A personal story (I presume) common to many readers of Arutz Sheva
All my close family and friends in America are over 40, secular, liberal American Jews, with whom I have been closely in touch over the 47 years since we made Aliyah. In general, throughout this time, they have been sympathetic to our Jewish State's trials and tribulations, and they have sincerely wanted to see it survive and flourish (in accordance with liberal principles).
When Oct. 7th struck they sincerely understood Israel's need to respond militarily, and in no way identified with the Palestinian Arab cause. With one brother, whose family closeness motivates him to know in detail all of the major events concerning his nephews and nieces in Israel, I did not openly discuss Israel's situation, other than to detail the sacrifices of the people in our community. This is because I know his children have adopted a progressive, critical attitude to Israel's positions and I want to 'let sleeping dogs lie', and not threaten the sweet family intimacy that we share.
My other brother, who is ideologically opposed to Orthodox Judaism, actually pro-actively started reading and learning about Zionism and Israeli history at the war's beginning, and for a long period was quite sympathetic and understanding about Israel's military and diplomatic positions. But he insisted on ending every, every conversation with a plea that we understand Palestinian Arab suffering, and that we make every effort to establish a Palestinian State alongside Israel. I would point out our previous list of our failed concessions with regard to co-existence with the Palestinian Arabs, but my brother could not believe or accept the idea that "justice" for the Palestinian Arabs 'was not around the corner, if Israel would just be a little more forthcoming'. I have had similar conversations with my liberal -Jewish and non-Jewish friends of over sixty years.
But around six months ago, dialoguing with my family and friends about the Gaza war dramatically changed.
The atmosphere of sympathy and understanding, and gentlemanly disagreement described above has evaporated and disappeared. (In this article I will try to explain this dramatic shift in liberal as well as progressive Jews' opinions and feelings). I am very sad to report that my liberal family and friends now find it almost impossible to express sympathy and understanding for Israel's positions with sincerity.
In fact, with varying levels of hostility, my liberal family and friends have begun to express real anger at Israels military campaigns in an absolutely unprecedented manner. My brother, who at the beginning studied and strengthened his Jewish identity, now began to become very hostile, to a point that he really insulted my family and our political (religious, nationalistic, conservative) beliefs. I felt personally attacked and was emotionally upset- like I had never been in 47 years. A close friend, who also lives in Judea and Samaria for the past 42 years, had similar experiences with his liberal American cousins.
It sems something very bad is happening, something very disturbing, which why I am telling this story to Arutz Sheva readers.
When my closest Jewish brethren, people who are so, so dear to me, can no longer express sympathy for all of our people's sacrifices in Israel, (I do not ask for agreement, just sympathy and not hostility) I feel like the earth just collapsed under me.
I thus write this article as if I am addressing a fellow therapeutic, self-support group of American Jews who, like me, dispossessed their previous American liberalism when they made Aliyah and became more religious and nationalistic in Israel. And at the same time have made very possible effort, for many years, to maintain love and brotherhood with the liberal family and friends 'we left behind' in America'. I literally plea for G-d's help in this tearful situation. In the past months, this rupture in our mutual empathy has caused me to feel distraught and 'abandoned'.
A sociological explanation of how and why this current difficult rift has developed between liberal American Jews and large segments of the Israeli population:
Who are the American Jewish liberals over 40 ?
First, it is critical that I distinguish between liberal American Jews over 40, and progressive American Jews under forty.
How can we possibly maintain a sympathetic dialogue with liberal American Jews over 40?
Note: The problem of what to say to younger progressive American Jews needs a separate article. Younger, progressive American Jews, like many of my nieces and nephews, have had their minds poisoned, literally poisoned, by the social cultural Marxist ideology which they have received in academia over the past twenty years, and I am pessimistic about how many of them 'we can still save'.
The difference between older, liberal and younger, progressive American Jews is that liberal Jews want the Jewish state to survive and flourish, just as a liberal Jewish state. Progressive Jews do not really care If the Jewish state survives as a Jewish state, and probably prefer a chaotic, multi national entity 'between the river and the sea' (which they do not admit means the Jews are thrown int0 the sea).
Second, what attributes define the over 40, liberal American Jewish community?
Liberal, over forty, American Jews are third-fourth generation American Jews. Their Jewish ethnic identity is important to most of them, even if they have intermarried. Large percentages belong to Reform, /Conservative synagogues, or some other Jewishly affiliated institution. Zionism and Isreal have, been up till now, a fairly natural, unquestioned part of their life. Their Zionism is the Zionism of Golda Meir and Yitzhak Rabin, of the Six Day, and Yom Kippur War.
They avidly supported Clinton's Oslo Accords, Barak's retreat from Lebanon, Sharon's disengagement, and Obama's Iranian nuclear deal. They want Israel to maintain a liberal, left leaning civil culture. They are enthusiastic about a 'Two State Solution" (not thinking twice about its reality.) They always vote 70 to 80% Democratic. And currently 'dislike' Bibi, almost as much as they fervently hate Trump.
Why then do these 'good' liberal American Jews feel so stressed, and now find it so hard to support, Israel's present war for survival in Gaza?
They are experiencing unprecedented stress for the following reasons.
