Psychology has long dealt with the social phenomenon known as "co-dependency." It's a term often used to describe the dynamics that occur in a family that has to deal with an alcoholic or drug addict. In a nutshell, this type of illness involves both the addict and the surrounding well-meaning "significant others." Although the addict plays the victim card to the hilt, it is those around him or her who become the pawns in this destructive game, and thus, parents, friends and spouses all become the real victims.
Unless the addict is dealt with in a professional way - usually at a locked down facility that offers rehab and counseling - the cycle of perpetuating the disorder simply goes on unabated. In fact, without the "tough love" approach, it gets worse. Left to everyone's good wishes and hopes, the dysfunctional behaviors not only repeat themselves, but they occur with greater frequency and intensity. The addict is no longer dangerous to himself or herself, but to all those around. Eventually, the addict destroys all around him, including those who invested so much time and energy to help; even those who were considered loved ones.
Without insisting on absolute accountability and very specific, concrete changes, the behaviors go on unabated until the addict and all in the circle are swept away in a whirlpool of destruction. In effect, since love doesn't work, everyone has been loved to death.
Tough problems take tough solutions. Even though we'd prefer to go easy and use the kid-glove approach, it simply won't work with addicts involved in this co-dependency relationship. The same notion, unfortunately, applies very well to Israel and her militant Islamic neighbors. That relationship, too, has deteriorated into one of co-dependency.
Israel is the well-meaning significant other, always trying to talk nicely and be so politically correct. Israel keeps asking this question, always hoping and praying it will be true: 'Oh, you want more land, and more dialogues and more concessions, and then you will change? Then you won't throw rocks at us, or shoots missiles at our communities, or bomb our buses? Then you will love us?' Yet, these militants have only demonstrated worse behaviors over time. They showed, in fact, the worst of addictive behaviors. Not to drugs, of course, but they've become addicted to hatred, racism and violence. And yet, it is Israel, along with the rest of the Western world, that has become a co-dependent partner, and thus actually has served to perpetuate and reinforce this deadly, destructive cycle.
A major factor that enables the destructive cycle to continue is that no real consequences are placed upon the perpetrator. The principal doesn't make concessions to a harmful bully. He suspends the bully, and sends him to a special training school if the bully becomes a repeat offender. Drug addicts and alcoholics don't need love pats on the back or free reign over the family car; they need to be admitted to a rehab facility. If need be, a responsible and concerned adult uses the Baker Act, and puts them in against the addict's will, for the addict no longer has self-control to stop the addictive pattern.
There has to be real consequences for behaviors. Without these, even if they seem harsh at first, the addict has no chance whatsoever at rehabilitation.
So, too, with Israel's neighbors. The situation in Gaza has become an absolute nightmare, with daily missile shootings into civilian areas in Israel. There is no other country on the planet that consistently bends over backwards to accommodate and tolerate this type of violence.
But this allowance, this co-dependent behavior from Israel, is not some nice gesture of tolerance leading to some sort of mutual relationship and understanding. Rather, it is seen by the attackers as an open window. It's like the mother who begs her drug addict son, "Please! I gave you $50 yesterday. Don't take my furs to the pawn shop!" The addict is way beyond words or motherly tears. In fact, if allowed to carry on without some drastic interference, the addict would kill his own mother to get to that purse.
Israel needs to stop this co-dependent nonsense. Killing the missile shooters one by one is an enormous waste of time, energy and, mainly, it constantly puts Israeli civilians and soldiers at tremendous unnecessary risk. This tactic plays right into the hands of the Islamic militants, allowing them to simply carry on as usual without any real consequences. And it also backfires. Just like an addict, the Arabs continually play the poor victim to the rest of the world.
Israel gave up the entire Gaza area to the Palestinian Authority. The rules were laid out very clearly: 'Here's a big chunk of real estate. Get busy making your own country and don't destroy the leftover synagogues, and definitely don't use the area to shoot at us.' But as soon as they got Gaza, the Arabs immediately desecrated and burned down the remaining synagogues. Once they saw that Israel and the world did nothing in return and that there were no major consequences, well, they set about putting the next phase into operation - daily Kassam rocket attacks into Israel. Thus, while Israel kept its side of the bargain, the Arabs are spitting all over the "peace" deal and laughing at the entire world.
Israel gave them a huge opportunity to stop the destructive cycle, but the other side was probably never really too interested in making peace and sitting side-by-side anyhow. They have broken peace deals over and over and over again. The only solution is for Israel to take it all back, clean up shop and stop this ridiculous, self-destructive, co-dependency. If not, I'm afraid the current Olmert government will continue to lead the country down the dark whirlpool of co-dependency - being loved to death.
