But How?
Though most of us are familiar with and understand the importance of loving others, developing these feelings is challenging. When it comes to the mitzvah of Ahavat Yisrael, there is sadly a wide gap between theory and practice. Though we all recognize the mitzvah’s importance, we generally fall very short of the goal.
How can we bring ourselves to love all Jews?
Chazal taught us two ways.
1. Giving
The Gemara mentions the first way in its discussion of the mitzvot to help load and unload the donkeys of other Jews. We generally prioritize assisting with unloading before loading in order to relieve the pack animal. The exception is when we dislike the person loading. In such a situation, we help him first to counter our negative feelings. The Gemara explains that assisting others dispels the hatred we might feel towards them. Helping others awakens and reinforces the compassion Hashem instilled within us. Circumstances may have separated us from others, or even driven a wedge between us; assistance jogs our conscience.
Benjamin Franklin observed this effect over a thousand years later. He noticed that a fellow Pennsylvania state legislator disliked him. None of Franklin's attempts to ingratiate himself succeeded - until Franklin borrowed a manuscript from him. After lending Franklin the manuscript, his colleague suddenly became friendlier toward him. It was the act of kindness of the other legislator, not Franklin, that changed his own heart. Franklin summarized this experience with a principle: “He that has done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged."
In addition to dispelling hate, helping others also fosters love. Rav Eliyahu Dessler proved this from a parent’s love for their children. Mothers and fathers spend decades caring for their children without receiving much in return. Yet, parents feel great love for their children. This is because giving fosters love. Rav Dessler added that one can see this idea in the root of the Hebrew word for love - ahavah. The word revolves around its two middle letters, heh and bet, which spell the word hav (to give) because giving fosters love.
2. Learning and Appreciating
Rav Nachman MiBreslov suggests an additional way to foster love: learning from others. We love what we appreciate, what we feel adds to or improves our lives. The more we learn from others, the more we appreciate them.
Pirkei Avot teaches that the wise man is the one “who learns from all others." The fact that all people were created by Hashem and that all Jews are His children and have a portion in His Torah means that they all have something to teach. The wise man is the one who learns from each of them.
Rav Nachman teaches that Ahavat Yisrael also hinges on this learning process. Learning from and appreciating other Jews inspires love for them as well.
Focusing on the Good
Loving by learning from others hinges upon our ability to see and focus on the good in all people. Rav Nachman explains that this is the meaning of Pirkei Avot’s exhortation to “judge all people favorably." Every person, even the worst sinner, has positive traits. When we choose to define, or “judge," people by these traits, we inspire them and ourselves to live up to this positive image.
To help us accomplish this, Rav Elimelech of Lizensk wrote a prayer that asks Hashem for His help in inspiring us to see the good in other people:
“Save us from the [natural] jealousy people have for each other... In contrast, place in our hearts the ability to see the good in our peers, not what they lack.
And that we should speak to each other in a way that is straight and desired by You… And strengthen our bond with love to You."
Rav Elimelech reminds us that our connection with Hashem hinges upon our relationship with other people and our ability to focus on the good in each of them.
Focusing on the good in others and the world, in general, is also the key to living a good life. Dovid Hamelech teaches this lesson through the well-known verses in Sefer Tehillim that identify a desirable life as one that allows people to “love each day by focusing upon the good." One who sees good in the people around him and the events he experiences will love each day of his life.
The good life is not defined objectively. It hinges upon our view of our lives. Many live lives full of riches and pleasures but are unhappy. Others experience poverty and suffering but are happy because they focus on the good. Such is the desirable life.
May our appreciation for the Godliness of all humanity and our personal relationship with all Jews inspire us to care for and treat each of these groups with the respect and appreciation they deserve.
Rav Reuven Taragin is the Dean of Overseas Students at Yeshivat Hakotel and the Educational Director of World Mizrachi and the RZA.
His new book, Essentials of Judaism, is available at rabbireuventaragin.com