Peace-Loving, But Not Pacifist
The Torah portion of the week takes it for granted that war is sometimes a regrettable necessity. Judaism is peace-loving, but not pacifist. When nothing else works, one has to fight.
Unfortunately, war requires the use of force. In the Talmudic phrase, kol d'alim g'var - "whoever is more powerful prevails." People are going to be hurt. That's what war is. Don't ever let anyone tell you that war is noble and cleansing. When lives and limbs are shattered, it is an unmitigated tragedy. When weapons are unleashed they are no longer our servants, but our masters.
The ideal is, of course, to change weapons of war into instruments of peace, to turn warriors into statesmen, to bind up the wounds of the enemy as well as one's own, to see the other side's point of view even without endorsing it, to say that everyone has a right to sit quietly under their vine and fig tree with none to make them afraid.
A homely saying of a former colleague of mine sums it all up. When people asked, "Aren't you and I related?" he used to say, "My grandmother and your grandmother dried their washing under the same sun." Let me adapt his saying and apply it to the dream of peace: "My grandchildren and your grandchildren ought to be able to run and play in the same sunshine."
Don't Give Up on Your Children
The sidra gives us the law of the ben sorer umoreh, the stubborn and rebellious (or "wayward and defiant") son. It is frightening to read that a son who is a total rebel and pays no heed to his parents or society is to be put to death (Deuteronomy 21:18-21). The sages, however, found no record of this law ever being carried out (though Josephus states that Herod used it as a pretext for killing his sons) and they said it was in the Torah purely for academic purposes.
Why, then, is the law in the Torah? The Talmud says d'rosh v'kabbel sachar, "Expound it and receive a reward." (Sanhedrin 71a)
One possibility is that though youthful rebels are not going to be executed, it is good that they should be warned not to go too far in their unruly wildness. Does this mean that it is the younger generation whom the Talmud has in mind when it says, "Expound it and receive a reward"? That is a possibility, but how much notice are wayward and defiant youths likely to take of what the rabbis say?
It may therefore be more practical to apply the rabbinic dictum more widely and say it is addressed to the adults. To parents, certainly, for whom it may be saying, "Don't give up on your children." Probably to everyone else too: as a warning not to summarily overturn or abandon traditions just because they are old and entrenched.