Edited by B. Silberstein
Kedusha and Its Demands
This week’s Parsha, Emor, deals with two central topics: the special Mitzvot pertaining to the Kohanim (priests) who served in the Temple and the festivals of the Jewish year.
The Kohen (priest) has a unique status because he is invested with a higher degree of sanctity than an “ordinary" Jew. In Judaism, a greater degree of sanctity brings with it additional restrictions.
For example, a Kohen is not permitted to marry any woman he chooses. He is forbidden to marry a divorcée, though he may marry a widow. The Kohen Gadol (chief priest), who enters the Kodesh HaKodashim (Holy of Holies) on Yom Kippur, bears an even higher measure of sanctity. Therefore, the Torah commands him:
“And he shall take a wife in her virginity. A widow, or a divorcée, or one who is profaned, or a harlot, these he shall not take; but a virgin of his own people shall he take as a wife" (VaYikra 21:13-14).
The Modern Challenge to Torah Values
These Mitzvot do not sit easily with the modern mindset. First and foremost, the very idea of restrictions on the natural inclination toward love is difficult. Who are we to withhold from a person the “desires of the heart," especially in a matter as fundamental as love? Moreover, the singling out of the divorcée and widow, and particularly the stricter prohibition placed upon the Kohen Gadol, appears to be a form of discrimination.
There was a time when society frowned upon divorce and regarded those who experienced it as somehow flawed. Indeed, until not long ago, the prevailing view was that a divorced person was not fit to be elected to the Presidency of the United States.
Of course, this is no longer the case in our day, in the era of the new morality, in which “everything" is permitted and traditional values are regarded as obsolete.
Lifelong Marriage as an Ideal, Divorce as a Necessary Concession
This should prompt us to strive to understand the Torah’s attitude toward divorce. This attitude is markedly different from that of other religions which, at least doctrinally, forbid it entirely.
Judaism is a bit ambivalent on the subject. It views the marital bond as extremely serious. A marriage of tranquility and stability is vital to the well-being of husband and wife and is essential for creating the proper framework in which to raise children.
Therefore, a person must approach marriage with utmost seriousness. He or she must choose a spouse with careful judgment, with the attitude that the relationship is meant to be permanent, and must completely reject the thought that “if things do not work out, one can always get divorced."
At the same time, the Torah is eminently realistic and compassionate. It takes into account that despite all our efforts, we are bound to make mistakes, especially in a matter as complicated as lifelong relationships. Aaron the Kohen Gadol was known as a pursuer of peace and would go from house to house to restore harmony between quarreling husbands and wives.
Our Sages teach in the closing lines of Tractate Gittin (90b) that anyone who divorces his first wife causes even the Altar to shed tears, as it is stated:
“And this further do you do, you cover with tears the altar of Hashem with weeping and displays of grief; so much so that He will no longer regard your Mincha offering, nor receive with goodwill from your hand. And you say, ‘For what?’; because Hashem has borne witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, even though she is your companion, and the wife of your covenant" (Malachi 2:13-14).
These words emphasize the profound gravity of dissolving a marital bond.
Yet sometimes, even though it did not appear so at the outset, two people are simply not meant for each other, and the main theme of their shared life is strife. A mistake has been made, and it is corrosive for people to remain trapped in a prison of misery. Therefore, the Torah permits, and at times recognizes the necessity, to dissolve an unsuccessful union, allowing both partners to rebuild their lives in peace.
In granting this dispensation, the Torah did not intend to imply that it is without misgivings. In my opinion, restricting the Kohen from marrying a divorcée makes the point that divorce is a deviation from the ideal. The Kohen is required to live according to a higher level of sanctity. His choice of a partner should reflect the ideal of an unbroken original bond.
I must clarify that I do not regard divorced people as having any flaw whatsoever. The dissolution of their marriage does not reflect on their character or indicate any moral defect. However, the Torah regards it as imperative to remind us that we should regard divorce as an unfortunate but sometimes necessary step and strive to arrange marriages that are permanent.
Kedusha, Society, and the Measure of Greatness
This teaching is extremely relevant to contemporary Jewish life. Society at large has undergone a radical change in its attitude toward marriage and divorce, and the percentage of dissolved unions has skyrocketed. Traditionally, the divorce rate among Jews, especially those who are Torah-observant, was very low. However, the force of assimilation has taken its toll, and the divorce rate among all Jews has risen alarmingly, even as Torah-observant communities have largely resisted the broader societal trend.
This matter deserves our careful attention. We are called upon to be “a Holy Nation," and the ability to sustain stable, joyful, and lasting relationships is a significant manifestation of our character. Therefore, Jewish education must invest greater effort and resources in guiding our youth in this vital area: providing guidance before marriage on choosing a partner with wisdom and foresight, developing essential skills of communication and conflict resolution, fostering realistic expectations, cultivating a commitment to working through difficulties together, and internalizing the profound importance of Shalom Bayit (domestic harmony). Equipped with these tools, couples can build lasting, joyful unions rather than relying on divorce as a safety valve.
The True Measure of Greatness
One should not think that because the Kohen bears additional sanctity he is superior to the “ordinary" person. He has a sacred duty to perform, and as a representative of the Jewish people he must adhere to a certain elevated standard.
We should remember the words of the Rambam in Hilchot Talmud Torah 3:1:
“Three crowns were conferred upon Israel: the crown of Torah, the crown of Kehuna (priesthood), and the crown of royalty. Aaron merited the crown of Kehuna, as it is stated, ‘And it shall be for him and for his offspring after him a covenant of eternal priesthood’ (Bamidbar 25:13). David merited the crown of royalty, as it is stated, ‘His offspring shall endure forever; and his throne shall be like the sun before Me’ (Tehillim 89:37). The crown of Torah is set aside, waiting and ready for all, as it is stated, ‘Moshe commanded us the Torah; an inheritance of the congregation of Yaakov’ (Devarim 33:4). Whoever desires may come and take it. Lest you say that those other crowns are greater than the crown of Torah, it says, ‘By me kings reign; and rulers decree justice. By me princes rule…’ (Mishlei 8:15-16).
From this you learn that the crown of Torah is greater than the crown of Kehuna and the crown of royalty."
We do not evaluate a person according to his position, however exalted it may be. The righteous person who engages in Torah study and performs good deeds represents our highest ideal.
May we all merit to be immersed in Torah study in this exalted manner.
Shabbat Shalom.