The Jewish father calls his son a couple of days before Passover and says, "David, I hate to ruin your day, but I must tell you that your mother and I are divorcing - forty-five years of misery is enough."
"What are you talking about?" David screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer. We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister Shirley and let her know."
Frantic, the son calls Shirley, who explodes on the phone. "No way are my loving parents getting divorced!" she shouts.
She calls Dad immediately and screams - - "Dad, you are not getting divorced! Don't do anything until we get there. I'm calling David back and we'll be there tomorrow. Do you hear me?" and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Great," he says, "they're coming home for Passover and paying their own way."
An Opportunity
The Passover Seder is an opportunity that provides us with the energy to access freedom in our personal and collective lives. It consists of an intense fifteen-step program, a blueprint toward psychological, emotional, and spiritual liberation. Below is a brief description of the meditation, consciousness, and inner work reflected during each of the fifteen steps.
Kadesh -- reciting Kiddush, designating the time as sacred:
Designate a space in your psyche that is sacred, pure, innocent, curious, and child-like. Without this step, there is too much static in your life to allow for real listening, introspection, and growth.
Urchatz -- washing the hands:
Remove your hands from any involvement in impurity. Cleanse your life of active lying, cheating, betraying, immoral relationships, destructive addictions, etc. No liberation is possible without this step.
Karpas -- eating a vegetable dipped in saltwater:
The vegetable growing low from the ground, on which we make the blessing, "He created fruit from the ground," symbolizes the body, created from earth (Adamah). The prerequisite for spiritual liberation is recognizing that your body and all its dispositions are a means to an end; they must be submerged in the waters of inspiration and Torah. Do not allow your cravings and appetites to define you; you must define them. Do not allow them to take you hostage, but see them as a means for your journey. They are here to be defined and explained by you.
Yachatz -- breaking the middle matzah:
Humility and vulnerability are the messages of this fourth step. You must have people in your life with whom you are completely open, honest and vulnerable. The false sense of "I am whole," is the greatest obstacle to genuine liberation.
Magid -- reciting the Haggadah:
Tell the story; teach the story. Study, learn, and learn some more. It expands your horizons, challenges your ego, and brings you to a deeper place inside of yourself. Do not let a day pass without some serious learning time.
Rochtzah -- washing the hands:
Wash your hands again. The arrogance that may arise after study is very dangerous. This is the "religious" and "scholarly" pompousness of "I know it all," and I am "holier than thou." Remain humble, real, and authentic.
Motzei -- reciting the blessing HaMotzi, "He extracted bread from the earth":
Extract. Now you are in the position of extracting the opportunities, the "sparks," in everything you have or come in contact with. Judaism does not promote withdrawal from the world or asceticism; rather, it calls on us to use our gifts fully and draw out the meaningful, constructive potential within them.
Matzah -- reciting the blessing on the matzah and eating it:
The Talmud describes Matzah as "bread of poverty." Extract the possibilities in your life, but maintain perspective and balance. Do not live as a self-indulgent person who believes they must maintain a life of constant luxury. Even if you were blessed with wealth, cherish simplicity, refinement, and modesty. If you are not wealthy, do not feel pressured to mimic your neighbors or friends. Do things according to your capacity. Let your dignity shine from within. Don’t try to impress; be comfortable with yourself internally, and people will love you much more this way.
Maror -- eating the bitter herbs:
Empathy. Now you can begin to discover the greatest gift of life: To truly be present for another person-to look them in the eyes and say, "I am here for you," and genuinely mean it and live by it.
Korach -- eating a sandwich of matzah and maror (in ancient times, together with the Passover lamb):
Life is a roller coaster. Pesach teaches us through the matzah and maror and bitter herbs -moments that are rich, flat, and bitter. True liberation comes when we learn to weave all these experiences into a single, unified mosaic. Life is one journey that holds every dimension within it. Like a skilled surfer, we must learn to ride its waves.
Shulchan Orach - setting the table, eating the festive meal:
Cultivate a genuine love for welcoming guests and helping others. When they leave, don’t scrutinize or judge them. Remember: your children will not grow to host others if they sense how much you truly resent having guests.
Tzafun -- eating the hidden afikoman:
At this stage of the Seder, we partake of the hidden Afikoman. So too in life: there are hidden layers within us that may still emerge. Like an onion, as one layer is peeled away, another is revealed. Do not be afraid or discouraged. On the contrary, the very fact that these deeper elements surface now means you have grown enough to face them. Embrace the challenge. This, too, is a reminder of our need for G-d.
Beirach -- reciting grace:
Now you can begin to bless G-d for every moment, encounter and experience in your life.
Hallel -- reciting psalms of praise:
Now, you begin to express praise for every moment. Nothing is taken for granted. Every breath you take and every move you make is an opportunity for praise and thanksgiving.
Nitrtzah - Our service is pleasing to G-d:
But really, does anybody care? In the big picture, are we not smaller than specks of dust? Why the bother?
The answer: Nirtzah. G-d's desire in creating the world is that we cultivate a personal, intimate relationship with Him, transforming ourselves and our surroundings into a dwelling place for the Divine. We may have many questions, but ultimately, this is our purpose. Nirtzah!-embrace it, and learn to love it.
Next Year in Jerusalem!
*) This article is based on the Hagadah of the Chida and on various writings of Mussar and Chasidism. My thanks to my brother Rabbi Simon Jacobson for his "15 steps."