Unless the addict is dealt with in a professional way - usually at a locked down facility that offers rehab and counseling - the cycle of perpetuating the disorder simply goes on unabated. In fact, without the "tough love" approach, it gets worse. Left to everyone's good wishes and hopes, the dysfunctional behaviors not only repeat themselves, but they occur with greater frequency and intensity. The addict is no longer dangerous to himself or herself, but to all those around. Eventually, the addict destroys all around him, including those who invested so much time and energy to help; even those who were considered loved ones.
Without insisting on absolute accountability and very specific, concrete changes, the behaviors go on unabated until the addict and all in the circle are swept away in a whirlpool of destruction. In effect, since love doesn't work, everyone has been loved to death.
Tough problems take tough solutions. Even though we'd prefer to go easy and use the kid-glove approach, it simply won't work with addicts involved in this co-dependency relationship. The same notion, unfortunately, applies very well to Israel and her militant Islamic neighbors. That relationship, too, has deteriorated into one of co-dependency.
Israel is the well-meaning significant other, always trying to talk nicely and be so politically correct. Israel keeps asking this question, always hoping and praying it will be true: 'Oh, you want more land, and more dialogues and more concessions, and then you will change? Then you won't throw rocks at us, or shoots missiles at our communities, or bomb our buses? Then you will love us?' Yet, these militants have only demonstrated worse behaviors over time. They showed, in fact, the worst of addictive behaviors. Not to drugs, of course, but they've become addicted to hatred, racism and violence. And yet, it is Israel, along with the rest of the Western world, that has become a co-dependent partner, and thus actually has served to perpetuate and reinforce this deadly, destructive cycle.
A major factor that enables the destructive cycle to continue is that no real consequences are placed upon the perpetrator. The principal doesn't make concessions to a harmful bully. He suspends the bully, and sends him to a special training school if the bully becomes a repeat offender. Drug addicts and alcoholics don't need love pats on the back or free reign over the family car; they need to be admitted to a rehab facility. If need be, a responsible and concerned adult uses the Baker Act, and puts them in against the addict's will, for the addict no longer has self-control to stop the addictive pattern.
There has to be real consequences for behaviors. Without these, even if they seem harsh at first, the addict has no chance whatsoever at rehabilitation.
So, too, with Israel's neighbors. The situation in Gaza has become an absolute nightmare, with daily missile shootings into civilian areas in Israel. There is no other country on the planet that consistently bends over backwards to accommodate and tolerate this type of violence.
But this allowance, this co-dependent behavior from Israel, is not some nice gesture of tolerance leading to some sort of mutual relationship and understanding. Rather, it is seen by the attackers as an open window. It's like the mother who begs her drug addict son, "Please! I gave you $50 yesterday. Don't take my furs to the pawn shop!" The addict is way beyond words or motherly tears. In fact, if allowed to carry on without some drastic interference, the addict would kill his own mother to get to that purse.
Israel needs to stop this co-dependent nonsense. Killing the missile shooters one by one is an enormous waste of time, energy and, mainly, it constantly puts Israeli civilians and soldiers at tremendous unnecessary risk. This tactic plays right into the hands of the Islamic militants, allowing them to simply carry on as usual without any real consequences. And it also backfires. Just like an addict, the Arabs continually play the poor victim to the rest of the world.
Israel gave up the entire Gaza area to the Palestinian Authority. The rules were laid out very clearly: 'Here's a big chunk of real estate. Get busy making your own country and don't destroy the leftover synagogues, and definitely don't use the area to shoot at us.' But as soon as they got Gaza, the Arabs immediately desecrated and burned down the remaining synagogues. Once they saw that Israel and the world did nothing in return and that there were no major consequences, well, they set about putting the next phase into operation - daily Kassam rocket attacks into Israel. Thus, while Israel kept its side of the bargain, the Arabs are spitting all over the "peace" deal and laughing at the entire world.
Israel gave them a huge opportunity to stop the destructive cycle, but the other side was probably never really too interested in making peace and sitting side-by-side anyhow. They have broken peace deals over and over and over again. The only solution is for Israel to take it all back, clean up shop and stop this ridiculous, self-destructive, co-dependency. If not, I'm afraid the current Olmert government will continue to lead the country down the dark whirlpool of co-dependency - being loved to death.