Participation in An Intermarriage Wedding Ceremony
Q: “Shalom honored Rabbi… I request practical guidance on an issue that troubles me, and gives me no rest. A friend from reserve duty is getting married. A good man. He was wounded in military activity, and is struggling to return to life. He is the son of a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother. He identifies himself as Israeli, but as he said, the conversion process weighs heavily upon him; it is difficult for him to learn the blessings by heart and to commit before a rabbinical court to keep Shabbat, and therefore, he does not intend to convert. According to him, he feels Jewish even without conversion, and he even underwent circumcision when he was born.
He is engaged to a girl of… origin; her grandfather, of blessed memory, was among the rabbis of the community. His fiancée is traditional, and says that in her eyes, he is Jewish. They were careful to schedule the wedding at a place that serves kosher food.
The wedding is in about a month. My friend invited me, and very much expects me to come to his wedding, and I do not know what to do. I fear that if I do not come, he will notice my absence, and be hurt. Is it better to make an excuse and say that it doesn’t work out for me to come, or to attend?
In truth, the event is a distressing case of intermarriage. On the other hand, in the couple’s consciousness, the marriage is not intermarriage, and they are unintentional sinners because of their mistaken understanding. Moreover, perhaps the event itself is not entirely negative, since their children will be Jewish, and the problem of mixed marriage will not continue into the next generation. With blessing that Hashem give you, honored Rabbi, the strength to continue clarifying serious halakhic matters truthfully, and that your words spoken with fear of Heaven, and seeking truth, be heard."
It is Forbidden to Participate - But Suggest Conversion
A: Since this wedding involves an intermarriage, which is a prohibited event, one may not participate in it. The Torah commands us to protest against one who transgresses, and to rebuke him, as it is said (Leviticus 19:17), “You shall surely rebuke your fellow, and you shall not bear sin because of him." All the more so, it is forbidden to participate.
Explain to him that despite your love for him, you will not come to his wedding, because it is forbidden according to the Jewish faith. But together with this, since you are a Talmid Chacham (Torah scholar) - and presumably in your unit there are additional Torah scholars - suggest to him that you, together with two other Torah scholars from your unit, convert him before the wedding. As I explained in my book “Masoret HaGiyur", many rabbis ruled in such a situation to convert him, since the groom possesses a Jewish identity, and through conversion, one prevents intermarriage. All the more so when, as a family, they will keep Jewish tradition. According to halakha, any three Torah scholars are authorized to perform a conversion. If he agrees, study the laws of conversion and convert him before his wedding, and you will find a rabbi who, based on that conversion, will agree to perform chuppah and kiddushin for them according to the law of Moshe and Israel.
Who is Halakhically Qualified to Perform Conversions?
Q: Who is permitted to perform a conversion? Any Torah scholar?
A: Some poskim (Jewish law arbiters) say that any Jew who observes Torah and mitzvot is fit to serve as a conversion judge (Rambam, Issurei Bi’ah 14:6; Sefer Mitzvot Gadol; Orḥot Chaim; Yam shel Shlomo; Binyamin Ze’ev; Shulchan Aruch 268:3). The opinion of most halakhic authorities, however, is that conversion judges must be Torah scholars in order to ensure that they carry out the procedures of conversion properly, and adequately evaluate whether to accept the convert (Behag, Rif, Ra’avan, Ri, Riaz, Rokeach, Rosh, Rabbeinu Yerucham, Agudah; Tur 268:2; Rama 268:2). This is also the ruling of many later authorities (Levush 268:2; Aruch HaShulchan 8; Rabbi Chaim Palaggi, Lev Chaim III:28, and others).
However, be-di’avad (after the fact), allposkim agree that if the conversion judges were valid witnesses, and were not known to deliberately violate commandments, the conversion is valid.
For this purpose, the definition of “Torah scholars" is: one who knows how to study Torah and has significant Torah knowledge and, of course, has studied the laws of conversion. Certainly,ramim (yeshiva teachers) in religious high schools, are considered Torah scholars.
Nevertheless, Jewish custom is that the local rabbis bear responsibility for conversion, so that acceptance of converts will be broadly agreed upon by the community. But in a pressing situation, in order to prevent intermarriage, and to avoid terrible rifts and great pain in a Jewish family, one should follow the halakha that any three Torah scholars are permitted le-chatchila (from the outset) to convert (see Peninei Halakha: Laws of Conversion 4:2:3).
The Guidance of the Rayatz Lubavitcher Rebbe
The previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneersohn, one of the leaders of the haredi world, gave similar guidance on this matter. In 5708 (1948), while in New York, his disciple, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Feldman, wrote to him about the spiritually low state of the community he served, due to the harmful influence of Reform rabbis. He also related that he had turned away a non-Jewish woman who wished to convert in order to marry the son of a community member, and they went instead to convert under the Reform.
