It was the day before Israel’s Memorial Day in May 2024. The soldiers of an elite IDF unit were gathered at the military section of the Har Herzl cemetery around the grave of a recent casualty of the Gaza war. Their weary eyes were transfixed on their handsome tall broad-shouldered muscular commander. He spoke in a steady firm voice describing step by step the fierce battle where the soldier they had just buried was killed. The commander commented on his soldiers' fighting spirit, heroism, and high morale.
Startlingly at one moment, the expression of the soldiers’ faces turned ashen as the commander detailed a sensitive momentous turning point. I stepped back so as not to encroach on this intimate and seemingly painful account. I inferred that the buried soldier was the casualty of friendly fire, killed by one of his comrades who assumed he was a Hamas terrorist.
Was one of the gathered soldiers responsible for this tragic death?
This moment evokes Maimonides’ statement in the Laws of Repentance (Chapter 2, Law 11):
One who sins to his fellow, and his fellow dies before he begs his forgiveness, brings ten people, stands them up by his fellow’s grave, and says before them, ‘I have sinned to G-d, the L-rd of Israel and did to him such and such…’
There were no sinners in this holy gathering. Only righteous, courageous, and loyal heroes. This heart-rending minute morphed into what Western philosophers describe as a ‘decisive moment' (Augenblick). While that minute was fleeting it was momentously eventful and life-altering. The reliving of this horrific moment in this most solemn setting certainly carved a permanent emotional imprint on all present, myself included.
No words. Just tears. Inspiring faith and resilience.
I returned to this hallowed cemetery last week. My relative Captain Daniel Maimon Toaff HY”D (23) served as a Deputy Company Commander in the Shaked Battalion of the Givati Brigade and was killed together with two combat soldiers and a female paramedic soldier. While inside a building during operations in Rafah an IED was detonated resulting in the partial collapse of the building and the death of the four soldiers.
Daniel was the great-grandson of the late Elio Toaff, the chief rabbi of Rome for half a century. Rabbi Toaff, who in 1986, welcomed Pope John Paul II into the temple, was widely regarded as one of the most significant Jewish leaders in Europe. Rabbi Toaff was known for his efforts to reconcile the Jewish people and the Church. Several heart-wrenching eulogies described Daniel’s sterling character and his dedication to faith, family, friends, and his country.
One of Daniel’s brothers kept on screaming” I love you! “I love you!”
When Daniel’s father began his eulogy, he asked permission to recite the well-known piyut (liturgical poem) for Rosh Hashana, “At the Time of the Gates of Mercy” also known as the “Binder and the Bound, and the Altar” in the traditional Sephardi melody. This piyut describes the trial of the Binding of Isaac where Isaac is ultimately saved, and Abraham sacrifices a ram instead of his son. The penultimate stanza states:
“The Master of Heaven said to Abraham:
‘Do not raise your hand to a third of the lights*,
Return in peace, Oh camps of angels,
This day is a merit for the children of Jerusalem,
On this day, I open the gates of mercy ‘
The binder, and the bound and the altar.”
At that moment Daniel’s father turned to the gathered mourners and cried:
“But my son Daniel did not return.”
No words. Just tears. Inspiring faith and resilience.
A repeating theme for all who eulogized Daniel was a call for love, unity, and harmony in the painfully polarized Israeli society. The multitude at his funeral represented every segment of Israeli society. United by this tragic death but resilient and optimistic nevertheless.
This sense of unity and love was ephemeral.
On the way home deeply saddened but encouraged by the strength and unity emerging from this tragic loss, I encountered a vastly different, antithetical form of “friendly fire”.
This “friendly fire” entails identifying a person correctly with the false assumption that he or she represents a mortal adversary.
As I passed the residence of Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu I ran into a raucous group of demonstrators shrieking into megaphones:
“Shoter Al Mi Ata Shomer?” (Policeman, whom are you guarding?) intimating that the Prime Minister should not have Police protection, a call inciting violence.
Although it is a very small percentage of the population that demonstrates so raucously, the next morning an Israeli citizen was indicted of collaborating with Iran in an attempt to assassinate the Prime Minister.
Just tears.
The popular song “Friendly Fire” by Linkin Park describes how conflicts, private or public, often lead us to harm those we are meant to protect and love. The song questions the reasons behind these conflicts and the value of such fights.
We are pulling apart for no reason
We are pulling a trigger in a useless war
And if we come back and go into the black
What are we fighting for?
What are we fighting?
It is just friendly fire
Fire!
In the Mishna in Yuma Rabbi Elazar be Azariah quotes the verse: “Before Hashem you will be purified” as a source for requiring appeasing one’s friend before Yom Kippur. How is this requirement different than the general all-year obligation of seeking pardon from a friend one has pained? (Mishna of Baba Kama)
Rabbi Joseph Dov Soloveitchik explained that in addition to asking a friend for forgiveness, there is an added obligation before Yom Kippur to appease one’s friend with consoling words. An individual can achieve atonement only by being in harmony with the community. The atonement of Yom Kippur is the collective atonement of Knesset Israel.
Zalman C Bernstein, the legendary Wall Street guru who founded one of the most successful and respected investment companies in the world launched a public relations campaign in the late 1990’s. The goal was to bring harmony and peace to Israeli society. The campaign was coined “Tzav Pius” (Order for Conciliation).
Yom Kippur is our wake-up call.
It is our “Tzav Pius.”
Itzhak David Goldberg MD, FACR is Director and Chairman Emeritus Angion Biomedica Corp and Professor Emeritus Albert Einstein College of Medicine
* "a third of the lights" refers to Isaac, one of the three Patriarchs who lit our way.