Perhaps the most astonishing aspect of the peculiar story of Judah and his daughter-in-law Tamar occurred after Judah was informed that the young widow had been behaving loosely and was pregnant. Judah meted out a harsh punishment for her promiscuity: "Take her out and have her burned." (Genesis 38:24)
Confronted with such a severe sentence, Tamar could have easily pointed an accusing finger at Judah. After all, it was Judah who had made her pregnant, not knowing the true identity of the 'prostitute' he had met on the road to Timna. Incredibly, Tamar chose to be silent.
Only as she was led out for her punishment, did Tamar say enigmatically, "I am pregnant by the man who is the owner of these articles." (Genesis 38:25)
When Judah heard that terse statement, he suddenly realized that her pregnancy was not the result of promiscuity, but a form of yibum (levirate marriage) that Tamar had only been able to consummate through deception.
Why didn't Tamar save her life by clearly identifying her father-in-law - and judge - as the person responsible?
The Talmud derives an amazing lesson from Tamar's selfless act: "It is better to throw oneself into a fiery furnace than to shame another person in public." (Brachot 43b)
This remarkable statement raises two questions. First of all, is honor really such an important thing? Did not the Sages teach (Avot 4:21) that the pursuit of honor "drives one from the world"?
Secondly, there are only three crimes (murder, idolatry, and illicit relations) so grievous that it is preferable to die rather than transgress them. Why was Tamar willing to be put to death so as not to put Judah to shame?
Superficial Honor and Inner Worth
To answer the first question, we need to distinguish between two types of honor. The first is an illusory honor based on external factors - wealth, position, fame, etc. Pursuit of this superficial honor is a destructive character trait that can truly cause one to lose his way and squander his life.
There is, however, a second form of honor, based on awareness of our true inner worth as human beings created in God's image. Recognition of our inner dignity, and aversion of a life of ignominy, has the opposite effect to the pursuit of external honor. This awareness is the foundation of morality and life itself. It raises our spirits to value the genuine nobility of spiritual perfection and Divine knowledge.
In an essay explaining the need in our generation to study the Torah's esoteric teachings, Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook wrote:
"While the world progresses in its external culture, it simultaneously declines in its inner worth. This deterioration stems from the phenomenon that, with the advance of culture's external values, the eye is increasingly captivated by superficialities, and learns to belittle inner awareness. Due to this process, humanity's true worth continually dwindles. The redemption of the world depends on the restoration of our inner recognitions." (Orot HaKodesh vol. I, p. 96)
Human life has value only when accompanied by a sense of honor and dignity. Therefore, it is better to forfeit one's physical life then publicly shame another person, permanently disgracing him and ruining his honor. Such a public defaming will bring about the loss of all value in living - a slow and degrading demise.
It appears that, practically speaking, one should not take such a drastic step. In the end, a full life can heal and restore all lost honor. Nonetheless, a noble and sensitive soul should feel that his own desire to live is lost, if survival means the public disgrace of another person, inducing his long-term humiliation. For this reason, the sages did not write, "One is required to throw himself into a fiery furnace," but "It is better...." This is how we should feel, even if in practice it does not come to that.
[Based on Ein Aya vol. II, p. 191]
Confronted with such a severe sentence, Tamar could have easily pointed an accusing finger at Judah. After all, it was Judah who had made her pregnant, not knowing the true identity of the 'prostitute' he had met on the road to Timna. Incredibly, Tamar chose to be silent.
Only as she was led out for her punishment, did Tamar say enigmatically, "I am pregnant by the man who is the owner of these articles." (Genesis 38:25)
When Judah heard that terse statement, he suddenly realized that her pregnancy was not the result of promiscuity, but a form of yibum (levirate marriage) that Tamar had only been able to consummate through deception.
Why didn't Tamar save her life by clearly identifying her father-in-law - and judge - as the person responsible?
The Talmud derives an amazing lesson from Tamar's selfless act: "It is better to throw oneself into a fiery furnace than to shame another person in public." (Brachot 43b)
This remarkable statement raises two questions. First of all, is honor really such an important thing? Did not the Sages teach (Avot 4:21) that the pursuit of honor "drives one from the world"?
Secondly, there are only three crimes (murder, idolatry, and illicit relations) so grievous that it is preferable to die rather than transgress them. Why was Tamar willing to be put to death so as not to put Judah to shame?
Superficial Honor and Inner Worth
To answer the first question, we need to distinguish between two types of honor. The first is an illusory honor based on external factors - wealth, position, fame, etc. Pursuit of this superficial honor is a destructive character trait that can truly cause one to lose his way and squander his life.
There is, however, a second form of honor, based on awareness of our true inner worth as human beings created in God's image. Recognition of our inner dignity, and aversion of a life of ignominy, has the opposite effect to the pursuit of external honor. This awareness is the foundation of morality and life itself. It raises our spirits to value the genuine nobility of spiritual perfection and Divine knowledge.
In an essay explaining the need in our generation to study the Torah's esoteric teachings, Rabbi Abraham Isaac Kook wrote:
"While the world progresses in its external culture, it simultaneously declines in its inner worth. This deterioration stems from the phenomenon that, with the advance of culture's external values, the eye is increasingly captivated by superficialities, and learns to belittle inner awareness. Due to this process, humanity's true worth continually dwindles. The redemption of the world depends on the restoration of our inner recognitions." (Orot HaKodesh vol. I, p. 96)
Human life has value only when accompanied by a sense of honor and dignity. Therefore, it is better to forfeit one's physical life then publicly shame another person, permanently disgracing him and ruining his honor. Such a public defaming will bring about the loss of all value in living - a slow and degrading demise.
It appears that, practically speaking, one should not take such a drastic step. In the end, a full life can heal and restore all lost honor. Nonetheless, a noble and sensitive soul should feel that his own desire to live is lost, if survival means the public disgrace of another person, inducing his long-term humiliation. For this reason, the sages did not write, "One is required to throw himself into a fiery furnace," but "It is better...." This is how we should feel, even if in practice it does not come to that.
[Based on Ein Aya vol. II, p. 191]