A Purim proposal for governing Israel
A Purim proposal for governing Israel

Jews complain constrantly about the ineptitude of Israeli governments, and will continue to do so no matter which party gets to form the coalition.  Hence the present writer, having made an exhaustive study of Israel and its Jewish politicians, hereby offers the only possible solution to Israel’s decrepit and perilous state of affairs. 

I propose that the people of Israel hire Gentiles to run their Government!

Preposterous you say?  But what can be more preposterous than the Jews who have been in charge of Israel’s Government? Would Gentiles have surrendered the Sinai with its Israeli-developed Alma oil fields, air bases, and 15 billion dollar infrastructure for what Anwar Sadat scornfully called a “piece of paper”?  Of course not!

Would Gentiles consider relinquishing their country’s heartland and holy places in Judea and Samaria to Arab terrorists who teach their children to exalt suicide bombers?  Ridiculous!

Would any Gentile Prime Minister destroy flourishing Jewish communities in Gush Katif and give their farms and orchards to Hamas – for nothing?  Are you insane?

Would any Gentile Prime Minister have offered the Golan Heights and its water reserves to a military despotism like Syria, the haven of ten terrorist groups?  Absurd!

Would Gentile Prime Ministers arm tens of thousands of Arab terrorists to protect the citizens of their country?  Nonsense!

Would any Gentile Prime Minister release 400 Arab terrorists in exchange for the corpses of three Jewish soldiers plus one Israeli known to have collaborated with Hezbollah?  And 1000 of them for a single soldier instead of acting resolutely to free him? Madness!

Gentiles are not fools.  Some may preach “love your enemy,” “turn the other cheek,” “resist not evil.”  But only foolish Jewish prime ministers practice these apolitical and suicidal precepts. 

Actually, my proposal to hire Gentiles to run Israel’s Government is not original.  It was suggested to me by a learned rabbi, a successful businessman who lived in Israel many years.  He assured me that if Gentiles were hired to operate the Government of Israel, the country could relax and prosper beyond the fondest dreams of old-time Zionists.  Let me explain.

With a Gentile Government in Jerusalem, anti-Semitism will cease and, with it, the raisond’etre of the United Nations (good riddance!).  With Gentiles in charge of the country, CNN and BBC will stop bashing Israel, Thomas Friedman of the New York Times will be out of a job, and Ha’aretz will go bankrupt. BDS and all the anti-Zionist NGOs will close up shop.

Further, with Gentiles running Israel’s Government, all foreign embassies will move from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.  The Arab ambition to annihilate Israel will be a thing of the past.  A genuine Middle East peace process will be concluded. Barack Obama will volunteer to mow the grass on the White House lawn. Hillary will study flower arrangements. 

Meanwhile, with Gentiles like Steve Forbes and Bill Gates (dare I say Donald Trump?) in charge of the Government, capital investment in Israel by Jews and non-Jews alike will abound.  A flat tax will be introduced and Jews will flock to the Land of Milk and Honey.  In ten years the Galut will cease to exist, and Jews will fill the country.

As a consequence, while many Arab citizens of Israel will emigrate, many will convert to Judaism (insisting, of course, on Halakhic conversion for their children's sakes.) The same can be said of the Palestinerian Arabs, for with a Gentile Government in Jerusalem, Jewish towns and villages in Judea and Samaria will expand enormously, and Gaza will be dotted with Jewish spas and cassinos.

 Moreover, the conflict between secular and religious Jews will subside.  After all, that conflict is very much a struggle for control of the Government.  But with Gentiles at the helm, secular and religious Jews will have much less to fight about, especially after left-wing Knesset Members emirate to Brooklyn.  Finally, given the birthrate of religious Jews, Israel will soon become a truly Jewish state efficiently run by Gentiles.

There is one potential flaw in this entire proposal.  Suppose Gentiles in charge of the Government decide to become Jews!  That would be a tragedy of the first magnitude.  Hence, the Gentiles hired to operate Israel’s Government must first sign a solemn contract stipulating they will not convert to Judaism.  Heaven forbid that Jews should resume control of the Jewish state!