In the wake of the tragic domestic violence incident in the Neve Yaakov neighborhood of Jerusalem—where a man allegedly murdered his wife before taking his own life, Arutz Sheva - Israel National News spoke with Tzilit Jacobson, Chairwoman of the Bat Melech Association, which operates shelters for religious and ultra-Orthodox women affected by domestic violence. Jacobson emphasized the importance of early identification and intervention in situations that may escalate into severe or fatal violence.
“It is impossible to fully grasp the magnitude of the pain caused by such a tragedy,” Jacobson said, referencing the horrifying moment the couple’s child discovered the bodies of his parents. “It is a shocking and unimaginable event. We extend our heartfelt condolences and embrace to the family.”
Speaking about the broader issue of domestic violence, Jacobson noted the significant psychological barriers that women often face in recognizing they are in an abusive situation. “It requires immense emotional strength for a woman to acknowledge that she is living in a dangerous relationship,” she explained.
The couple involved in the tragedy had been widely described by acquaintances as “a gentle, ordinary couple,” with the wife characterized as “a good neighbor, friend, wife, and devoted mother.” Jacobson stressed that this perception is part of the challenge. “They appeared entirely normal. Who would believe what was occurring behind locked doors, especially when everything looked so perfect in public?” she said. “This isn’t happening somewhere far away—it could be my sister, my friend, my colleague. That is what makes it so confusing and terrifying.”
Jacobson outlined the stages many women go through, starting with an internal recognition of the problem, followed by the difficult step of reaching out for help. She stressed that domestic violence manifests in many forms, not just physical. “There is a tendency to believe that if there is no physical abuse, there is no danger. But violence can be expressed through psychological control, isolation from family and friends, constant criticism, silencing, jealousy, emotional manipulation, threats, surveillance, and obsessive behavior.”
She noted one critical warning sign: “A sense of fear and urgency when he enters the room or looks around. This should serve as a red flag.”
Jacobson also highlighted the numerous barriers preventing women from seeking help. “Women often blame themselves, fear breaking up the family, worry for their children’s safety, fear social repercussions, or doubt they will be believed—particularly if the abuser is a respected member of the community, a rabbi, or a public figure.” She emphasized the vital role of friends and community members in recognizing changes in behavior, such as sudden isolation or increased control over the woman’s movements.
While many are hesitant to intervene, Jacobson was unequivocal: “Intervention can save lives. But it must be done correctly. Victims often communicate their distress indirectly, between the lines. The message must be: ‘I am here for you, without judgment.’”
Conversely, statements that express blame or disbelief—such as “Why didn’t you leave?” or “Why didn’t you tell us earlier?”—only deepen a victim’s isolation. “Such responses discourage women from coming forward,” she said. “The community must direct them to trained professionals who can assess the situation and offer appropriate support.”
Jacobson underscored that domestic violence exists in every community, regardless of religious observance, socioeconomic status, or geography. “No sector is immune. In fact, within religious and haredi communities, the barriers to speaking out can be even higher.”
To address these challenges, Bat Melech engages with rabbis and other community leaders who are often approached by those in distress. However, these figures may lack the training to respond effectively. “Community rabbis must unequivocally denounce all forms of violence. There can be no excuses. Violence is not the way of the Torah and has no place in our society,” she stated.
Jacobson clarified that while rabbis are not expected to act as therapists, they play a key role in legitimizing the act of seeking professional help. “They should refer those in need to qualified professionals and reinforce the message that seeking psychological support is not shameful—it is essential.”
When asked whether professional help is now more accepted within the haredi community, Jacobson responded affirmatively. “Today, there is growing recognition that just as one consults a doctor for physical illness, it is equally valid to seek mental health support. It is a matter of saving lives.”
She stressed the importance of working with professionals who understand the cultural and religious sensitivities of the Haredi world. “These communities hold immense potential for positive change. But that power also carries a responsibility—to support those who speak out, and to firmly reject all forms of abuse.”
“Any manifestation of violence—be it emotional, financial, or otherwise—must be condemned. Without proper intervention, these situations can rapidly deteriorate,” she warned. “Our goal is not to remove women to shelters or generate sensational headlines. Our mission is to stop violence early—through education, awareness, and proactive community involvement.”