Yesterday, the State of Israel was destroyed in an Iranian nuclear attack. Tel Aviv was destroyed and so were several industrial centers. Lethal radiation began spreading over the whole country. The prime minister, speaking from his Jerusalem office, immediately expressed relief that Jerusalem was not hit and that his wife was not in Tel Aviv, owing to a shopping spree in Paris. He did however promise to fire someone in the Defense Ministry in order to shore up the right flank of his coalition.
Then, the Iranians nuked Jerusalem. The bomb hit off center, so as not to destroy the Al-Aksa mosque. In any case, the Iranians immediately announced that all Muslims killed by the bomb in Jerusalem are "holy martyrs to the cause." Meanwhile, anti-Semites the world over immediately saw their opening and proclaimed that it was the time to "finish what Iran started," now that the Jews are weak and wounded. Anti-Semitic attacks immediately surged all over the world, including Paris.
And then I woke up.
Or did I?
The United Nations has reported (this is no joke) finding traces of polonium 210 in Iran. Polonium 210 is a synthetic isotope with a half-life of only 140 days, meaning that it only lasts a short time and must be quickly replenished. It doesn't just fall off a truck and it is not very likely it was smuggled in from outside Iran, as it is highly perishable and needs to be made on demand, domestically. You can't store it for long. Thus, the polonium 210 was made recently within Iran.
Polonium 210 has only two uses: to power deep space probes, of which Iran has none and is seeking none; and the other use is to make triggers for atomic bombs. And since it perishes so rapidly, there is no point in making the trigger unless you have the atom bomb to put it in already. And use it quickly.
The possibility of waiting is over. Iran is about to get the bomb and use it quickly; military action must be taken now. The world doesn't care, Ehud Olmert will do exactly nothing except talk, make empty threats and apologize for nothing.
I have proposed a simple plan to defeat Iran right away, using the much less destructive neutron bomb (and whose radiation dissipates in only a week) to wipe out Iranian and Syrian conventional forces, so that a subsequent Israeli invasion will be a cakewalk, followed by seizure of Iranian nuclear sites. It is the only plan that would get them all. But why think about this when there are so many parties to attend in Eilat and Tel Aviv? As Olmert promised in his campaign, we want Israel to be fun.
Those who find my proposal unpleasant really need to think about the alternative. The alternative is much worse. If Israel does not use the neutron bomb, then there will be only one other way to really stop Iran; preemptively drop the hydrogen bomb on Tehran and some other major Iranian cities, plus Neyshabour, where a huge underground uranium enrichment facility is being built. It's either the neutron bomb or the hydrogen bomb. Take your pick.
I offered the gentler solution. Midrash Rabbah on Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 7 says, "He who is merciful to the cruel is destined to be cruel to the merciful." If Israel is so merciful that it can't use the neutron bomb, it will wind up being less merciful, because it will have no choice left except to drop the hydrogen bomb on Tehran. Rest assured that if the hydrogen bomb is dropped on Tehran, then the entire country will collapse, its nuclear program along with it.
Have you ever seen film footage of a hydrogen bomb going off? It looks like a huge dome of fire, a giant sunny-side-up egg wildly shaking and sizzling. The crack of doom. The hydrogen bomb creates searing heat even forty miles away. It fries an entire region eighty miles across. If an atom bomb destroys a whole city (and the neutron bomb much less), then a hydrogen bomb destroys a whole state, prefecture, region. Everyone who thinks he is being "merciful" by shying away from the neutron bomb is, in fact, bringing Iran to the brink of doomsday.
Greater Tehran is a metropolitan region about 80 miles across with 12 million people. Most of them will be dead. More than half the country's industry is based there, including automobiles, electronics and electrical equipment, military weaponry, textiles, sugar, cement and chemical products. It is also a leading center for the sale of Persian carpets and furniture. And there is an oil refinery nearby. Major gas and oil pipelines run through the city. Tehran also has two airports and a stock exchange. The nation's coordinating government ministries and headquarters are in Tehran; 30% of Iran's public sector workforce is in Tehran and 45% of the country's large industrial firms. Make no mistake. You can really do a job on Iran with one hydrogen bomb on Tehran.
Moreover, north of Tehran is the Alborz mountain range. If a hydrogen bomb is dropped on Tehran, the Alborz mountains to the north of the city will lock in and reverberate southward much of the fire and radiation. Like smog trapped in a cul-de-sac, this will make the effects on the population much more severe.
Additionally, the whole country is highly centralized in terms of transportation, with Tehran at the center. Tehran has an immense network of highways unparalleled in western Asia. It is also the hub of the country's railway network. Wipe out that transportation hub and the whole country falls apart. Raw materials, finished goods and especially food will be impossible to ship for much of the country. There will be absolute chaos and famine and the whole nation of 70 million people will starve to death.
Machiavelli wrote in The Prince, Chapter 3, "The injury we do to a man must be such that we need not fear his vengeance." A hydrogen bomb on Tehran would pretty much just about do the trick. One hydrogen bomb on Tehran and the whole country will collapse.
Don't get me wrong. If the hydrogen bomb gets dropped on Iran, they deserve it. I'll be happy. Israel will have been saved. Iran is a murderous, warmongering, anti-Semitic lunatic asylum and they had it coming. But the blame will fall on all those who were too squeamish to use the neutron bomb. If Israel waits and delays, the planning that must attend my neutron bomb-plus-invasion will come too late, and then the only option left to Israel on short notice really will be to drop the hydrogen bomb on Tehran.
