Rabbi Eliezer Melamed
Rabbi Eliezer MelamedCourtesy

Q: We learned in this past week’s Torah portion, Parshat Vayechi, about Jacob’s blessings to his sons, and to Ephraim and Manasseh. From this, we see that blessings have power. But one could ask: since all blessings come from God, if it is God’s will to bless someone, they will be blessed, and if it is not His will, they will not be blessed. What, then, is the value of the blessings of the righteous, or the parents?

A: Since God created man in His image, He granted man’s speech the power to influence events in this world, and in the higher realms. Therefore, a curse from a person can harm, and a blessing from a person can cause goodness.

When a person sins, their status is damaged, but their situation is often still undecided. When someone curses them, the curse targets the flaw within them, and may tip the balance. On the other hand, when a person performs mitzvot, they accumulate merits, but often, their situation remains in balance. When they are blessed, a path is opened for God’s blessing to descend upon them. Blessing (in Hebrew, bracha) indicates ‘adding’ and ‘abundance’, while a curse (k’lalah) signifies ‘reduction’, and ‘deficiency’.

The power of blessings is greater than the power of curses, as our Sages said: “A good measure is always greater than a measure of punishment” (Sotah 11a).

The Blessings of Noah, Isaac, and Jacob for Their Children

A parent’s blessing for their children has a particularly powerful effect, and when the parents are righteous, their blessing has an even stronger influence. This is why the curse that Noah pronounced upon his son Ham and his grandson Canaan, as well as the blessing he gave to Shem and Japheth, had an effect on them, and their descendants. As it is written: “And he said, ‘Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be to his brothers.’ And he said, ‘Blessed be the Lord, the God of Shem; and let Canaan be his servant. May God enlarge Japheth, and may he dwell in the tents of Shem; and let Canaan be his servant.'” (Genesis 9:25-27).

Similarly, when Isaac, our father, was about to bless his eldest son Esau, his mother Rebecca feared that the blessing would be given to one who was not worthy of it, and she instructed Jacob to receive the blessing that was truly meant for him. Even after Isaac discovered that he had been tricked and blessed Jacob, he understood that his blessing had already taken effect on Jacob (Genesis 28:1-6).

Likewise, when Jacob, our father, blessed the sons of Joseph, he carefully placed his right hand upon Ephraim, as he had the divine insight that Ephraim, the younger one, would surpass Manasseh (Genesis 48:14-20). And just before his death, Jacob was careful to bless his sons in the appropriate and specific manner for each one, as it says: “And he blessed them, each according to the blessing he gave them.” (Genesis 49:28).

Parents’ Blessings

Not only do special righteous individuals have the power to bless their children, but all parents have a unique power to bless their children. Since parents raise their children with love and care, and with the intention to improve their lives, they act as a channel for the blessing to flow to their children. Therefore, their blessing carries significant weight. Furthermore, because they gave birth to their children, it was decreed from Heaven that they be the conduits of blessings for their children.

Because the blessings of parents have special power, many parents have the custom of blessing their children before significant events, such as weddings, entering school, military service, receiving a job, or traveling abroad. Many parents also bless their children on Friday night, as this is a special time for blessings, when the Shabbat enters with peace for Israel, and even the accusers are silenced, bringing joy and serenity, and blessing is added to the world.

Many parents also bless their children and grandchildren on the eve of Yom Kippur, when the heart is open to repentance, and in general, the blessing they give their children and grandchildren encourages them to return to repentance, and strengthen their commitment to the Torah and mitzvot (Mateh Ephraim 589:2; Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:16).

Blessing Parents before Their Death

It is also fitting for parents to strive to bless their children before their death, as before a person dies, their soul is freed from the bonds of the body and is purified, and therefore, they have additional strength to bless (Sforno, Genesis 27:2; Radal). Our Sages also said: “You find that the righteous bless their children at the time of their death, as Isaac said to Esau, ‘I will bless you before the Lord, before I die.’ Therefore, when Jacob fell ill, Joseph took his two sons and brought them to his father to be blessed” (Tanchuma Vayechi 5).

Since a blessing said before death has great influence, parents who bless their children before their death are showing kindness to them. Even the children who come to their parents to receive their blessing before their death are repaying their parents with kindness, as they demonstrate their desire to continue their parents’ legacy (Ma’avar Yabok, Emerei No’am 28).

What Is a Blessing?

A blessing that a person gives to another in their presence, contains a prayer to God, along with preparing the recipient to receive the blessing. When the person being blessed hears the blessing, their heart opens to accept it, and the blessing they receive becomes a conduit through which Divine abundance can flow to them. Therefore, a blessing combines both prayer, and spiritual action, to determine the future (see, Sefer Ha’Ikarim 4:19).

A Blessing between People

Even a blessing from one person to another has influence. As our Sages said: “Never let the blessing of an ordinary person seem insignificant to you, for two great leaders of the generation blessed them, and it was fulfilled. These are David, and Daniel” (Megillah 15a).

