defined by Halakha as a Mamzeir and may not marry an ordinary Jew. Contrary to popular understanding, this is not true of any child born out of wedlock.
Only one who is born from certain severely prohibited unions, such as adultery or incest, is regarded as a Mamzeir and prohibited from marrying into the congregation.
This is a case where the deeds of sinners produce irreversible harm for the unfortunate children.
The Mamzeir is an innocent victim who may not be disparaged in any way. The Rabbis say in Horiyot 13a that a Mamzeir who is a Torah scholar takes precedence over a Kohen Gadol (High Priest) who is an ignoramus.
Our Parsha also deals with the right of converts to marry into Klal Yisrael. In general, converts are permitted to marry other Jews, although a woman who converts may not marry a Kohen. However, converts from specific nations were subjected to certain marriage restrictions.
Male converts from the nations of Amon and Moab were permanently prohibited from marrying into the Congregation because of the vile character traits these nations had manifested (Devarim 23:4).
The nations of Edom and Egypt were treated differently. They were excluded from the Congregation, but only until the third generation. From the third generation onward, they were permitted to marry into the Congregation. What is the reason for this leniency?
Remembering the Good
The case of Egypt is instructive. They were prohibited for the first two generations, despite the fact that they had enslaved us, but they were allowed in the third generation because, as the Torah says, “you were a stranger in his land." (Devarim 23:8)
At first, Yaakov Avinu (our forefather) and his family were saved from the famine and welcomed to live in the land of Egypt. We are thus obligated to acknowledge the kindness that the Egyptians initially showed us.
At first glance, this is difficult to comprehend. True, we benefited from the Egyptians, but they subsequently turned against us and subjected us to great suffering in our enslavement. Doesn’t the evil they visited upon us cancel out whatever good they originally showed us?
While this is the way most people would look at it, that is not the Torah’s position. A fundamental ethical imperative of Judaism is Hakarat HaTov, recognizing and expressing gratitude for the good we have received.
What happens when a former benefactor suddenly turns against you? For example, what if someone gave you a great opportunity to achieve a high professional level and become a great success and then soured on you and eventually fired you, for no good reason? Let us say that now he has fallen on bad times and needs assistance: do you have an obligation to help him?
Nothing can be clearer than the words of the Rambam in the Guide for the Perplexed (Part III, ch. 42):
“If we find a person in trouble, whose assistance we have once enjoyed, or of whom we have received some benefit, even if that person has subsequently done evil to us, we must bear in mind his previous good conduct. Thus, the Law tells us: ‘Thou shalt not abhor an Egyptian, because thou wast a stranger in his land,’ although the Egyptians have subsequently oppressed us very much, as is well-known."
The survival of Am Yisrael depends not only on our ability to withstand those who seek to destroy us from without, but also on our ability to preserve the moral and spiritual standards that distinguish us from within. The Torah teaches us that even when people have done us great harm and we may wish to forget, we must not allow their later evil to erase our recognition of the good they once did. This is the demanding standard of Hakarat HaTov that the Torah expects from us.
May we merit to strengthen our commitment to the holiness of Am Yisrael, to recognize the good that others have done for us, and to express our gratitude even when doing so may feel extremely difficult.
Questions? Comments?
Please reach out to Mitch Rosner on WhatsApp at 054-426-3419 or by email at mitchrosner@gmail.com.