Managing Debt
Unless you’ve been hibernating, you have certainly heard that the United States Congress voted to raise its national debt ceiling by 2.4 trillion while pledging to cut spending by nearly the same amount.
Margaret Thatcher famously said that any housewife could manage Britain’s economy. The fundamentals are the same. The average homeowner knows its bad policy to borrow from Master Card to pay off Visa. If we ignore our debt and continue to borrow we will eventually max out our MasterCard and face an even greater problem.
The same thinking should apply on the macro level. Raising the debt ceiling is the equivalent of borrowing more money. But borrowing more to resolve a debt crisis only pushes off the inevitable payment date when the government will be forced to default. So why don’t these rules apply?
It is because the government can get away with what the average housewife cannot. If the US government votes to raise its debt ceiling creditors will extend it more money. The average family doesn’t have that luxury. If it wants to borrow its way out of debt it will be shown the backdoor.
Creditors are willing to lend to the government for two reasons. One, the United States has never defaulted yet and two, the United States cannot be permitted to collapse. If this house of cards collapses the world wide economy will be devastated. Yet, if the economic crises in Portugal and Greece have taught us anything, it is that we can postpone, but not prevent the inevitable day of reckoning. At some point even a government must pay its debt or default.
That the debt ceiling was raised on the condition that spending practices be curtailed and means be found to save at least the same amount of money that will be borrowed is helpful. Nevertheless, lenders might still downgrade the country’s credit rating (a fancy way of saying that they will refuse to extend further loans on similar terms) but at least an effort has been made to improve the country’s business practices and credit worthiness.
These adjustments will entail a combined approach of cutting spending and raising taxes. Though politicians like to rhapsodize over excessive taxation and crucial entitlements everyone knows that the final agreement must include a fair measure of both. That is how it is done on the home level. We convince our lenders that we are credit worthy by curtailing our spending habits and raising revenue.
I am neither an accountant nor an economist. If I have oversimplified an otherwise sophisticated and complex subject I blame it on my lack of expertise, but let me explain why I undertook this explanation in the first place. As a Rabbi I see parallels between the dynamics of banking and loans of love.
The Love Loan
We are all familiar with bank procedures. We deposit funds with the bank and withdraw what we have deposited. The problems begin when we withdraw more than 
The more we give, the more we deposit in the bank of our relationship.
we have deposited and seek a loan. One loan is easy to obtain, but when we seek multiple loans, we run into difficulties.
Relationships work on a similar model. We deposit good will with our spouse through the loving gestures that we offer. The more we give, the more we deposit in the bank of our relationship. So long as we have a reserve of love on deposit our spouse is content to allow our withdrawals.
We make a withdrawal when we require a loving embrace or gesture. When we are ill and in need of care, our spouse is more than happy to tend to us, but we must remember that this is the equivalent of a withdrawal. We cannot make the mistake of taking this love withdrawal for granted and fail to recognize that the store of love we had on deposit is slowly being depleted.
Unless we top off the love account, our spouse will soon have given more than received. At first this won’t matter. Loving relationships have ebb and flow. Sometimes one spouse gives more, sometimes the other gives more. Each is willing to extend love on credit knowing it will eventually be returned. The problem begins when one makes so many love withdrawals as to max out the credit limit. When we take out too many loans and fail to make payments, our spouse begins to feel abused. The accounts are empty and there is nothing left to give.
At first we don’t understand why we can’t just continue to withdraw. This turns into a nagging sense of emptiness, followed by frustration, anger and finally full blown resentment.
Balanced Solution
If we were the US Government there would be a simple solution. We would raise the debt ceiling and go right on making withdrawals. But real life is not that simple. We can raise all we like, but our spouse won’t give. The only way forward is to acknowledge the problem and overhaul our spending practices.
This requires a balanced effort of depositing more and withdrawing less. Making deposits won’t help if we continue to demand the same rate of withdrawal. Our spouse needs to nurtured and love, not demands. It also won’t help to just stop withdrawing. If we ask for nothing and appear to require nothing our spouse might feel unneeded and terminate the relationship
The proper approach is a blend of giving more and taking less. This demonstrates a genuine love and a continued commitment to make the relationship work. Not every debt crisis can be resolved. However, given time, mutual resolve and a competent therapist, the relationship stands a fighting chance.
Be Proactive
Detecting love deficits early can be a challenge. Loving spouses hate to confront the reality of a burgeoning problem and prefer to believe that all is fine. It is painful to allow the house of cards to tumble so the abused spouse props it up by extending love loans long after it is wise to do so. This only postpones the inevitable day of reckoning. At some point it will be too burdensome to prop it up and the problem will have to be confronted. By then it will be late and the marriage might default.
The solution is to be ever vigilant and cognizant of the little things. Every time you make a major withdrawal be sure to return with a major deposit. You don’t need a reason to offer a smile, a hug or a kiss. Flowers and gifts don’t have to wait for special occasions. Give it now while the giving is good. Don’t wait until it’s too late.