Let’s explore, from a halakhic and Torah perspective, whether lesbianism is a halakhic problem. There are modern efforts to claim that it is not, and today’s LGBTQ culture seems to be infiltrating parts of the observant Jewish world. In fact, a number of Open Orthodox Rabbis, committed to promoting full inclusion of LGBTQ identifying individuals in the Orthodox Jewish community, are claiming that:
1) from a halakhic (Jewish legal) and Torah perspective lesbianism isn’t such a problem especially compared to the explicit prohibition for male homosexual relationships, 2) there is no choice/free will with sexual identity and identity is fixed for life anyway, and 3) pursuing a long-term lesbian relationship can be an equivalent substitute for traditional marriage. Some are even performing those marriages.
Are they correct?
The Torah in parashah Acharei Mot in the Book of Vayikra (Leviticus) says we shouldn’t imitate the practices of the Egyptians. Women having relations with other women is not specifically mentioned. However, because this is expressed immediately preceding the laws of forbidden sexual behavior, our sages conclude that lesbian relations are forbidden.
Specifically, the Sifra (legal commentary on Vayikra) says they are forbidden as do our greatest sages, the Rambam (Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon -Mishneh Torah, Issurei Biya 21: 8), the Tur (Rabbi Yaakov ben Asher) and the Ramban (Rabbi Moshe ben Nachman) as well the code of Jewish Law (Shulchan Arukh, Even HaEzer 20:2). Additionally, all major modern Sephardic and Ashkenazi Rabbinic leaders say that lesbian relations are forbidden. Further, we read this part of Leviticus with the laws of sexual prohibition on the holiest day of the year, at the holiest time of day. (Yom Kippur mincha, Kohen aliya).
That said, the bigger issue from a Torah perspective may be the missed opportunity for a traditional Jewish marriage and family. Rabbi Yitzchak Breitowitz, senior lecturer at Yeshivas Ohr Somayach and Rav of Kehillas Ohr Somayach, notes that the first item to build in establishing a new community, before a synagogue or a school or a cemetery, is a mikveh (ritual immersion pool) to allow for marital relations between husband and wife.
The Lubavitcher Rebbe (Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, zt"l), emphasized that a traditional Jewish marriage and family are the bedrock of personal happiness, Jewish survival, and the creation of a "dwelling place for G-d" in this world. The Rebbe taught that husband and wife are two halves of one soul reunited by G-d in marriage, creating a "third reality" together. From the perspective of the Zohar, the young women involved in these relationships are short-circuiting what Hashem had planned for them and hence dismissing their potential.
Yet, all of that matters little if a person has no choice and if their self-diagnosis is fixed for life. Is there a biological, chemical, DNA or physical test for a person to self-diagnose their sexual orientation? There is not. It follows then, it is a non-measurable trait such as is the case with anger or other temperament issues. There are several possibilities as to the origin: 1) people are born with a blank slate and socialized by role models or proximity to determine sexual identity, 2) the majority of people are born with heterosexual inclinations but some are born with homosexual inclinations, or 3) all people are born with some level of heterosexual inclination, and societal or personal influences can take a percentage of them into a different direction.
None of these are provable, though given the data trend, the latter appears to have increased validity.
Yet, does the origin of a person’s self-diagnosis matter? The question is, if a person wanted to control or alter their self-diagnosed sexual identity, could they? The Rebbe notes that there would not be prohibitions if there were not free will. “It is clear that it is controllable for if it were beyond human control, Hashem would not have made it a sin." (The example he uses in his letter on the topic of homosexuality makes an analogy with kleptomania as obviously not something to be encouraged.) Nevertheless, the Rebbe’s position is contrary to the teaching at most counseling schools and current government policy in Israel.
Is a person’s self-diagnosed sexual orientation fixed for life? Is there evidence of individuals on their own or with counseling returning to a heterosexual orientation? A May 2024 study (National Longitudinal Study of Adult Health by Dr.Paul Sullins) shows that for people in their late 30’s in the US, that 5.9% of the population (1.1 million) have desisted from homosexual behavior and identify as previously gay and are now heterosexual. Former lesbians outnumber active lesbians 5 to 1.
Additionally, a number of therapists, report numerous successes in counseling simply with conversation, but few speak publicly about their successes for fear of backlash from the counseling and LGBTQ community. For an illustrative example, in an article by Yehuda Dov entitled, “Rabbi Benny Lau, I’m glad I Never Met You," a woman tells her story; a successful journey from a lesbian couple’s life to traditional marriage and family. All of this points to the notion that a lesbian orientation is certainly not fixed for life.
So, what are the societal and personal factors that are causing such an increase in this generation? Is it because of a warm welcoming and encouraging LGBTQ community where those “coming out" are applauded for their courage? Is it because of the cultural prevalence of a current form of feminism that is derisive of males? Is it because so many are caught up in self-fulfillment rather than aligning with the Will of our Creator? Is the anxiety and failure of finding a shidduch (a marriage partner) after failed attempts causing young women to cross this halakhically taboo boundary? One can only speculate.
What about long-term lesbian relationships - can’t they be just as fulfilling? For starters the lesbian couple divorce rates in the general population are almost twice as high as for heterosexual couples - 41% compared to 22% (Journal of Marriage and Family). Intimate partner violence rates in lesbian relationships (44%) are significantly higher than heterosexual relationships (Frontiers in Psychology 2024).
What about children - can’t they turn out just fine? Apparently, there are often significant issues. Children of lesbian couples have higher rates of depression, anxiety, alcoholism and poorer academic performance than children from traditional marriages. (Growing up with gay parents, what’s the big deal - Richard Fitzgibbons 2015). We would assume those same concerns are found in the observant Jewish world.
What can be done? We can educate young women up front, early on, in high schools by laying out these challenges and the beauty of a traditional marriage, as some seminaries are doing here in Israel. We can advocate that counseling schools’ and Rabbinic training clearly teach the Torah perspective as the Rebbe described. And most important, for those that are struggling, we need to express compassion that is not dehumanizing but rather empowering; a hug that doesn’t say I feel sorry for you but instead says I believe in you and your potential to lead a traditional life.
Yehezkel Schiff is the President of Jewish Family Forever