HaRav Shmuel Eliyahu is Chief Rabbi of Tzfat.
Reading about Yaacov’s marriages to Leah and Rachel is an appropriate time to recall some of the duties incumbent upon Jewish husbands.
“One who loves his wife as himself and honors her more than himself…”
To correct a great moral failing that can arise in a marriage, our Sages taught that a man is obligated to honor his wife. As they said: “One who loves his wife as himself and honors her more than himself, who guides his sons and daughters on a straight path, and marries them off near the time of their maturity, about him Scripture says: ‘You shall know that your tent is at peace; you shall inspect your habitation and miss nothing’” (Sanhedrin 76b).
Maimonides likewise rules that this is a halakhic obligation:
“So too, the Sages commanded that a man must honor his wife more than his own self, and love her as his own self. And if he has means, he should increase her welfare according to his wealth” (Rambam, Ishut 15:19; see also Sdei Chemed, Asifat Dinim V, “Chaf”).
Honoring One’s Wife Brings Blessing
Our Sages further taught:
“A man must always be careful regarding the honor of his wife, for blessing is found in a man’s home only because of his wife, as it is said: ‘And for her sake he benefited Abram’” (Bava Metzia 59a).
Therefore Rava said: “Honor your wife, so that you may become wealthy.”
For mutual honor reveals the Image of God between husband and wife, and fulfills the verse: “In every place where I cause My name to be mentioned, I will come to you and bless you.”
Thus the Sages taught:
“What is the meaning of the verse ‘A good man is gracious and lends; he measures his affairs with justice’? A man should always eat and drink less than he can afford; dress according to what he can afford; and honor his wife and children more than he can afford. For they depend on him while he depends on the One who spoke and brought the world into being” (Chullin 84b).
Honoring wife and children draws down abundant blessing upon a man.
Our Sages taught that it is insufficient for a man to give his wife only bread to eat and clothing to wear. Even a poor man in Israel must provide his wife with jewelry, according to his means.
The Shulchan Aruch rules: “Her clothing: he must give her garments appropriate for her in the rainy season and in the dry season, no less than what any respectable woman in that region would wear” (Even HaEzer 73:1).
Furthermore: “He is obligated to give her adornments such as colored garments to wrap her head and forehead, eye paint and rouge.”
All this applies to a poor man in Israel; a wealthy man must provide according to his wealth.
For this reason our Sages were lenient and allowed a woman to go out into the courtyard on Shabbat wearing jewelry (despite the prohibition of carrying, ed), so that she might be pleasing in her husband’s eyes (Shabbat 64b).
Rabbi Akiva permitted a woman to adorn herself even during her days of niddah (ritual impurity) lest she become unattractive to her husband.
Similarly, Ezra the Scribe instituted that peddlers from other towns circulate through the villages of Israel so that jewelry would be readily available for the daughters of Israel (Bava Batra 22a; Rambam, Shechenim 6:9; Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 156).
The Mishnah (Yoma 73b, 78b) allows a king and a bride to wash their faces on Yom Kippur, and permits a woman to adorn herself even during a period of mourning lest she become unattractive to her husband (Ketubot 4a).
“Rabbi Akiva expounded: If a man and woman are meritorious, the Divine Presence (Shechinah) rests between them; if they are not meritorious, fire consumes them.”
Rashi explains there (Sotah 17a) that in the Hebrew word for “man” (ish) there is the letter "yud", and in the Hebrew word for “woman” (ishah) there is the letter “heh”. If they merit, the letter ה - symbolizing God’s Presence - remains with them; but if they do not merit, God removes His Shechinah from between them, and the remaining letters אש (fire) in their names consume them.
May honor grace all of our marriages, and may the Shechinah shine with ever greater brilliance between Am Yisrael and Hashem with the complete ingathering of our exiles and the restoration of the Kingdom of David throughout all of the borders of our Land.