For Part I, click here.
Emunah and Patience in Building a Bayit Ne'eman B'Yisrael
We live in a world that measures almost everything by the clock. There are timetables, milestones, and expectations for when we should reach each stage of life. Many people feel pressure to accomplish certain goals by a particular age. Yet when it comes to building a bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael, we must remember a fundamental truth: not everything unfolds according to our timetable.
Chazal teach us, "Kashah zivugo shel adam k'Keri'at Yam Suf"-"A person's match is as difficult as the Splitting of the Sea" (Sotah 2a). Why did Chazal compare a shidduch to Keri'at Yam Suf? Because a shidduch is far more than the meeting of two individuals. The building of a Jewish home is part of Hashem's guidance, through which He leads each person along the path prepared specifically for him or her, at the time and in the manner that He knows to be best.
A person must certainly do his hishtadlut-to daven, pursue appropriate suggestions, seek wise guidance, and prepare himself to build a home founded upon Torah, mitzvot, and kedushah. At the same time, he recognizes that the final outcome rests in the Hands of Hashem.
Shlomo HaMelech teaches:
"Bayit v'hon nachalat avot, u'meHashem ishah maskelet."
"A house and wealth are an inheritance from one's fathers, but a wise wife is from Hashem." (Mishlei 19:14)
A person may inherit a home, acquire wealth, or attain material success through diligence and effort. A suitable marriage partner, however, is a gift from Hashem. Even after doing everything expected of us, we recognize that He alone directs the outcome.
These words are especially relevant to our generation. Our younger generation faces a world of uncertainty, rapid change, and many challenges. Among the greatest of these is the painful shidduch crisis, in which so many fine young men and women sincerely long to establish a Torah home, yet often find that the journey is longer and more difficult than they ever imagined.
For those waiting, and for the parents who wait alongside them, the passing of months and years can be deeply painful. Disappointments can test one's strength and confidence. Every new suggestion requires renewed hope, every meeting demands courage, and every setback calls upon a person to strengthen his emunah and continue believing that Hashem is guiding the journey.
Few experiences test a person's emunah as deeply as waiting for the right shidduch. A delay is not necessarily a sign that something is lacking. It does not mean that a person has been forgotten, nor does it suggest, chalilah, that he or she will not merit to build a bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael.
Sometimes Hashem is preparing each individual separately, shaping their lives and arranging the circumstances so that, when they finally meet, the home they build together will rest upon a stronger and more enduring foundation.
To those searching for a shidduch: Do not allow the passing of time to become a source of despair. No one is ever forgotten in Hashem's plan. Every individual has his or her own path, and every path unfolds according to the time determined by Heaven.
Continue your hishtadlut with dignity and confidence. Remain open to appropriate suggestions, even when the road has been difficult. Remember that no tefillah is ever lost and no tear goes unnoticed before the Ribbono Shel Olam. Our responsibility is to act, to daven, and to place our trust in Hashem's guidance, knowing that the yeshuah will come at the proper time.
To dear parents:
Your concern for your children comes from deep devotion and a sincere desire to see them establish a bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael. Yet it is important to remember that anxiety and pressure do not necessarily bring the desired result.
One of the greatest gifts parents can offer during this period is a home filled with emunah, patience, encouragement, and understanding-a home where their children know that they are valued and respected, and that they are not measured against someone else's timetable.
A kind word, a quiet tefillah, words of encouragement, and confidence in Hashem's guidance can provide tremendous chizuk. Very often, the quiet support and genuine emunah of parents accomplish more than another suggestion or another piece of advice.
We must always remember that building a Jewish home is not simply another milestone in life. It is a sacred responsibility and a great zechut. A bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael is established not merely because two people meet, but because Hashem, in His Hashgachah, brings together the right individuals at the right time.
Our calendars continue to turn, but Hashem's timetable is never hurried and never delayed. When we continue with emunah, tefillah, and sincere hishtadlut, we come to understand that even the waiting has purpose, and that Hashem is preparing the blessing that will arrive at its appointed time.
May we soon merit the fulfillment of the words of the Navi:
"Od yishama b'arei Yehudah u'vchutzot Yerushalayim kol sasson v'kol simchah, kol chatan v'kol kallah."
"Once again there shall be heard in the cities of Yehudah and in the streets of Yerushalayim the voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the chassan and the voice of the kallah." (Yirmiyahu 33:10-11)
With wishes for besorot tovot.
Rabbi Eliezer Simcha Weisz is a member of the Israeli Chief Rabbinate Council.