Life is funny. Sometimes one wakes up in the morning and has no idea what one is going to have for breakfast. Some other times, however, events of historic importance can be predicted without a problem.



For example, I can name the exact date when the War on Terror will end: January 23, 2009. Here's why. This November, John Kerry doesn't stand a chance, but by November 2008 everyone is going to be sick and tired of the Republicans, and Hillary Clinton will easily win over Dick Cheney or whoever else the GOP may come up with for the purpose. On January 21, 2009, she will be sworn in; the next day she will be recuperating after the inaugural festivities, like any normal human being would do in a similar situation; but on the morning of January 23, like it or not, she will have to start taking care of business, and there will be no business more urgent than getting out of that senseless war. Senseless not because it isn't necessary - it most certainly is - but because the way it's been conducted guarantees that we cannot win it.



The only way to fight malaria is to drain the swamps. Hunting the baddest mosquitoes individually the way Israel does, or invading the swamp hoping that a new, non-bloodsucking mosquito species will emerge as a result, as we do, can only get us so far. Too bad our leaders lack the wisdom, courage and ability to tell right from wrong when needed to defeat terrorism.



Yasser Arafat's future is not difficult to predict either. Arafat will die. I know it's hard to believe. With his lifestyle, he should've died a really ugly death a long time ago. Why do you think he didn't get married until old age? Even he didn't think he would've lived that long, so, instead of messing with human females, he was waiting to get to his heavenly harem. Then he saw he wasn't going anywhere soon and married a fat, drastically unnatural blonde with a poetic name, Suha. He even fathered a child with her; at least, that's what the official version says. Then Suha moved to Paris, where she lives the life of ease under the watchful eye of her husband's goons. The only kiss she has gotten ever since came from Hillary Clinton. But this is all in the past, while we are interested in the future.



As I said, in the future, Arafat will die. However, he will not die a violent death like Sheikh Yassin or Dr. Rantisi. He will not suffer a heart attack either, because heartless monsters are immune to that particular disease. Arafat will pass away of a long, grave illness in some hospital in Cairo.



Getting him there will have to be coordinated with the Israelis, who haven't allowed him to leave the Mukata for many months. The Israeli government will have to choose between two distinctly different approaches to the situation: one will demand to show humanity towards a frail old man; the other can be best expressed with the words "Let him croak in his Mukata!" Needless to say, the suicidal Jewish humanism will win, and Arafat will be allowed to leave.



However, he will be in no hurry to take advantage of his enemies' inexplicable kindness. First, he will demand guarantees from the United States that he will be allowed to return whenever he likes. In fact, by that time, it will be clear to everybody that Arafat will never return to Ramalla, but not because of the proverbial Israeli cruelty or his failing health. During his long years at the helm of the terrorist organization known as the "Palestinian people", a long and impatient line of wannabes formed behind him. His terminal illness will present an opportunity they won't want to miss.



Despite that certainty, the government of Israel will at first refuse to guarantee his return, expecting to squeeze something out of the United States in exchange for that. The bargaining will take time, and the Americans will try to use it by sending State Department operatives to the terrorists in hope to replace the dying Arafat with someone they will be able to work with. Nothing will come from their efforts. Finally, the Americans will promise something to Israel, and Israel will relent. The Americans will never deliver.



Meanwhile, mass media all over the world will be outraged by the cruelty of the Zionists in condemning the harmless old man to death. As usually happens whenever Israel is concerned, a highly non-obvious analogy will be suggested between the treatment of Arafat by the Israeli government and medical experiments on Jewish children conducted during the Holocaust by SS doctors. Despite its apparent flaws, the analogy will become very popular, especially among Holocaust deniers.