So, enough of the partying, fun and sun. Take off your snorkel, get your head out of the sea, check out of your luxury hotel on the beach in Eilat and make the choice. It's either the neutron bomb or the hydrogen bomb.
Then, the Iranians nuked Jerusalem. The bomb hit off center, so as not to destroy the Al-Aksa mosque. In any case, the Iranians immediately announced that all Muslims killed by the bomb in Jerusalem are "holy martyrs to the cause." Meanwhile, anti-Semites the world over immediately saw their opening and proclaimed that it was the time to "finish what Iran started," now that the Jews are weak and wounded. Anti-Semitic attacks immediately surged all over the world, including Paris.
And then I woke up.
Or did I?
The United Nations has reported (this is no joke) finding traces of polonium 210 in Iran. Polonium 210 is a synthetic isotope with a half-life of only 140 days, meaning that it only lasts a short time and must be quickly replenished. It doesn't just fall off a truck and it is not very likely it was smuggled in from outside Iran, as it is highly perishable and needs to be made on demand, domestically. You can't store it for long. Thus, the polonium 210 was made recently within Iran.
Polonium 210 has only two uses: to power deep space probes, of which Iran has none and is seeking none; and the other use is to make triggers for atomic bombs. And since it perishes so rapidly, there is no point in making the trigger unless you have the atom bomb to put it in already. And use it quickly.
The possibility of waiting is over. Iran is about to get the bomb and use it quickly; military action must be taken now. The world doesn't care, Ehud Olmert will do exactly nothing except talk, make empty threats and apologize for nothing.
I have proposed a simple plan to defeat Iran right away, using the much less destructive neutron bomb (and whose radiation dissipates in only a week) to wipe out Iranian and Syrian conventional forces, so that a subsequent Israeli invasion will be a cakewalk, followed by seizure of Iranian nuclear sites. It is the only plan that would get them all. But why think about this when there are so many parties to attend in Eilat and Tel Aviv? As Olmert promised in his campaign, we want Israel to be fun.
Those who find my proposal unpleasant really need to think about the alternative. The alternative is much worse. If Israel does not use the neutron bomb, then there will be only one other way to really stop Iran; preemptively drop the hydrogen bomb on Tehran and some other major Iranian cities, plus Neyshabour, where a huge underground uranium enrichment facility is being built. It's either the neutron bomb or the hydrogen bomb. Take your pick.
I offered the gentler solution. Midrash Rabbah on Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 7 says, "He who is merciful to the cruel is destined to be cruel to the merciful." If Israel is so merciful that it can't use the neutron bomb, it will wind up being less merciful, because it will have no choice left except to drop the hydrogen bomb on Tehran. Rest assured that if the hydrogen bomb is dropped on Tehran, then the entire country will collapse, its nuclear program along with it.
Have you ever seen film footage of a hydrogen bomb going off? It looks like a huge dome of fire, a giant sunny-side-up egg wildly shaking and sizzling. The crack of doom. The hydrogen bomb creates searing heat even forty miles away. It fries an entire region eighty miles across. If an atom bomb destroys a whole city (and the neutron bomb much less), then a hydrogen bomb destroys a whole state, prefecture, region. Everyone who thinks he is being "merciful" by shying away from the neutron bomb is, in fact, bringing Iran to the brink of doomsday.
Greater Tehran is a metropolitan region about 80 miles across with 12 million people. Most of them will be dead. More than half the country's industry is based there, including automobiles, electronics and electrical equipment, military weaponry, textiles, sugar, cement and chemical products. It is also a leading center for the sale of Persian carpets and furniture. And there is an oil refinery nearby. Major gas and oil pipelines run through the city. Tehran also has two airports and a stock exchange. The nation's coordinating government ministries and headquarters are in Tehran; 30% of Iran's public sector workforce is in Tehran and 45% of the country's large industrial firms. Make no mistake. You can really do a job on Iran with one hydrogen bomb on Tehran.
Moreover, north of Tehran is the Alborz mountain range. If a hydrogen bomb is dropped on Tehran, the Alborz mountains to the north of the city will lock in and reverberate southward much of the fire and radiation. Like smog trapped in a cul-de-sac, this will make the effects on the population much more severe.
Additionally, the whole country is highly centralized in terms of transportation, with Tehran at the center. Tehran has an immense network of highways unparalleled in western Asia. It is also the hub of the country's railway network. Wipe out that transportation hub and the whole country falls apart. Raw materials, finished goods and especially food will be impossible to ship for much of the country. There will be absolute chaos and famine and the whole nation of 70 million people will starve to death.
Machiavelli wrote in The Prince, Chapter 3, "The injury we do to a man must be such that we need not fear his vengeance." A hydrogen bomb on Tehran would pretty much just about do the trick. One hydrogen bomb on Tehran and the whole country will collapse.
Don't get me wrong. If the hydrogen bomb gets dropped on Iran, they deserve it. I'll be happy. Israel will have been saved. Iran is a murderous, warmongering, anti-Semitic lunatic asylum and they had it coming. But the blame will fall on all those who were too squeamish to use the neutron bomb. If Israel waits and delays, the planning that must attend my neutron bomb-plus-invasion will come too late, and then the only option left to Israel on short notice really will be to drop the hydrogen bomb on Tehran.
So, enough of the partying, fun and sun. Take off your snorkel, get your head out of the sea, check out of your luxury hotel on the beach in Eilat and make the choice. It's either the neutron bomb or the hydrogen bomb.