Time of the Purim Feast on Friday
When Purim falls on Friday, the custom is preferably to begin the meal before noon, out of respect for the Sabbath. Someone who didn’t manage to begin the meal before noon should try to start it at least three hours before sunset (Maharil, Rema 695:2). If necessary, one can begin later and finish before sunset, but should eat less to be able to have an appetite for the Friday night meal.
The “Spread a Tablecloth and Make Kiddush” Custom
Another custom is to combine the Purim feast with the Friday night Sabbath meal. The practice is as follows: Pray the afternoon (Mincha) prayer before the meal, begin the meal on Purim day, and about half an hour before sunset welcome the Sabbath by lighting Sabbath candles, spread a tablecloth over the bread and make Kiddush over wine for Shabbat. Since the blessing over wine was already made during the Purim feast, the blessing ‘borei pri ha’gefen’ (“who creates the fruit of the vine”) is skipped in Kiddush. After Kiddush, the meal continues, and a k’beitza (an egg-sized portion) of bread is eaten, or at least a k’zayit (an olive-sized portion), for the sake of the Sabbath meal.
At the end of the meal, the Shabbat additiion (Retzeh) is said in the Birkat Hamazon, Grace After Meals, and the Al HaNissim addition said on Purim is added within the HaRachaman section at the end instead of near the beginnng of the Grace After Meals. After the meal, the evening prayer is recited (Peninei Halakha: Z’manim 16:15).
Is This Custom Preferred?
Some say that one may follow the “spread a tablecloth and make Kiddush” custom as a first choice (Meiri Ketubot 7a). Some even prefer to practice this way because it’s difficult for them to move the meal to the morning, or because in the morning they don’t have an appetite for a large meal, and if they postpone the meal until afternoon they won’t have an appetite for another meal on Friday night. Some want to follow this custom because they want to enhance the Purim mitzvah of sending gifts (mishloach manot) throughout the morning and afternoon as in other years.
However, others say that the “spread a tablecloth and make Kiddush” custom is not ideal, both because it disrupts the order of Sabbath entry (Kaf HaChaim 271:22, based on the Arizal), and because due to doubt, the Al Hanisim addition for Purim is only said within the “May the Merciful One” section of Grace After Meals.
Additionally, this custom might interfere with preparations for Shabbat, including bathing and preparing the home and Sabbath foods. Furthermore, this custom combines the Purim feast with the Friday night meal, and it’s preferable to give each meal its own special place.
In practice, those who wish to observe the meals according to the “spread a tablecloth and make Kiddush” custom may do so, but for those without a preference, it’s better to hold the Purim feast around noon, prepare properly for Shabbat, and after prayers in the synagogue, conduct the Friday night Sabbath meal as usual.
The Joy That Evil Will Turn to Good
Q: How can we rejoice in Purim this year when there are still hostages in captivity? Wouldn’t it be appropriate for rabbis to call for limiting Purim celebrations as a sign of solidarity with the hostages and their families?
A: It is a mitzvah to rejoice on Purim, and this mitzvah was observed even when the Jewish people were in harsh exile and suffered hardships infinitely greater than our suffering. On the contrary, especially in Purim’s joy there is an answer to suffering, since in Purim we learned that even evil will eventually turn to good, and therefore the joy of Purim is the greatest joy.
It should be noted that emphasizing the suffering of the hostages and their families over the suffering of hundreds of bereaved families and all the severely wounded is very hurtful. Beyond that, this discrimination is dangerous because it might encourage hostage exchange deals that could cause the deaths of additional soldiers and civilians, as has happened before.
Miracle through Natural Means
Another reason for the special joy of Purim is that the miracle occurred through natural means, and a miracle that comes through natural means expresses a greater illumination to the world. The divine light is revealed only in what is above nature, but in natural reality the divine illumination is not revealed, and when the miracle comes naturally through Ahasuerus, Esther, and Mordechai, it becomes clear that God directs the entire world and orchestrates everything for the benefit of Israel and their redemption.
