The Mitzvah of Circumcision: A Parental Responsibility
This week, we read two Parshiot (Torah portions), Tazria and Metzora. The first begins by addressing the subject of childbirth and deals with the ritual status of the birthing mother. The period of impurity for the birth of a girl is twice that for a boy. This could possibly be because, “On the eighth day; the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised” (VaYikra 12:3).
The responsibility to circumcise the child initially rests on the father. If he fails to fulfill this precept, then the Jewish court is obliged to step in and ensure that the child is inducted into the Covenant of Abraham. However, in this day and age of widespread assimilation, it is quite possible that a child of hyper-assimilated parents will remain uncircumcised until he becomes an adult. What happens then?
According to the Torah, one assumes full responsibility for the commandments at the age of twelve for girls and thirteen for boys. Most Jews do not have to deal with the problem of acquiring a circumcision upon reaching adulthood, since their parents secured it for them when they were infants. However, in cases where parents neglected or rejected this responsibility, the grown son must deal with it. Circumcision is a more serious medical procedure when performed on an adult, but with modern techniques it is generally safe and routine.
A question arises: why is the Mitzvah entrusted to the father in the first place? Undoubtedly, performing circumcision on the tender eight-day-old infant makes the procedure easier and spares the child the challenge of undergoing it as an adult. However, does this not also deprive the individual of actively participating in this vital Mitzvah?
In my opinion, the responsibility is placed on the father not only because it makes the circumcision easier to perform and less painful. Furthermore, performing it on the eighth day ensures that the child experiences no trauma or mental scars from the surgery. There is, however, another key factor in arranging for the commandment to be performed this way.
The Sacred Trust of Parenting
One of the most difficult and challenging tasks in life is that of raising children. No one is fully prepared or properly trained for this responsibility. Some people have a natural flair for it and seem to instinctively sense the best way to raise children. However, the overwhelming majority of us simply do not have a clue.
We seek the assistance of parents or the so-called “child-experts,” but are often exasperated by our seeming inability to successfully parent. The most we can do is try to acknowledge our frequent mistakes and seek to correct them.
I always reassure people by telling them that Hashem knew we would make lots of mistakes, and He factored that into the equation. Thank G-d, the child is endowed with the ability to survive the parenting of his parents and turn out to be quite successful in spite of them.
Brit Milah: A Lesson in Divine Ownership
The Mitzvah of Milah (circumcision) is of great relevance to the challenge of parenting. It is no easy thing for a parent to subject their son to this painful procedure. Mommy and Daddy want to shower love on the baby and protect him from anything that hurts. But they are overruled by Hashem, who commands the father to take the child and inaugurate him into Brito Shel Avraham Avinu (the Covenant of Avraham our Forefather).
The poignant lesson this conveys is that the child does not “belong” to the parents but rather to his True Creator, HaKadosh Baruch Hu (The Holy One Blessed Is He). The parents must view themselves as messengers of Hashem, delegated to raise His child.
This means, first and foremost, that they should not view their offspring as expressions of their narcissistic longings, through whom they will gratify their own hidden ambitions. Their task is to withdraw from those unhealthy emotions and focus on facilitating the absolute best interests of the child.
Raising Children for Wisdom, Not Pleasure
Brit Milah (the Covenant of Circumcision) contains many lessons about the meaning of life that are especially helpful to parents. It is directly contrary to the idea that sensual pleasure is the entire purpose of human existence.
Judaism does not advocate repressing one’s nature, but teaches that the instinctual part of man must be subordinate to his spiritual makeup. It further teaches that the essence of man is not his body but his Tzelem Elokim (Divine Soul), which must be developed and cultivated.
There are many things a person needs to learn to become an effective parent, but a few simple and basic propositions can be a game changer. Let us, therefore, remember that our children belong to Hashem, not to us, and their purpose is not to serve as an instrument of our gratification.
We must also be aware that good parents are not those who give their children all the material goods they desire, but rather those who convey good values. Such parents seek to guide their children in a manner that enables them to gain control over their emotions so that they can be free to live a life of wisdom.
Their overarching principle must be that they regard the child as someone who was “created in the Image of G-d” for the purpose of recognizing Hashem and drawing close to His service. To fulfill our mission of properly raising G-d’s children, we must first and foremost get our own house in order.
Self-Improvement as the Path to Better Parenting
My advice to people is that if you want to be a better parent, you must first become a better person. Perhaps the Torah instituted the period of impurity after birth to allow the parents to engage in introspection and self-evaluation.
They should examine their own flaws and the values by which they live. Indeed, it is a time of Teshuva (repentance), and beneficial spiritual activities should be incorporated into one’s lifestyle. As we become better, calmer, more intelligent, and sensitive people, we automatically become better, more honest, and compassionate parents.
May Hashem help us in this noble endeavor.
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