Yes, it's true that world events are also getting coverage here in the United States. President George W. Bush in Latvia, Bush in the Netherlands, Bush in Moscow, Bush trading jabs with Vladimir Putin. All that is making the news, as is the solemn commemoration of VE Day.
But the biggest story of all? Paula Abdul. Some punk who can't sing or dance claims that she seduced him while he was a contestant on American Idol. We love this stuff. For more titillation, we've also had Laura Bush somewhat indecently teasing her husband before an audience of prize-winning journalists - oh, and that runaway bride from Georgia. That's all people are talking about, but mostly Paula Abdul, who later appeared on Saturday Night Live to poke fun at herself and win us back. (It worked.)
Here in America, the Paula Abdul caper is what we call "The Situation."
Unlike the rest, America does not do weltschmerz - as in "sadness over the evils of the world, romantic pessimism." No, America romps. Even at the worst of times, we had the hula hoop, the jitterbug, Elvis, pin-ups, and now, in the middle of our war in Iraq, as we grieve over our fallen men and women, we still cheered home a 50-to-one shot in the Kentucky Derby.
I did a piece on this once ("Play Ball, and Cut The Weltschmerz", on Chronwatch), but never thought to connect all that to Israel.
Now, I think it's time. We all know that aside from Israel's Stockholm Syndrome, in which the captive begins to sympathize with the captor - and here we're talking mostly about the Israeli Left that has voluntarily bought into dhimmitude - aside from all that, Israel's leaders are motivated along three paths:
1. To win a Nobel Prize for Peace;
2. To make Tom Friedman happy;
3. To make America happy.
To make America happy, that is really number one. Ariel Sharon is only taking the cue from his predecessors. To survive on this (world) stage, goes this Israeli Jewish reasoning, we must put on the best show we've got to please an audience of 300 million Americans. That is all that counts - America's approval and applause.
But suppose America doesn't give a damn - isn't even paying attention? Dear Ariel Sharon, says America, you can banish your own people from Gush Katif till doomsday, we don't care. We've got other business. We've got cows to milk, movies to see, casinos to visit and Paula Abdul.
Will the Yankees start winning games and make it out of the cellar? This is also a "situation".
What this means, perhaps tragically, is that Israel is playing to the wrong audience and turning itself inside out for no reason. Our elites sit in a small room. They have almost no say on our public opinion, except for among fellow elites. You want to win America? Get Jay Leno on your side, or Oprah, or Jon Stewart. Forget Tom Friedman.
Most Americans, I'd put the figure at 70 percent, never heard of Ariel Sharon. Go ahead, do a survey. Most Americans, and I'll put this figure at 85 percent, never heard of Gaza, and certainly 95 percent never heard of Gush Katif.
The only people who care are a handful of critics in the front row, yes, like Tom Friedman, but they will never give Israel two hands clapping, no matter how many painful concessions Israel makes. So forget it; they don't count anyway, the Tom Friedmans. Most Americans never heard of Tom Friedman. I'll bet on that, too.
Sure, Friedman's New York Times is big, but not where it really counts. The Times' top editors have finally come around to understanding the unpleasant fact that the paper is talking mostly to itself, as revealed from this headline of just the other day: "Times Panel Proposes Steps To Build Credibility". One of these panelists, Steve Cody, summed up the problems facing the Times like this: "There seems to be a disconnect with a large part of the United States population."
Perhaps it's time for Israel to think of America as this nation from sea to shining sea. This (in the hundreds of millions) is the audience that Israel must impress, and these are the people who do not like weakness and kvetching. They like the little tough guy (Israel's previous well-earned reputation) who beats back the big favorites, like that 50-to-one shot who zoomed from the clouds to win the Derby. So, forget the nattering nabobs along the Beltway.
Remind America that the Middle East is no different from the Kentucky Derby, with Israel a lonely 22-to-one shot. This will get America rooting.
Or, keep Gush Katif; in fact, expand Gush Katif and the rest of Israel, but get Sharon to follow Paula Abdul and do stand-up on Saturday Night Live.