As the Alter Rebbe explained the words of the Sages (Jerusalem Talmud Megillah 1:5): that the prophets and writings are destined to be nullified while the Scroll of Esther and the laws of the Oral Torah are not destined to be nullified. He explained that this doesn’t mean they will be nullified, but that the illumination coming from them will not be considered significant compared to the illumination revealed from the laws and from the Scroll of Esther, because the illumination that is clothed in natural means, through Ahasuerus and the entire story of the Megillah, as well as the illumination revealed through practical law, is an illumination “from very high levels” (Torah Or ‘Yavi’u Levush’ 90d-91a).
He further explained that although through obvious miracles there is a more distinct and clear divine revelation, from the perspective of superiority, “the miracles clothed in nature – are from a much higher place” (ibid, ‘Chayav Inish’ 100a). Because this way it becomes clear that everything that happens in the world is through God’s direction, and He orchestrates everything.
Redemption through natural means is a miracle of that type
There are opponents of Zionism who claim that Redemption, meaning the Ingathering of the Exiles and Settlement of the Land, should come from God with signs and wonders.
They derive this from the plain meaning of verses, that God is the one who will gather the exiles and settle the Land, as it is said: “Then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you and gather you again from all the nations where He scattered you. Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back. He will bring you to the land that belonged to your ancestors, and you will take possession of it. He will make you more prosperous and numerous than your ancestors” (Deuteronomy 30:3-5).
And it is also said: “I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land” (Ezekiel 36:24). And likewise in additional verses in the Torah and Prophets. However, the Torah’s intention is that God will help Israel fulfill the commandment, since without God’s help no human effort will bear fruit.
For example, we bless bread with “Who brings forth bread from the earth,” yet it is man who labors for bread through plowing, sowing, harvesting, threshing, winnowing, selecting, grinding, kneading, and baking. But since God created the earth and man, the wheat and the properties that allow bread to be made from it, it is considered that God is the one “Who brings forth bread from the earth.”
Therefore, one should always remember that God is the one who gave us the ability to understand and act, and our role is to settle the Land through natural means with the powers He has given us.
Not to Nullify the Commandment of Settling the Land
If we don’t explain it this way, we would, God forbid, nullify the commandment that God commanded Israel to settle the Land, as it is said: “Take possession of the land and settle in it… You shall inherit the land…” (Numbers 33:53-54). And it is said: “You shall take possession of it and dwell in it” (Deuteronomy 11:31).
So wrote Rabbi Tzvi Hirsch Kalischer in his book ‘Drishat Zion’ (Article 1): “The redemption of Israel that we are waiting for, let not the thinker think that suddenly the Lord, blessed be His name, will descend from heaven to earth, saying to His people ‘Go out!’ Or will send His Messiah suddenly from heaven to blow a great shofar for the scattered of Israel and gather them to Jerusalem, and will make for it a wall of fire and a sanctuary of God – will descend from the heights…” Rather, redemption will come through Israel awakening to go up to the land and settle it, and through this all the words of the prophets will be fulfilled in us.
When Adar Begins, Joy Increases
Our Sages said: “When Av begins, joy is diminished,” “When Adar begins, joy is increased” (Taanit 29a). Our Sages taught us through this that there is no coincidence in the world, and everything has its time, character, and nature. If the First Temple and the Second Temple were destroyed on the ninth of Av, it is a sign that the nature of the beginning of the month of Av is a time for calamity. And if the Purim miracle occurred in the middle of the month of Adar, it is a sign that the month of Adar has a special quality to turn evil to good.
Purim Day
Since Purim lasts only one day, and it is impossible to send endless mishloach manot or participate in meals with all relatives and friends, the question arises: To whom should we prioritize sending portions—our closest friends who are always by our side, or those with whom our relationships are sometimes strained? Should we send two lavish portions to select friends, or ten, twenty, or thirty simpler packages? Similarly, with the feast—should we invite family members from this side or that side, close friends, or perhaps new immigrants? Should the meal be for ten participants or fifty?
The answer is that all these ideas are valid, as this is the essence of Purim—to inspire us throughout the year. Although we cannot send portions to everyone on Purim, the beauty of giving can extend beyond Purim itself. Throughout the year, we can send thoughtful packages to friends and acquaintances—for example, when baking challah or preparing a special dish for Shabbat, we can make a little extra and send it to a friend who had a tough week, is celebrating a birthday, started a new job, or lost one. This way, we extend the heartwarming connection of Purim throughout the year.