Arafat will use the delay to ensure that his own people will not use his illness to quietly finish him off and blame the Jews for it. He would much rather go to a hospital in Israel, since both their doctors and security are far superior to whatever he will be able to get in Egypt. But Israel will not extend an invitation, and the trusted envoy Arafat will send across the Green Line to try and elicit it will return empty-handed. The only people this envoy will have access to will not have the power to make decisions. Their meeting with him will be postponed several times, and when it finally takes place, they will be impeccably polite, unpleasantly non-committal, and manifestly disinterested in whatever Arafat will have to offer in exchange for medical treatment in Israel.



Afghanistan, which at the time will hold the presidency of the Security Council, will propose a resolution condemning Israel for Arafat's illness. The resolution will be co-sponsored by France and Germany. It will get 13 votes; Great Britain will abstain; the United States will veto it. The nonaligned states will try to introduce a similar resolution at the General Assembly, but before the slow wheels of the UN bureaucracy start turning, Arafat will have arrived in Cairo, and the resolution will never see the light of day.



Installed in his hospital ward in Cairo, Arafat will not die right away. For a while, "Palestinian" VIPs and equally unimportant Arab officials will visit him more or less regularly. But the stream of visitors will gradually dry up, until one day a newly elected president of the future "Palestinian state" comes to receive his official blessing. After that, he will be largely forgotten. Besides the security guards, a faithful Suha will stay at his side the longest, getting more and more on his nerves, but even she will eventually tire of waiting for his death and return to Paris to take care of her billions.



Most foreigners attending the funeral will be figureheads from local embassies. The Arab world will correctly perceive their low rank as a sign of disrespect. Nevertheless, their presence will prevent turning the funeral into the usual "Palestinian" hate parade with calls for the murder of Jews and their American lackeys. Arafat will be declared a shaheed, whose death can only be avenged by expanding and intensifying jihad.



Israel will attempt to prevent burying Arafat on the Temple Mount. In exchange for a promise that will never be fulfilled, Americans will convince Israel to agree, on condition that the interment will not be accompanied by too much pomp.



Despite all precautions, the ceremony will attract huge crowds and end up as a riot. Israeli police will not interfere, and the "Palestinians" will kill a couple dozen of their own. Newspapers will report that the riot and shooting were provoked by agents of the Mossad and the CIA. Arab countries will try to push for an appropriate condemnation at the Security Council, but the US and Great Britain will quietly, behind the scenes, state their opposition, and the vote will never take place.



Due to the complexity of the overall international situation, the Russians will take the demise of their protege in stride. The Chechens will rename one of their bigger villages Yasserabad.



After careful consideration, Mel Gibson will decide not to make a movie about the last 12 hours of Arafat's life.



Arafat's tomb will begin attracting an inordinate number of pilgrims, which will emphasize the status of Jerusalem as the third most important holy place of Islam. Israeli authorities will be forced to regulate the stream of visitors. Their measures will cause protests all over the world and inspire the UN to adopt a few dozen more anti-Semitic resolutions. Muslims everywhere will be demanding that the hero's tomb be liberated.



About 70 years later, an earthquake will hit Jerusalem. The city will remain mostly undamaged, but everything on top of the Temple Mount will be destroyed to the foundation. The Israeli government will show an uncharacteristic determination and reject all attempts to rebuild the mosques until every ounce of soil is put through a fine sieve in search of long lost artifacts. Without a special invitation, foreign archaeologists won't be allowed even to observe the work at the dig. The work will take decades. Most finds will be damaged beyond recognition. Only one object, thought to have been lost forever many centuries ago, will be found in a surprisingly good shape. Years of painstaking research will confirm the initial guess of its identity: the Ark of the Covenant.



Clearing out the remnants of the Temple Mount of everything that doesn't belong there will take several more years. By the time construction of the Third Temple begins, oil will no longer be the lifeblood of world's economy. The Arab world will be afflicted with myriad plagues, terrorism being the most painful and persistent among them. This will allow Israel to tactfully disregard the passionate objections of its neighbors. And when the newly rebuilt Temple finally opens its doors to worshippers, the world around it will be very different from ours.



And Arafat? Arafat will be forgotten.