Laura Bush won us over with jokes, not weltschmerz. That's how it's done here, and it always works.
But the biggest story of all? Paula Abdul. Some punk who can't sing or dance claims that she seduced him while he was a contestant on American Idol. We love this stuff. For more titillation, we've also had Laura Bush somewhat indecently teasing her husband before an audience of prize-winning journalists - oh, and that runaway bride from Georgia. That's all people are talking about, but mostly Paula Abdul, who later appeared on Saturday Night Live to poke fun at herself and win us back. (It worked.)
Here in America, the Paula Abdul caper is what we call "The Situation."
Unlike the rest, America does not do weltschmerz - as in "sadness over the evils of the world, romantic pessimism." No, America romps. Even at the worst of times, we had the hula hoop, the jitterbug, Elvis, pin-ups, and now, in the middle of our war in Iraq, as we grieve over our fallen men and women, we still cheered home a 50-to-one shot in the Kentucky Derby.
I did a piece on this once ("Play Ball, and Cut The Weltschmerz", on Chronwatch), but never thought to connect all that to Israel.
Now, I think it's time. We all know that aside from Israel's Stockholm Syndrome, in which the captive begins to sympathize with the captor - and here we're talking mostly about the Israeli Left that has voluntarily bought into dhimmitude - aside from all that, Israel's leaders are motivated along three paths:
1. To win a Nobel Prize for Peace;
2. To make Tom Friedman happy;
3. To make America happy.
To make America happy, that is really number one. Ariel Sharon is only taking the cue from his predecessors. To survive on this (world) stage, goes this Israeli Jewish reasoning, we must put on the best show we've got to please an audience of 300 million Americans. That is all that counts - America's approval and applause.
But suppose America doesn't give a damn - isn't even paying attention? Dear Ariel Sharon, says America, you can banish your own people from Gush Katif till doomsday, we don't care. We've got other business. We've got cows to milk, movies to see, casinos to visit and Paula Abdul.
Will the Yankees start winning games and make it out of the cellar? This is also a "situation".
What this means, perhaps tragically, is that Israel is playing to the wrong audience and turning itself inside out for no reason. Our elites sit in a small room. They have almost no say on our public opinion, except for among fellow elites. You want to win America? Get Jay Leno on your side, or Oprah, or Jon Stewart. Forget Tom Friedman.
Most Americans, I'd put the figure at 70 percent, never heard of Ariel Sharon. Go ahead, do a survey. Most Americans, and I'll put this figure at 85 percent, never heard of Gaza, and certainly 95 percent never heard of Gush Katif.
The only people who care are a handful of critics in the front row, yes, like Tom Friedman, but they will never give Israel two hands clapping, no matter how many painful concessions Israel makes. So forget it; they don't count anyway, the Tom Friedmans. Most Americans never heard of Tom Friedman. I'll bet on that, too.
Sure, Friedman's New York Times is big, but not where it really counts. The Times' top editors have finally come around to understanding the unpleasant fact that the paper is talking mostly to itself, as revealed from this headline of just the other day: "Times Panel Proposes Steps To Build Credibility". One of these panelists, Steve Cody, summed up the problems facing the Times like this: "There seems to be a disconnect with a large part of the United States population."
Perhaps it's time for Israel to think of America as this nation from sea to shining sea. This (in the hundreds of millions) is the audience that Israel must impress, and these are the people who do not like weakness and kvetching. They like the little tough guy (Israel's previous well-earned reputation) who beats back the big favorites, like that 50-to-one shot who zoomed from the clouds to win the Derby. So, forget the nattering nabobs along the Beltway.
Remind America that the Middle East is no different from the Kentucky Derby, with Israel a lonely 22-to-one shot. This will get America rooting.
Or, keep Gush Katif; in fact, expand Gush Katif and the rest of Israel, but get Sharon to follow Paula Abdul and do stand-up on Saturday Night Live.
Laura Bush won us over with jokes, not weltschmerz. That's how it's done here, and it always works.