It starts small, like a missed call, a family member not attending a family gathering or being excessively worried during a routine interaction. Alone, each may not mean anything but together, they could make those around them start wondering whether stress, a mental disorder or substance abuse is getting too much for them to handle.
Figuring out how to respond to this situation may prove even trickier than spotting it in the first place. The family may wish to do something about it, but at the same time, they do not want to hurt their loved one by raising the issue. What is more, they want to make sure that they will not make things worse for him/her. And before finding out how to fix the situation, it would be wise to take away the burden of figuring everything out.
Start With What You Have Noticed
The dialogue might remain more open if you were to start with something that you have noticed and not the judgment itself. "You look tired and have stopped enjoying yourself," leaves some space for them to react, but "You have a problem," demands an acceptance of your diagnosis before anything else can be said.
Make sure that you choose the right time to talk, preferably when there is no urgency or tension. Start the conversation by asking them how they are doing and wait for their answer. Should they insist that everything is okay, you can tell them why you think otherwise and let them know that the topic can come up again later on.
Listening does not imply solving all the conflicts right away.
Help Make the Next Step Manageable
“Getting help" is already a scary thought for somebody who is already struggling. There may be questions regarding cost, effort, confidentiality, and the concept of becoming institutionalized as a form of treatment. "Would you like to sit with me and go over your options" or "helping organize an assessment" is an easier request to consider.
This is where accessing support becomes a practical next step rather than an abstract suggestion. Marietta Springs is a behavioral healthcare center located in Georgia that offers a detailed admission process where substance abuse and mental issues are taken into account before the appropriate level of care is offered. Based on the website, the levels of care offered by Marietta Springs include partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient treatment, and traditional outpatient treatment. Based on the patient's condition, the right level of care is determined during clinical assessment.
For families seeking help in Georgia and coming from other states, the following questions need to be asked: What is the process of assessment? How are the issues related to mental and substance use taken into account during the assessment? What is the schedule, and how can it be adjusted for the patient?
Support Does Not Mean Taking Over
But once a family member becomes problematic, all phone calls, appointments, and difficult conversations start being controlled. It is understandable. However, even if the person starts receiving help, he or she still needs to be able to take certain actions, ask certain questions, and choose certain realistic goals.
TheU.S. Surgeon General’s report, available through NIH Bookshelf recommends approaching substance use disorders as health conditions rather than moral failings. It also notes that loved ones can offer support while maintaining boundaries that protect their own well-being. Such recommendations give some useful guidance, since the person can be worried and helpful while giving a voice to another person.
There is always something that a family cannot allow the person to do. If a person is in danger or might hurt himself or herself and other people or just needs professional help, call the authorities immediately.
Keep Boundaries Clear and Compassionate
Getting into sides does not mean approving of any actions that can harm both yourself and other members of your family. Your boundary could be connected to financial issues, drinking and driving, drug abuse in your family, and your reaction during a heated discussion. In this case, it would be better to tell your boundary directly rather than to give a threatening statement that you would be unable to fulfill.
For instance, “I will not loan you money, but perhaps we could look for information about treatment prices" sounds much better than explaining why you should not do it. By setting a boundary, you also show that you are ready to help in a different manner. Some times, you might have to remind someone about your boundaries because of the constant crisis situations that occur in your family during several months.
Your relatives and friends might also need some help because assisting them might exhaust you. It could be helpful to talk about it to a professional or discuss it with your friend or family member or visit a support group in order to realize what kind of assistance you can provide.
Expect the Conversation to Continue
Individuals may seek help immediately or decide to ponder their options or reject them altogether. No particular answer can provide an overview of further developments. Be prepared to continue negotiations in the future and be clear regarding the moment in time that you are going to return to this topic.
Treatment development does not mean that the relationships between the family members will get better at the same time. It takes time to earn trust and some other issues might come after the end of the program. Discover how much involvement the person needs, respect the confidentiality of the treatment, and concentrate on the daily routines that they need.
Converting worries into help is possible due to the following steps: observation, asking, listening, offering help, and defining clear limits. Family cannot compel the individual to recover. They can only facilitate the expression of their needs.