Rachel Goldberg-Polin, the mother of Hersh, sat down with Arutz Sheva – Israel National News for a special interview during the festival of Sukkot after her son’s abduction and brutal murder by Hamas terrorists in Gaza.
“We don't talk about Hersh and say, ‘Of blessed memory,’ we just talk about him. He’s Hersh," Rachel says, "Just last night John and I were saying ‘it's actually ridiculous.’ This is actually insane. It makes no sense. It's still not digestible to us. I think part of it is because we had these 330 days, really hoping, working, praying, and trying.
"I think we still really believe", she adds, "Something that's interesting is that I have not lost faith in Hashem, in God, in anything from that realm. I've lost faith in people and that's something that we'll work on. I think that that's normal. Jon and I were saying you know we have a lot of trust issues now, but I think that that's pretty reasonable considering what we are going through and what we've been through.
"It's such an unbelievable journey that we and Hersh have been on for this past year", Rachel shares, " What's been especially very difficult, in addition to the obvious of Hersh being killed is that more and more information just keeps trickling out, also about Sinwar, but mainly about the conditions that these beautiful six hostages were kept in for the last part of the last few months. Things just continue to trickle out, so it's blow after blow after blow for us as parents.
“It's just hard to digest and I think that from a psychological point of view, there's a lot that's going to need to be unpacked and we're very aware of that. Meaning we're aware that there's a lot that we have to do. We don't know. There's no rule book, there's no guidebook and everybody walks through pain and grief and loss differently, and right now I think we're very much trapped in ‘let's get through these next few minutes or this next hour," admits Goldberg-Polin.
Jon and Rachel are still focused on helping the other hostages – they have the number 381 taped on their shirts because they’re still counting with other families. They are still calling out, still making demands, “because the moment that I put masking tape on, back in October [2023], I said we're going to have this on until the last hostage comes home. People were asking even at the funeral, ‘Why are you wearing the tape’ and I thought ‘Well, because we still have 101 people there.’ We feel very strongly that we still have this crisis happening at this very moment and given how severe we saw the conditions were for our six, we are terrified for what is happening to those remaining 101,” says Goldberg-Polin.
On the changing conditions regarding the hostages following the elimination of Sinwar, Goldberg-Polin says: “I'm not a military tactician. I'm not a geopolitical expert. I would like to believe that there's an opportunity here. I think that everyone in the region at least has said that Sinwar was a huge obstacle to progress. Now we'll see if that is actually accurate because now we don't have him, so maybe there is a real opportunity. I certainly pray for that.”
Goldberg-Polin adds that “people are insinuating that these six hostages were Sinwar’s human shield, but I don't know for sure. It certainly seems that they were in very close proximity and I think the irony is that they were so mistreated for the last few months of their lives, that in the end, he couldn't use them as human shields, because they were so malnourished and they were so not well, that when he had to run, he couldn't take them with him. Obviously, as a mother, as a human being, it's just really painful to think about.”
Goldberg-Polin speaks about the funeral and the Shiva [days of mourning], the great embrace of thousands, and a connection between her family and the people of Israel and people around the world. On the choice between continuing this connection or just ending this whole saga and going home, she says: “We have been so grateful and so appreciative that people all over the world, all over the country, and certainly the Jewish World has really held us up during this darkest of chapters, but it's hard to know what we're doing this evening, let alone what does the future hold.”
We ask Rachel about her personal feelings as we are marking the Jewish festivals of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and Simchat Torah. “The period between Rosh Hashanah and Aseret Yemei Tshuva [the Ten Days of Repentance] and Yom Kippur was very intense for us", she says, "And then normally we have this elated feeling after Yom Kippur, ‘Zman Simchatenu’ – a period of national happiness – but we don't have that this year. We have we've been calling it ‘Moadim Lenechama’ [a period of consolation].
"We are apprehensive going into the final part of the holidays", Rachel explains, "It's very scary. It's going to be the first yartzheit [anniversary of the death] for over 1200 people, who were savagely killed. You know, no one died in their sleep in the attacks. They were brutally murdered, and we think about those people. It was the day that Hersh was stolen, but it was not Hersh’s yartzheit. But we think of Aner Shapira of course, who was responsible for saving lives in the migunit [public bomb shelter], including Hersh’s life. We think of the juxtaposition of how can you celebrate and mark that the Torah is our blueprint for life, but this date also was extremely excruciating for so many of our people and we need to be sensitive to that, I think. I also understand that there are people saying that at times like this we must move forward, Am Yisrael Chai, we're going to go bananas. I think people have to do what they think is right,” adds Goldberg-Polin.
“We just read in Kohelet [Ecclesiastes], there's a time to mourn, to weep, and there's a time for joy", Rachel quotes and says, "On that day I think we have to be sensitive. There are 1200 families, and by extension, thousands and thousands of families, who will be suffering on that date. So, I think that doing the part of the holiday that is required by Torah law, yes we should pray for rain and yes we should say the parts of davening that we normally say, but dancing wildly and ecstatically, I don't know. I think that the people who performed the atrocities on that date will actually be celebrating the first anniversary of doing that as well. We have to keep in mind that there will be people also dancing and celebrating that day for very different reasons. That's something we really need to think about; what if that was my husband, my daughter, my grandfather, my grandson, my spouse, my sister, my brother, who was butchered would I want my neighbors joyfully regaling? I think that maybe this first time there's room to be sensitive and going forward maybe something else. But I know a lot of communities are doing very creative solutions and just even having those conversations [is important]. Maybe dedicating a hakafa [circle of dancing on Simchat Torah] or a silent hakafa or some people are sitting on the floor for a hakafa. I've heard all these different very creative ways.”
Looking forward, Rachel Goldberg-Polin says that every day there are both moments of pain as well as times of good memories and even smiles. "There definitely is smiling and laughter", she explains, "Hersh was a person of light and love and laughter and very easy-going. So I have a lot of those types of very easy memories and I can hear him in my mind saying different things. Then there are moments where you're swelled with pain and yearning and missing him and loving him and trying to figure out what life looks like now without him. We just take it as it rolls, so sometimes it's going from laughing to crying and sometimes it's going from crying to laughing. Sometimes it's hours and hours of just being frozen and we'll do what we need to do. I mean there's no other option. Winston Churchill said, ‘When you're going through hell, keep walking.’”