One, our American liberal brethren are being asked to comprehend and support a type of war that they, and Israel, have never before experienced. Specifically, it is a very prolonged war, with no easy end in sight. It is a war against a guerrilla, urban insurgency which has involved civilian deaths - with real attempts by Israel to minimize them -, real civilian suffering, destruction of buildings, taking of hostages, and an enemy's disregard for the loss of life of the enemy's native population. This is not a war of the armies of two countries meeting on the battlefield.
Two, Israeli and liberal American Jews bring very different social cultural mind sets when emotionally coping with a war involving tremendous destruction,
Specifically when viewing the pictures of destruction and human suffering in Gaza 60 to 70% of Israeli Jews, and 60-70% of liberal American Jew see very different pictures.
To state these differences bluntly, most Israelis see the Gaza pictures of destruction as primarily an act of self defense, a painful human price that unfortunately has to be paid so that a Jewish State can survive and flourish in a Muslim Middle East.
In contrast most liberal Americans see the same Gaza pictures of destruction as a degree of human suffering that can not be justified by the survival needs of a Jewish State.
Three, why do Israeli and liberal American Jews view the destruction in Gaza with such different social cultural mind sets?
Very simply, because the Israeli and liberal American communities have experienced very, very different social histories over the 77 years since the founding of the State.
Specifically, the social cultural norms of most Israelis (including most center-Left Israelis) tend to be more nationalistic, traditional-conservative, family-community oriented. For example, the average Jewish family in Israel has four children, and the intermarriage rate is less than ten percent. These Israeli social cultural norms are probably the result of our history of constant military struggle, ongoing army service, immigration from non-European, traditionally oriented societies (close to 50%) and a very high percentage of religiously observant Jews (around 30 % of the population).
The social cultural norms of most liberal American Jews tend to be more cosmopolitan-universalistic, giving a high priority to social equality, with a greater emphasis on individual autonomy and self-development. Thus, liberal American Jews have a negative birth rate (more non married singles, and families of less than two children, and an intermarriage rate of over 70%. For example, today, non-surprisingly, you can be an officially ordained Reform 'rabbi', while being married to a non-Jewish spouse and possibly not being halakhically Jewish yourself).
These liberal social cultural norms are the result of the liberal American Jewish community remaining a homogenous, European community in origin, and being a population that is highly educated and an economically secure middle class, having a small percentage of observant Jews (5-10%) and being very assimilated into, and accepting of, the American brand of liberal political identification (over 70% consistently vote Democratic Left ).
Given these sharply different social cultural norms, it is not surprising that when Israeli Jews see the pictures of Gaza's destruction, we see a' very justified war of self- defense, and liberal American Jews see a 'war of disproportional human suffering'.
What do I tell myself to help me feel less hurt, and more understanding, of my family's current inability to experience Israel's war in Gaza the way I do?
One , cease fire. I and my brothers have mutually decided not to talk about Israel and the Gaza war until further notice. So far this has really helped. The warm, brotherly relationship of over 70 years has reemerged. I highly recommend this approach. We need each other's brotherhood, much more than we need score debating points. I am pretty sure that after the eventual ceasefire my family will again be able to share ideas gently and carefully on Israel's security situation.
Two, we should try to make every effort to feel and empathize with the pain and stress of liberal Jews with regard to Israel. Remember they are in distress. Their distress is real. For liberal American Jews over 40, Israel is an important part of their Jewish identity (even when they do not want to openly acknowledge this). The Gaza destruction has taken way this key part of their Jewish identity, and this loss hurts. Deep inside they feel 'Israel has betrayed them, betrayed the support they felt for, and gave, when Israel's behavior better accorded with their liberal principles.
Three, remember liberal American Jews live in a very polarized, toxic ,' cancel' social media culture. In such a social environment, you are inherently very vulnerable. You say the wrong statement, and you get shot down. The social media culture does not tolerate 'nuanced, complex' understandings.
So liberal Jews feel more secure not discussing the Gaza war topic in public. But safely playing this social media game comes with price of inner stress and tension that what one feels when you feel compelled to hide your inner self identity. Thus we Israeli Jews should more fully understand and accept the difficult position in which our brethren find themselves in the cruel court of American social opinon
Four, antisemitism is forcefully raising its ugly, dangerous head. And somehow liberal Jews feel that the destruction of the Gaza war is radically empowering previously latent antisemitism. And they justifiably feel very threatened by this growing, engulfing antisemitism.
We Israeli Jews are less directly threated by world wide antisemitism, but is incumbent upon us to recognize and empathize with the very real and actual danger of antisemitism that our liberal American Jewish brethren are now experiencing.
Conclusion: Lets both stop playing the 'betrayal game'
In one sense, both Israeli and American liberal Jews feel betrayed by the other. Liberal American Jews feel 'betrayed' because at this time of unprecedented crisis we are no longer the more liberally comforting Israel of Ben Gurion, Golda Meir and Yitzhak Rabin.
And 60-70 % of Israelis do not understand-'feel betrayed' - byhow so many liberal Jews give priority to Palestinian Arab suffering over Israel's war of survival against the Hamas threat.
This sense of 'betrayal' is similar to that of a parent whose teenage child has gone wayward.
As long as the Gaza war is continuing, we and liberal American Jews must accept the very differing socio-existential situation of the other, try to be empathetic and non-judgmental about the others' perceptions, and intentionally avoid discussing the topic (particularly in an argumentative manner).
And speaking for myself, I pray to G-d to help me see his providential hand in our present crisis, and pray he will convert our current pain, questioning and confusion into the stepping stones of our historical, national redemption.