Rabbi Shlomo Aviner is head of the Ateret Cohanim Yeshiva in Jerusalem's Old City.
In the beginning of Rambam’s Hilchot Teshuva, we read: “If a person has transgressed any mitzvah in the Torah…when he does teshuva and repents from his sin, he is obligated to verbally confess his sins before God.” Why is a verbal confession so important?
The reason that verbal confession is essential to the teshuva process is that it constitutes acceptance of responsibility. All people sin; we are not angels. The question is how we deal with our sins. Do we admit that we have sinned and accept responsibility, or do we blame others for our shortcomings? We mustn’t argue that what we did was not a sin, or that it was not our fault, but rather the fault of our spouses, parents, neighbors, friends, the government, the army, etc.
People have a tendency to blame others. Even Adam claimed in his own defense that he ate the forbidden fruit because of his wife. How ungrateful! God had given him a marvelous gift and he blamed Chava for his own failings. It is human nature to pretend to ourselves that someone else is guilty of our sins. To what can this be compared? To a person who watches immodest images on the Internet. Caught in the act he cries out: “The mouse made me do it!”
Rabbi Avraham Yitzchak Kook wrote that most people prefer to live in a fantasy world rather than view life rationally. Instead of seeing the truth as it is, they see it as they would like it to be, viewing reality through the prism of the imagination. How many tragedies have occurred because we were deceived by our desires! For example, before World War Two, governments imagined that if territorial concessions were made to Hitler - may his name be blotted out - there would be peace. In the same way, most people in their personal lives are captives of their imaginations, unable to admit the truth to themselves.
When someone articulates the words, “I have sinned,” it is a victory of clear, truthful reason over misleading fantasies. That is not to say that there is no place for the imagination. The fact that we possess this power tells us that the Master of the Universe intends for us to use it. Imagination can lead to great things; one of the prerequisites for prophecy is a pure, pristine imagination. When the Zionist movement was stalled, Dr. Theodor Herzl wrote a book, Altneuland (New-Old Land), a novel about an idealized country inhabited by an imaginary tribe. Today, thank God, the reality of Zionism surpasses his dreams.
The important point is that we have to beware of our imagination, for it is slippery and unreliable. It hovers on the border between good and evil. It can bring us renewal and creativity, or it can delude us. Obviously, the employment of logic can lead to error as well, but when one is in tune with one’s rational self, the goal is to see the truth.
Why, then, do people allow themselves to suffer from illusions? They find that it is unpleasant to admit mistakes, that it is depressing, breaks the spirit and causes despair. They believe that denial of their shortcomings will empower them, whereas admitting to themselves, to God and to other people that they have acted improperly will destroy their self-image. They therefore prefer to imagine that they are innocent and that it is others who are the sinners.
This is a grievous error indeed! If we imagine that we are innocent and pure, and that all of our failings are due to others, then we are truly lost, for we have no chance of self-improvement. That is a true cause of despair. If, however, one says, “I am guilty, it is I who sinned,” that is certainly a cause of sadness, but it is a source of happiness as well, for we can then actively improve our condition. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov said, “If you believe that it is possible to make mistakes, then you can believe that it is also possible to make amends.” Such a belief fills one with hope and great joy.
Not only do verbal confession and teshuva reflect an acceptance of responsibility on the part of the one who sinned, but they are necessary for another reason. A verbal confession requires a person to think clearly and to dare to express his or her feelings. Mere thoughts can be hazy and unfocused, as well as less binding. Speech, on the other hand, is full of clarity and strength.
Teshuva is not Easy
Question: Even as I confess my sins, I realize that I am most likely going to continue to transgress in certain areas. How then can I stand before the Master of the Universe and express contrition and real resolve regarding the future?
Answer: What you describe is, in fact, true contrition, albeit not strong enough to withstand the probable future onslaught of the evil inclination. It is real teshuva, although it is not complete teshuva, and it should not be made light of.
Teshuva is something so enormous, so remarkable - penetrating so much of the spiritual universe - that even a tiny morsel of teshuva is considered to be something great, and its light permeates the soul, giving one the strength to ascend to ever higher levels of holiness.
Just as Redemption occurs gradually, so does teshuva - step by step, effort after effort, until all the little efforts add up to a great sum. Fortunate is one who repents fully all at once; fortunate is one who is transformed into another person overnight. This was the case with R. Elazar ben Dordia who fell into the depths of sin and at a certain point came to the realization of how far he had fallen. He broke out in tears and cried out, “I am the only one who can save myself!” As his soul flew up to Heaven, a heavenly voice went forth and proclaimed: “R. Elazar ben Dordia is invited to the World to Come.” R. Yehuda HaNassi wept and said, “There are those who acquire the World to Come after many years of effort, and there are those who acquire it in a single moment.”
Most of us are incapable of sudden teshuva, of the spiritual lightning that, in a moment, banishes all sin. But we are capable of gradual teshuva, of slowly improving ourselves, as we ascend higher and higher, of laboriously traversing the paths of righteousness, of painstakingly refining our character traits and deeds - until we reach the high spiritual level of tahara, or purity.
Rabbi Kook explains that even when a person merely thinks about teshuva, wishes to repent and decides to repent, but is not yet capable of carrying it out, this in itself already causes a great light to shine in his or her soul. Imagine a country that is corrupt, yet whose spiritual leaaders protest forcefully against the corruption. Compare this to another morally bankrupt country, one whose leaders bow their heads before wickedness. This latter country is as different from the first as night is from day. While the first country has hope for a better future, the second has no chance for improvement. In the same way, when we confess, we are protesting against the wickedness within our souls. By doing so, we bring ourselves into the presence of God’s light.
Rabbi Kook writes: “A person is obligated to confess his sins….When he experiences daily the purity of prayer and confession - while never forgetting to analyze his own deeds - he shakes off his own wickedness, little by little, before that wickedness can deceive him so greatly that he is unable to lift his head.”
Therefore, on the one hand, teshuva is the easiest mitzvah there is, because even the very act of thinking penitent thoughts constitutes teshuva. On the other hand, it is the most difficult mitzvah, because teshuva only comes after great toil. Therefore, one shouldn’t let one’s spirit sink when one sees oneself rise and fall, as it says in The Book of Proverbs: “The tzaddik falls seven times and rises each time.” Ultimately, he will stop falling. In contrast, the evildoer lies fallen in despair.
Therefore, we must stand courageously in the presence of God’s light, strengthening our resolve to repent. Then our teshuva is guaranteed, for the Master of the Universe will not abandon us, but will help us to achieve holiness and atonement, both for the individual and for our nation, may it be so this year.