The power of a blessing is so great, that it can save from destruction. As it is written: “And the women said to Naomi, ‘Blessed be the Lord who has not left you without a redeemer today, and may his name be famous in Israel.'” (Ruth 4:14). Our Sages explained that, thanks to this blessing, many generations later, the descendants of David were saved when Athaliah arose to destroy them (Ruth Rabbah 7:15).

Likewise, our Sages instructed that all participants in a circumcision should bless the infant: “Just as he entered the covenant, so may he enter into Torah, marriage, and good deeds” (Shabbat 137b).

Prohibition of Cursing

It is prohibited by the Torah to curse someone, wishing for their death, illness, or other misfortune. Even if the person does not hear the curse, it is still forbidden to curse, as it is written: “You shall not curse the deaf” (Leviticus 19:14). Two reasons are given for this prohibition: First, a curse corrupts the soul of the one who curses, filling them with negative traits such as hatred, anger, and vengeance (Maimonides, Book of Commandments, Negative Commandment 248).

Second, a person is created in the image of God, and one of the main expressions of this image is the ability to speak. Thus, a person’s speech has power in both this world, and the Heavenly realms. Therefore, when one curses another, they harm them in this world, and cause accusations to arise against them in the Heavenly realms (Sefer HaChinuch 431; Zohar, Section 3, 85:1).

The Harm in Cursing

Generally, a person is judged according to their actions, not according to the curses cast upon them. Therefore, usually, when someone acts righteously, curses do not harm them, as it is said: “A curse without cause, will not come to rest” (Proverbs 22:6). However, in times of danger, if a person has a flaw, even if they are righteous, the curse may target that flaw, and amplify negative judgments against them (see, Zohar, Section 1, 175:1; Menorat HaMaor 20; Ohr HaChaim BaMidbar 23:8).

Our Sages also explained in the Mishnah (Makkot 11:1) that those who kill accidentally and need to flee to a city of refuge, are only freed when the High Priest dies. The mothers of the High Priests would provide food and clothing to the accidental murderers, so they would not pray for the death of their sons. Our Sages asked: “What does it matter if they pray, for a curse without cause will not come to rest?” Our Sages answered that even the High Priests had some measure of guilt, as they did not pray enough for their generation to avoid accidental murder.

This shows that a curse can harm even those who have not sinned, particularly when their flaw is connected to the reason they were cursed.

Curses Generally Return to the One Who Curses

In principle, it is permitted for a person to curse a wicked person who has sinned against them (Sanhedrin 85a). We also find that Prophets and Sages cursed those who sinned against them. However, because of the danger, it is better to avoid using curses. When a curse is not fully justified, it may return to the one who uttered it. Our Sages said (Sanhedrin 48b) that it is better to be among the cursed, than among those who curse.

This was demonstrated when King David cursed Joab, the son of Zeruiah, for killing Abner, the general of Israel’s army, and hindering the process of uniting the tribes of Israel under David’s rule. David said: “I am innocent, and my kingdom is innocent, before the Lord forever from the blood of Abner ben Ner. May the curse fall upon the head of Joab and all his family, and may there not be a man cut off from the house of Joab who is a leper, or who holds a weapon, or who falls by the sword, or who lacks bread.” (2 Samuel 3:28-29).

Our Sages said: “All the curses that David placed upon Joab were fulfilled in the descendants of David.” This means that when his descendants sinned, the curse of David came back to haunt them, and caused them to be punished.

Should One Fear Curses?

Although curses have the power to cause harm, it is better for a person not to fear them, because the more one fears them, the greater their harmful effect will be. Rather, one should strengthen themselves to follow the ways of God, for this is the most beneficial thing for protection from curses. As God commanded Israel in the section where all forms of sorcery are prohibited: ‘You shall be wholehearted with the Lord your God’ (Deuteronomy 18:13), and through this, you will be attached to life, and saved from all sorcerers and their curses.

Furthermore, when a person knows that the curses directed at them are unjust, it is appropriate for them to strengthen their faith that these curses will turn into good, and will not harm them. The more they strengthen themselves in this belief, the more it will indeed be so. Not only that, but the curses themselves will fall back upon the head of the one who uttered them, as it is said: ‘A curse without cause will not come to rest’ (Proverbs 26:2). The commentators explain there that if the curse is unjust, it returns to the head of the one who cursed (Rashi, Ralbag, and Metzudat David).

And thus, the Meiri (on Proverbs 26:2) wrote that a wise person should not fear rebuking someone for fear of being cursed, because ‘God will turn the curse into a blessing for him,’ and the curse will return to the one who uttered it.”

Revivim, rabbi Eliezer Melamed

This article appears in the ‘Besheva’ newspaper, and was translated from Hebrew.