In his response, dated 4 Menachem Av 5708 (Igrot, vol. 9, p. 713), the Rayatz wrote regarding conversion: “Concerning his community member… who came to him upset and worried, revealing his great anguish that his son had joined with a non-Jewish woman and wanted to marry her, and that he, the father, could influence them so that she would convert - and my dear friend (the Rebbe writes to his disciple) avoided involvement and pushed him off with various excuses, and they went to the Reform - “this was not good, and it is a great error on his part that must, if possible, even retroactively, be corrected. And in the future, he must involve himself in such matters, and study the laws at their source, the laws of converts in the Tur and Beit Yosef, and afterwards in the Shulchan Aruch with its commentaries, and he should be proficient to carry this out practically, and he should choose two Jews who keep Shabbat and mitzvot, from whom he will form a beit din, and study the book Tiv Gittin, so that he may arrange divorces properly."
The matter of converting the non-Jewish woman was important to the Rayatz, and fourteen days later he sent another letter (ibid., p. 714): “I am interested to know whether you have taken any steps to repair the omission of not converting the non-Jewish woman, and if not - perhaps you can find some pretext and method to correct the matter according to the Torah." The same is evident from additional letters. As I showed in my book “Masoret HaGiyur" 26:31 (p. 757), it is evident that these converts did not intend to observe a fully religious lifestyle but, at most, to be traditional. Nevertheless, the Rayatz’s consistent stance was that if they wish to convert, they should be converted in order to prevent assimilation.
The Conduct of the Emissary Rabbi Feldman
It is worthy of note that Rabbi Kalman Davidson transmitted a written testimony from a Haredi American rabbi who immigrated to Israel and asked to remain anonymous, who knew Rabbi Menachem Mendel Feldman well (the Rabbi whom the Rayatz directed in the above letters). He testified that Rabbi Feldman told him: “He, the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, encouraged his emissaries to convert all who came to them, with minimal demands and inquiry consisting only of ensuring that the candidate for conversion rejects Christianity." He further testified: “When I was in Baltimore, Rabbi Feldman asked me to participate with him in a conversion that was conducted according to the process I described."
Addendum:
May a Foreign Worker Put Tefillin on a Disabled Person?
Q: Our father suffered a stroke and became paralyzed in his hands, and cannot put on tefillin himself, but his mind is completely lucid. He wishes to pray, and put on tefillin, and asks whether specifically a Jewish man, obligated in tefillin, must put them on him, or whether his wife may do so, or even a foreign worker.
A: Even a foreign worker may put tefillin on him, because the mitzvah is not the act of tying the tefillin, but that the tefillin be bound upon his arm and head, as it is stated: “And it shall be for you as a sign upon your hand and as a remembrance between your eyes" (Exodus 13:9). And what is said, “You shall bind them as a sign," means that through the tying the tefillin will be a sign - not that the tying itself constitutes the mitzvah (so wrote Maharshal Gaon, vol. 1, Orach Chaim 9). Of course, a woman may also place tefillin on him (based on Avodah Zarah 39a; Mahari Assad Orach Chaim 19, and others).
Entering a Restroom with Tefillin in a Handbag
Q: When I am traveling with tefillin in a bag, may I enter the restroom with the bag?
Answer: Out of respect for the tefillin, it is forbidden to enter with them into a restroom or bathhouse, whether one is wearing them, or holding them in his hand. However, in times when it was customary to wear tefillin all day, they were sometimes forced to be lenient due to concern that the tefillin might be stolen, but when at home, they were careful not to enter the restroom or bathhouse with tefillin (Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim 43:7; Mishnah Berurah 24).
One who is on the road and has tefillin in his hand, or in his bag, and needs to enter the restroom - if possible, it is preferable to leave them with a friend, and then enter the restroom. If not, he should enter with the bag into the restroom, because the tefillin are concealed in a pouch within a pouch, and the second pouch is not their regular pouch (Machtzit HaShekel; Mishnah Berurah 43:24). That is: the first pouch is the tefillin bag itself, and the travel bag is the second pouch, which is not their usual pouch. One may also place the tefillin in an additional plastic bag, and then enter the restroom.
Respect for Tefillin Placed in a Bag or Suitcase
One who places tefillin in a bag should place them above the clothes and items there, but if his intention is to protect them, he may place them among the clothes and items. One who places tefillin in a suitcase should place them in the most protected and respectful manner. One may place the bag or suitcase containing the tefillin on the ground, but should not sit on it, or rest his feet on it - unless the bag or suitcase is large, and he knows that the tefillin are on the other side (Shulchan Aruch 40:3, 5; see Mishnah Berurah 13).
This article appears in the ‘Besheva’ newspaper and was translated from Hebrew.
