Only a few days after Tishah B’Av, when we mourn the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash (בית המקדש), comes Tu B’Av, which the Mishnah describes as one of the happiest days in the Jewish calendar:
"לא היו ימים טובים לישראל כחמישה עשר באב וכיום הכיפורים."
"There were no happier days for Israel than the Fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippur."
The closeness of these two days is striking. On Tishah B’Av we remember the destruction that came upon our people; on Tu B’Av we celebrate the possibility of rebuilding. We move from mourning what was lost to focusing on what must be restored.
Chazal teach that the destruction of the Second Beis HaMikdash came because of Sinat Chinam (שנאת חינם)-baseless hatred and division among Jews. When people stop seeing the value and dignity of one another, the unity that holds Klal Yisrael (כלל ישראל) together begins to weaken.
If destruction came through division, rebuilding must come through unity, respect, and genuine concern for one another.
This is also the message of this week’s parashah, Parashat Eikev (פרשת עקב). Moshe Rabbeinu tells the Jewish people:
"וּמַלְתֶּם אֵת עָרְלַת לְבַבְכֶם וְעָרְפְּכֶם לֹא תַקְשׁוּ עוֹד."
(Devarim 10:16)
"Remove the barrier from around your heart, and no longer be stiff-necked."
The Torah is teaching us that a person can have a barrier around his heart that prevents him from seeing clearly.
This applies not only to our relationship with Hashem (ה'), but also to our relationship with one another.
Perhaps one of the challenges facing the world of shidduchim (שידוכים) today is not only a shortage of opportunities, but sometimes a lack of openness of heart. The Torah calls this Orlat HaLev (ערלת הלב)-a covering over the heart that prevents a person from seeing what truly matters.
At times, we become influenced by external considerations-background, profession, appearance, social standing, or expectations created by society. These concerns can become barriers that prevent us from recognizing the true qualities of the person before us.
The Torah’s message is simple: open the heart.
See the person. See the middot (מידות)-the character traits. See the Yirat Shamayim (יראת שמים)-the fear of Heaven. See the potential to build a home of Torah and kindness.
This is a message that deserves special attention at a time when so many families are concerned about the shidduch crisis.
The Mishnah describes the special custom of Tu B’Av:
"ובנות ירושלים יוצאות וחולות בכרמים."
"The daughters of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards."
The Gemara in Masechet Ta’anit (מסכת תענית) 31a explains that the young women wore borrowed garments so that no one would feel embarrassed:
"תנו רבנן: בת מלך שואלת מבת כהן גדול, בת כהן גדול מבת סגן, בת סגן מבת משוח מלחמה, בת משוח מלחמה מבת כהן הדיוט, וכל ישראל שואלין זה מזה, כדי שלא לבייש את מי שאין לו."
"The Sages taught: The daughter of a king would borrow from the daughter of the Kohen Gadol; the daughter of the Kohen Gadol would borrow from the daughter of the deputy Kohen Gadol; the daughter of the deputy Kohen Gadol would borrow from the daughter of the anointed priest for war; the daughter of the anointed priest for war would borrow from the daughter of a regular Kohen; and all of Israel’s daughters would borrow from one another, so that one who did not have would not be embarrassed."
Chazal created an environment where external differences were removed. Wealth and social standing were no longer visible. On the day when shidduchim were formed, the focus was placed on the person rather than on what surrounded the person.
There is a profound lesson here for our generation.
Finding a shidduch (שידוך) requires responsibility and careful thought. Shared values, compatibility, and a commitment to building a Bayit Ne’eman B’Yisrael (בית נאמן בישראל)-a faithful Jewish home-are essential.
But we must be careful not to allow secondary matters to overshadow the qualities that truly create a lasting marriage.
Shlomo HaMelech teaches:
"שקר החן והבל היופי אשה יראת ה' היא תתהלל."
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears Hashem is to be praised."
The qualities that sustain a Jewish home are deeper:
A kind heart.
Humility.
Patience.
Yirat Shamayim (יראת שמים).
The ability to give, forgive, and grow together.
These are the qualities that have preserved Jewish families throughout the generations.
Every Jewish home built upon Torah (תורה), Emunah (אמונה), and good middot (מידות) strengthens the entire fabric of Klal Yisrael. The rebuilding of the Jewish people depends not only on physical construction, but also on the spiritual rebuilding of our homes and our relationships with one another.
A nation that suffered destruction because hearts became divided can only be rebuilt when hearts become open.
That is the connection between Parashat Eikev and Tu B’Av.
The Torah tells us to remove Orlat HaLev. Tu B’Av shows us what happens when we do so-when we look beyond external differences and recognize the true value of another person.
The answer to the shidduch crisis is not only to increase the number of suggestions. It is also to increase our ability to see, to understand, and to appreciate.
When we open our hearts to one another, we strengthen not only individual homes, but the home of the Jewish people.
May we soon merit to hear the fulfillment of the Navi’s promise:
"עוד ישמע בערי יהודה ובחוצות ירושלים קול ששון וקול שמחה קול חתן וקול כלה."
"Once again there shall be heard in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem the voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride."
May we soon hear throughout Yerushalayim (ירושלים) the true Kol Sasson v’Kol Simcha (קול ששון וקול שמחה), with the complete Geulah (גאולה) and the rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash (בית המקדש), במהרה בימינו, אמן.
Rabbi Eliezer Simcha Weisz is a member of the Chief Rabbinate Council of Israel.