Leaving a Child Out of One's Will

 Q: Our son acts impolitely towards us, does not respect us, and is almost completely not religious. We are considering dispossessing him from our inheritance that we will leave for the rest of our children after we pass on. Is this the proper thing to do?

A: The Sages do not look approvingly upon someone who dispossesses his children, or even one of them, from his inheritance. Accordingly, the 'Amora' (ancient Jewish scholar) Shmuel told Rabbi Yehudah, to be careful not to sign a will of a father who dispossessed one of his children from his inheritance. And even if the father has two children – one good, and one evil – Rabbi Yehudah was warned not to sign as a witness on a will that transfers the inheritance of the evil child to the good one (Talmud Baba Batra 133b).

This law was codified in the Shulchan Aruch [Code of Jewish Law] (Choshen Mishpat 282:1). The basis for this law is that even if one's child is not good, nevertheless, his grandchild might end up being good. If his father deprives him of his inheritance, the child will be bitterly insulted and distance himself even further from the family, and consequently, the odds are even greater that he won't educate his children properly. In difficult cases, it is best to consult with a 'talmid chacham'.

Parents who show favoritism among their children arouse controversy and destroy their family. The disinherited child will accuse his siblings of flattering their parents in order to alienate him and take his share of the inheritance, and will bear a grudge for the rest of his life. His children will grow-up distanced from their relatives, and the family will be torn apart.

Additionally, chances are that in the long run, even the children who received a larger portion of the inheritance will feel estranged from their parents. True, they will be happy about receiving a larger portion of the inheritance, but towards their parents they will feel a sense of alienation. The bond between children and their parents must be absolute and eternal, a connection independent of any specific factor. If the children see that the relationship with their parents is dependent on honoring or flattering them, they will not consider them good parents, but instead as people who cared more about their honor, to the point where even with their own children, they acted with pettiness and vindiction.

Nevertheless, a distinction must be made between a person who occasionally sins, but in general is connected to Jewish tradition, and someone who completely left the faith. It is proper not to disinherit a child who remains connected to Jewish tradition, for the chances are that he or his children will one day return to traditional Judaism. However, someone who completely left traditional Judaism and is likely to assimilate among the non-Jews, the chances of his children returning to traditional Judaism are minimal, leaving room to consider disinheriting him from all or part of the inheritance (see Igrot Moshe, Choshen Mishpat 2:50; Dinei Maimonot by Rav Batzri, part 3, gate 5:3; Pitchei Hachoshen, part 9, 4:1).

Can Preference be given to Religious Children?

Q: One of our children is slightly religious, but in general, considers himself as being secular. Isn't there any way I can strengthen the religiosity of my family by means of the inheritance?

A: One suggestion might be to dedicate a certain portion of the inheritance towards payment for Torah education of your grandchildren and great-grandchildren. In this manner all your children – without exception – will be encouraged to send their children to Torah institutions, and if one of them decides to send his children to a secular school, he loses his portion by himself. Nevertheless, it is advisable to divide a portion of the inheritance evenly amongst all the children, in order to convey the absolute connection between yourselves and your children.

Can Preference be given to a Child Who Teaches Torah?

Q: Is it permitted to give a larger portion of one's inheritance to a son who teaches in yeshiva, has a relatively low salary, and has more children?

A: If the goal is to help maintain a 'talmid chacham' (Torah scholar), and his other siblings realize this and won't become jealous – he can be given a larger portion of the inheritance. If, however, they will be jealous, it is forbidden to show favoritism. In a related fashion, we have learned in the Torah that our forefather Ya'acov favored Yosef more than his brothers, showing him slight preference. However, because his brothers did not appreciate his exceeding virtues, they became jealous of him, and a terrible rift was created in Ya'acov's family.

This is what the Sages have said (Talmud Shabbat 10b): "One should never show preference for one child above his other children, as for the sake of two coins' weight of silk (the colorful coat), which Ya'acov bestowed on Yosef in preference to his other sons, the brothers became jealous of Yosef, and the development brought about our ancestors' migration into Egypt."

However, while still alive, parents are permitted to provide additional assistance to a son who learns Torah, and can even make an agreement with him, similar to that of Yissachar and Zevulon, [where the former would learn Torah full-time, and the latter would finance his brother's studies, and in return, receive part of the reward]. Such an agreement the other siblings could probably understand, seeing that it is not an absolute declaration that the parents prefer this son over the others. But in the inheritance itself, which reflects the ultimate and final attitude toward the children, it is forbidden to discriminate without the matter being willfully agreed upon by all.