First off, please forgive us if it seems like we’re a bit cranky.
You see, for the past few weeks there have been millions of people trying to explode us all which makes it tough to get a good night’s rest. This is in addition to the hundreds of thousands of folks who have been hoping to stab or shoot us on our way to work for the past century or so.
And no, we aren’t being paranoid. You can look it up on the internet if you want to, but I generally tell anxious people to “Stop Checking News, Start Helping Jews."
Between dodging cluster bombs aimed at our civilian centers, we also try to avoid the politicians and pundits who are inevitably busy telling us that we are the oppressors or that we started yet another war by living in our homes. We really only check the news to know when school might restart for our little guys.
So for our fellow Jews in America, Canada, England, Belgium, Australia, and Iceland: forgive us if it took a while to respond to your messages. It was just busy here in the midst of an existential war. And we are sorry if we couldn’t answer your calls, the bomb shelters at work have bad reception because they’re underground in the parking lot as that’s best for protecting our lives in spite of the lousy 5G reception.
And yet we are not bitter about any of this.
Extra days at home with the family in the bomb shelter gives us time to focus on what’s most important. We’ve played seven-hours games of Monopoly without knocking down the board after landing on Park Place, re-wrote enough songs from The 80’s to make even Weird Al Yankovic jealous, and have had many moments to share our individual hopes and dreams for the future with each other’s undivided attention as multiple nations tried to wipe us out of existence. That’s how you pass the time under feet of reinforced concrete when you’re not sure if you’ll exit alive.
Running back and forth to the bomb shelter dozens of times a day facilitates reaching the daily goal of 10,000 steps. Once we are there, waiting for up to an hour while the building is shaking gives us time and reason to practice daily mindfulness exercises to lower our blood pressure. And having a protected space in our home means that we’ve been able to host more than a few neighbors to discuss improving trash collection services before the upcoming local elections.
So what is our message for folks in The Diaspora? It’s simple: we are good.
In fact we are great. Actually, scratch that. We are better than good and great, we on fire over here.
Israel consistently rates amongst the best countries in the world irrespective of our crummy neighbors. A Gallup Poll on international happiness from exactly a month ago showed Israel at #2 for people under the age of 30. This blows Canada, America, England, and France out of the water in spite of the ongoing wars we are fighting and the associated high taxes. Why? Because we have purpose here. It’s absolutely impossible for a Jew in Israel to ignore the moment-to-moment excitement of walking through our ancestral homeland.
While The Western World faces a mounting crisis due to lack of purpose to the point where fuzzy old videos of Bigfoot continue to garner national attention, Victor Frankel’s “Man’s Search for Meaning" remains ever relevant. It’s no wonder that tens of thousands of Jews continue to make Aliyah to Israel each year after so many generations in Persia, Poland, and Prospect Park.
Is it tough sometimes over here? Sure it’s tough sometimes, we aren’t delusional you know. But it’s definitely better than fleeing Israel via Egypt and paying $10k for a privately chartered plane to Greece before cowering one’s way back to the soulless streets of Los Angeles or even-heaven-forbid-Berlin. That’s the polar opposite of The Jewish Nation’s heroic and ongoing Post-Traumatic Growth!
So what do we want from you? What do your Israelis cousins and coworkers what from their fellow Jews from Boston to Buenos Aires? Well it certainly isn’t pity. Israel is the only country that sends out national rescue flights to every corner of the world in order to shlep its people out of a vacation and back into a war zone! We are thrilled to be here and we don’t need you to be anxious or fretful on our behalf.
Should you pray for us? That would be great but Jews don’t do religious coercion and you are probably too scared to go to your local Chabad Center because of Tucker Carlson, Candace Owens, and everyone who voted for Ilhan Omar. Should you give Tzedekah to an Israeli Charity? That would also be good but we know you’re saving up to go to Cancun or Malta for Passover and don’t want you to miss out on that trip. Should you compulsively forward us AI-generated shorts of various politicians dancing while wearing ridiculous hats? That’s also not necessary and while it’s nice for you to cope using a mature ego defense like humor, we are a far too busy living the good life over here to watch the silly things you received from someone you met at a sushi restaurant.
We choose to be here because we can’t bear to live anywhere else. Israel is our oxygen. It’s kind of like the way you feel about The Super Bowl, Joe Rogan’s Podcast, or some political party that panders for your vote by telling you that they don’t tolerate Anti-Semitism. We have first row tickets to redemption and wouldn’t change it for nuthin’.
So what can you do for us? The truth is that you don’t need to do anything for us because we are doing great and God will continue to protect The Jewish People like he’s done since the days when Abraham our Forefather walked these lands.
Just try to be proud to know us and count us amongst your friends and family.
Jacob L. Freedman, MD, is a psychiatrist and a business consultant based in Jerusalem, Israel. His newest book, Stories and Halachah from The Psychiatrist’s Couch, is available from Adir Press and Dr. Freedman can be most easily reached via his website: drjacoblfreedman.com