Rav Ilan Goldman is a friend of Torah MiTzion
לֹא תִשְׂנָא אֶת אָחִיךָ בִּלְבָבֶךָ הוֹכֵחַ תּוֹכִיחַ אֶת עֲמִיתֶךָ וְלֹא תִשָּׂא עָלָיו חֵטְא,
‘You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall surely rebuke your fellow, and not bear sin because of him.’
There are two different ways to understand the mitzvah of rebuking. The commentators and the Rambam in Hilchot De’ot refer to both options. Consequently, the one commandment translates into two separate Halackot.
The first understanding speaks of the hatred which is often created by bearing a grudge. When a person does something to offend us, often we think it wrong to approach them and speak about it, we feel ashamed of creating a fuss, or perhaps of not being ‘man’ enough to deal with it.
However, the Torah gives us an insight in to human nature, which is far more accurate than any psychological theory. Aside from pious people, the average person when offended will develop hatred inside unless he approaches the offender. The commentators in fact talk of giving the ‘offender’ the chance to respond. Who knows, it is possible that you misunderstood and now things will be cleared up. It is also possible that the person will then recognise their wrong doing and apologise, perhaps even repent. In any event, it is fascinating that the Torah actually dedicates a mitzvah to resolve conflict between two friends.
The other way of understanding the rebuking is regarding a person who transgresses, not to his friends, but to Hashem. If a person were to transgress, there is a mitzvah to rebuke him. There are many conditions to this mitzvah, and it is not, as all other mitzvot, as simple as it seems. In order to rebuke, one must be clean of transgressions himself. One must approach the person and emphasise his good attributes and behaviour, and in essence, the person rebuking should do so because he cares about the transgressor and the transgression committed and not for any other external reason.
The Gemara records several opinions regarding the difficulty of this mitzvah: ‘It was taught: R. Tarfon said, I wonder whether there is anyone in this generation who accepts rebuke’, for if one were to rebuke another, his friend is likely to answer ‘look who’s talking’! “
R. Eleazar b. Azariah said: I wonder if there is one in this generation who knows how to rebuke!”
As a general conclusion, in a generation where sadly a majority of our people do not claim to observe the Torah and mitzvot we can see the teachings of the Gemara elsewhere as relevant guidelines: ‘R. Ile’a further stated in the name of R. Eleazar son of R. Simeon: As one is commanded to say that which will be obeyed, so too one is commanded not to say that which will not be obeyed. R. Abba stated: It is a duty; for it is said in Scripture, Rebuke not a scorner, lest he hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you‘.
Hence, we find that at times we are prevented from fulfilling this mitzvah and at other times we are obliged to fulfil it under many conditions. The mitzvah, as mentioned above, is meant to avoid the outcome of hatred. Supposedly, a fellow Jew who transgresses is something which is meant to be tremendously disturbing.
Perhaps in generations in which the entire nation was Torah observant, one would take it to heart if they were to see a fellow Jew desecrating the Shabbat. However, for us who have grown up in a very different world, it is hard to actually take such things to heart. Furthermore, in our day and age, when ‘live and let live’ has become the common approach, we have become comfortable with the concept of multiple truths.
It is therefore an important reminder to us, that in an ideal world it should be painful to see a fellow Jew transgressing. It is a complex world in which we live. On the one hand we educate and strive for tolerance towards one another, and on the other hand, while we educate for this, it should not lead to apathy and the sight of a fellow Jew transgressing should internally disturb us.
Torah MiTzion stands in the forefront of the battle for the future of the Jewish people in the Diaspora, offering religious-Zionist Torah scholarship to Jewish communities throughout the world and strengthening the bond between the Jewish people in the Diaspora and in Israel via the study of Torah.
For comments: ilanrgoldman@gmail.com