The same applies to the feast. While we can only dine with a limited group on Purim, the joy of the meal should deepen our appreciation for friendship and connection, encouraging us to participate in our loved ones’ celebrations year-round—weddings, brit milah ceremonies, and other family and community gatherings.
Similarly, the mitzvah ofmatanot la’evyonim (gifts to the poor) should inspire us to continue giving tzedakah, such as ma’aser kesafim (a tenth of our earnings) or even a fifth, throughout the year.
The mitzvah of reading the Megillah also provides lasting lessons. Through hearing the Megillah, we learn about God’s providence in the world and how evil can be transformed into good. This understanding strengthens us to continue studying Torah and recognizing divine guidance throughout the year.
A Woman’s Profound Question About the Joy of Purim
Q: I am a woman for whom Purim has become a difficult day. Instead of being a joyful occasion, it is one of the most burdensome days of the year. The need to prepare numerous mishloach manot, organize the feast, help the children with their costumes, and accompany them in delivering the packages is overwhelming. This is compounded by hearing the Megillah twice, with all the delays and noise during the “Haman” beatings. The feast itself is also stressful.
While my husband usually helps with Shabbat and festival meals, on Purim I am solely responsible. Additionally, I worry that my husband might get drunk, leaving me to manage both him and the children, along with the discomfort and embarrassment it sometimes causes. I understand that some women enjoy all of this, but I suspect I am not alone in feeling this way.
A: The problem is that in our desire to increase joy, we sometimes overdo it to the point where it ceases to be joyful. This is true for any good thing—when taken to excess, it becomes burdensome and even harmful. Compliments are pleasant, but when exaggerated, they become ridiculous. Friendship is wonderful, but excessive clinging can become oppressive.
Therefore, it is essential to return to the basics and fulfill the mitzvot of Purim properly, ensuring that any additions genuinely enhance joy.
Mishloach Manot:
The mitzvah is to send two food items to one person. Each spouse should send one package, containing at least two portions. Originally, the Purim meal preparation included the preparation of mishloach manot—sharing from what was already prepared for the feast. This minimized the burden while maximizing joy, as one received the best of what their friend had made. Since there is a mitzvah to educate children, each child should give one package to a friend, and beyond that, additional gifts should only be given if they bring joy.
Megillah Reading:
Similarly, when it comes to the Megillah reading, it is best to find a comfortable environment. Ideally, the Megillah should be read in a public setting, but if the noise of beating “Haman” is disturbing, it is appropriate to attend a quieter reading. As I wrote in Peninei Halacha: “Those who wish to continue the custom of beating ‘Haman’ may do so, provided that the entire congregation can still hear the Megillah clearly. However, it is preferable to avoid making noise during the reading, and synagogues where most congregants prefer a quiet reading should announce in advance that no noise will be made.”
The Feast:
Regarding the Purim feast, instead of organizing an overly large gathering, it is better to hold the meal within the family circle. It can be shared with another family, but it is also perfectly acceptable to celebrate with just the nuclear family. The meal should include bread and be as dignified as a festival meal. While meat is preferred for the main dish, chicken, fish, or even dairy dishes are also acceptable.
The Mitzvah of Drinking:
The mitzvah of drinking on Purim is derived from the verse “to make them days of feasting and rejoicing” (Esther 9:22). There are two primary approaches:
- Some hold that one should become intoxicated to the point where they cannot distinguish between “cursed is Haman” and “blessed is Mordechai.” However, if a person knows that they might act inappropriately when drunk, they should only drink enough to become drowsy and fall asleep.
- Others argue that the mitzvah is simply to drink more than usual but not to become drunk to the point of losing control.
Practical Halacha:
Each person should choose the approach that allows them to fulfill the mitzvah joyfully. If a man’s drinking causes his wife distress, he should follow the more moderate approach. If the wife is significantly burdened, this may indicate that he is exceeding even the lenient opinion.
The Daily ‘Peninah’:
On Shushan Purim, participants in the “Peninei Halacha” daily learning program (In Hebrew) will begin the study of Shabbat. By the end of the year, they will complete the two volumes on Shabbat laws, including the 39 melachot, and will then proceed to study the laws of prayer. This initiative involves approximately 6,000 participants across the country.
This article appears in the ‘Besheva’ newspaper, and was translated from Hebrew.
