This week’s Parasha, Vayishlach, describes the tense encounter between Yaakov and his alienated brother Eisav. Many years had passed since the incident of the “Stolen Berachot,” (blessings) which had aroused Eisav’s intense hatred of Yaakov and his decision to kill him.
The Threat of Eisav and Yaakov’s Fear
To escape this danger, Yaakov had fled to the house of Lavan in Padan-Aram. Much had transpired in the interim. He had acquired two wives, many children, and his livestock and possessions had significantly increased. But, as would happen many times again in Jewish history, the enormous success of Yaakov stimulated the envy of Lavan’s sons. Yaakov sensed the danger, and decided to make a hasty exit and return to his father’s home.
On the way back, he found himself in the cross-hairs of his brother Eisav. He sent emissaries to him, hoping to gain insight into his current attitude. The Torah does not reveal any interaction between the Malachim (messengers) and Eisav. They returned to Yaakov and said, “We came to your brother, Eisav; furthermore, he is going to meet you, and four hundred men are with him” (Bereishit 32:7).
This was an ominous report, which Yaakov took very seriously. After making practical preparations for the dangerous “meeting,” he beseeched Hashem: “Save me, please, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Eisav; for I fear him, lest he come and attack me-the mothers with the children” (Bereishit 32:12). As far as Yaakov was concerned, his life and that of his family were in imminent danger.
However, there is a problem here. In his anger, Eisav had resolved that he would only take action against his brother after his father passed away. Yet, at this point in time, Yitzchak was still alive, so the moment was not ripe for Eisav to implement his plan of revenge. If so, we must ask: What was Yaakov so worried about? Wouldn’t Yaakov feel safe as long as his father was alive?
The Torah’s View on Anger and Revenge
I believe that this story teaches us a great deal about the subject of anger and revenge. The Torah explicitly prohibits the taking of revenge against someone who has wronged us. Not only that, but one may not even bear a grudge against the offender. Rather, he should intelligently confront him and explain what is bothering him. He should give the person an opportunity to present his side of the story. And if he accepts the criticism and apologizes, then the “victim” should forgive him with a full heart.
But this may not be such a simple thing to do.
The Rambam says that it is prohibited to be arrogant and unwilling to forgive. “Even if someone has afflicted and sinned against him greatly-he should not take revenge and bear a grudge. This is the way of the seed of Israel and their straight hearts” (Hilchot Teshuva 2:10).
In fact, the Rambam states that the Givonim (a non-Jewish people who had deceived the Jews into making a treaty with them in the time of Yehoshua) harbored vengeful feelings against the family of King Shaul because they had suffered greatly when he destroyed Nov, the city of Kohanim-priests of the Beit HaMikdash (Holy Temple). King David sought to placate them in every possible way, but they would not be appeased and insisted on harsh revenge.
Because of this event, the Tanach, when describing them, states, “And the Givonim were not from Bnei Yisrael (the Children of Israel)” (II Shmuel 21:2). This is in order to emphasize that their unforgiving nature marked them as Gentiles because the Jewish people are merciful and always ready to overlook offenses and grant forgiveness.
Why Yaakov Still Feared Eisav
We may now understand why Yaakov had good reason to fear Eisav, even though their father Yitzchak was still alive. It is true that Eisav’s original intention had been to slay Yaakov only after the death of their father. That meant that while his desire for revenge was powerful, he would hold it in check due to his concern for their father.
Nevertheless, for how long can a Rasha (wicked person) control his passions? Almost twenty-two years had elapsed since Yaakov had taken the Berachot that Eisav believed he was rightfully entitled to, and he still felt the sting of that blow. He simply could not let go of his hurt. Yaakov believed that you cannot trust someone who has rejected Torah values to stick to his word, especially when major emotions are involved.
We should also remember that Rivka had said that she would wait until the anger of Eisav subsided, and then she would call for Yaakov to return home. But all these years had gone by and there had been no word from Rivka. Apparently, the seething anger of Eisav had not abated. If so, Yaakov had to conclude that his life and that of his family were in great danger, and he needed to plan accordingly.
Avraham and Avimelech: A Model of Compassion
This story contains lessons that are vital for us to grasp and internalize. We have to appreciate the unique characteristics of the Jewish people. In this regard, the story of the encounter between Avraham and Avimelech is very instructive.
Avraham was concerned that because of Sarah’s great beauty, there was a danger that someone might kill him in order to obtain her as a wife. So he and Sarah agreed to pose as siblings. Her unusual attractiveness was reported to King Avimelech, and he took her as a wife. But then, Hashem smote him and his household with a plague and visited him in a dream of the night. Hashem warned him to “return the man’s wife because he is a prophet, and he will pray for you, and you will live; and if you do not return her, know that you will certainly die, you and all that is yours” (Bereishit 20:7).
Avimelech could only be cured if he returned Sarah to Avraham and made amends with him. But apparently even that was not enough. His recuperation could only come about through the prayer of Avraham. However, this seems like an unusual and excessive condition. Normally, when one sins against his fellow, he must correct the wrong and solicit the forgiveness of his victim. There is no requirement that the offended party must pray for him. Yet here, Hashem told Avimelech that no cure would be forthcoming except as a response to the Tefilla (prayer) of Avraham. Why did Hashem establish this requirement?
In my opinion, the purpose of Hashem’s intervention was not merely to secure the release of Sarah and her return to Avraham. It was also designed to teach a vital lesson to Avimelech and the entire world about the virtue of compassion.
A truly wise and compassionate person can put his personal grievances aside and recognize when an offender has genuine regret and engages in authentic Teshuva (repentance). That is why Hashem told Avimelech, “Return the man’s wife because he is a prophet, and he will pray for you, and you will live” (ibid.).
Why is it relevant here that Avraham is a Navi (prophet)? It is necessary because he will be able to discern that your Teshuva is genuine and that you are deserving of Mechilla (forgiveness). And despite the serious emotional and spiritual pain that you caused him, he will be able to relinquish hatred, and even go so far as to pray for your healing and welfare.
Hashem wanted Avimelech to personally experience the full impact of the exalted religiosity of His servant, Avraham. Indeed, nothing is more important for the survival and welfare of mankind than the ability of enemies to resolve their grievances and to genuinely forgive one another.
The Power of Reconciliation
The story of Yaakov’s encounter with his antagonist brother is about the possibility of enemies turning into friends. Yaakov believed that if he put aside all his emotions and humbly demonstrated respect for his elder brother, he could bring about reconciliation.
He carefully arranged his entire camp into distinct groups and spread out the animals that would be presented to Eisav as a gift. Then Yaakov went before them and bowed to the ground seven full times to demonstrate his enormous respect for his brother. This display fully captivated the heart of the elder brother, and “Eisav ran towards him, and he hugged him, and he fell on his shoulders and he kissed him; and they cried. (Bereishit 33:4)”
Rashi cites Rav Shimon bar Yochai who said, “It is a well-known Halakha (principle) that Eisav hates Yaakov, but his mercies were aroused at that time, and he kissed him with all his heart” (Sifrei Bamidbar 9:10). That was a very special moment when anger subsided and mutual understanding prevailed, exactly as Avraham Avinu (our forefather) had demonstrated by endeavoring to pray for Avimelech.
May Hashem grant us the opportunity to witness the day when all humanity will recognize Him and the proper way to serve Him.
Shabbat Shalom.
Questions? Comments?
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