The Plight of the Refugees' Trek to Freedom
The Plight of the Refugees' Trek to Freedom

Released from Keleti Station, Budapest

Comrades, it is time to reveal the heroic struggle we have been undertaking for the refugees banned and tormented and kept from reaching European shores.

It became clear a while ago that no European country was prepared to admit our "cargo" and allow us to seek opportunity in the EU, preferring that we be condemned to suffering and hardship.

The refugees and migrants in question are our cases of AHAVA cosmetics, which are banned from the EU because they are extracted from a part of the Dead Sea that technically lies outside the pre-1967 Green Line and so is deemed to be in "Palestinian Arab" territory.

Our migrants are bottles, they are stigmatized and branded with a racist mark that claims they are the products of "occupation." Unlike al-Qaeda and ISIS migrants from Syria, who love democracy and human rights and each other.

It all began a month ago with a perilous midnight boat journey from a port somewhere in the Eastern Mediterranean, in an over-crowded dinghy. Through shark-infested waters we rowed and sailed, hoping our cosmetic refugees might reach safety. Passing coast guard ships from Turkey failed to identify us or stop us.

Eventually we reached the shores of one of the Greek islands, Lesbos, and sneaked ashore in the early hours before dawn. It took considerable ingenuity and more than a bit of bribery before we found a Greek lorry driver willing to help us smuggle our cosmetic migrants across the borders into Macedonia. The Macedonians frankly did not know what to make of us and did not care very much just as long as we left Macedonia as quickly as possible.

In exchange for a few bottles of AHAVA cosmetics, we found some peasant women who agreed to help us transport our refugee cargo across into Serbia. Eventually we reached the tents set up at the Serbian international border with Hungary. The Hungarian police were too busy trying to control the crowds of Syrian and Afghan "migrants." When they were distracted, away we crept, crossing into Hungary with almost no one taking any notice.

Days later and after numerous adventures, we finally reached the Keleti (East) Station inside Budapest, from which all the trains were departing for Austria and Germany. And so now here we wait. We beg the world to take pity on our bottles of cosmetics and allow them to be placed on one of the few trains that are being permitted to cross the border.

A special plea has been sent to Angela Merkel with the offer of providing her with a lifetime of free facial cream in exchange for refuge.

We will keep you informed!