Do you have to drink an entire bottle of Coca-Cola to know that it's Coca-Cola? No, you know it by its label.
Do you have to eat pork to know that it's pork?
That's why I did not read Jeffrey Goldberg in the New Yorker, and have no intention of reading Richard Ben Cramer's new book.
Because their names are the label and the label says "not kosher". But, yes, I did comment negatively on both in a recent article ("Anti-Semites, We Don't Need You Anymore") and took some heat for writing about works that I had not read. I even stood up in front of the class to announce that I had not done the homework.
That heedlessness was no mistake. I wanted friends to know that, for me at least, it is not necessary to read certain people, or listen to them or watch them. Their signatures are enough. I do not have to read Amira Hass, or Amiri Baraka, or Gideon Levy, or Noam Chomsky, or Tom Friedman, or Tom Paulin - I know what's coming.
Certain public figures are identifiable by their rap sheets and giving them our attention should come with a cigarette warning.
Took me a while for Peter Jennings, but then I figured him out and haven't tuned him in for the past ten years. I kept thinking, "For once, Peter, surprise me," but it never happened.
Same goes for Anthony Lewis at the New York Times. Just once, Tony, say something positive about America, something good about Israel. One time, blame somebody else. But that, too, never happened. So I stopped reading him. As soon as his byline came up, I turned to Sports.
You learn to keep score. Is an editorial in the New York Times, or the Los Angeles Times, or the San Francisco Chronicleever going to say anything different? Say something new and I'm all yours. Hasn't happened yet. We know what's coming, and it ain't good for the Jews, or even for Christians, so why bother?
Does Israel's Haaretz deserve a second glance after it ridiculed its own hero-astronaut Ilan Ramon?
Has Maureen Dowd written anything except the same (anti-"Bushie") column over and over again? Only the headlines change for repackaging.
Next door, I've got the Philadelphia Inquirer and its maven on world affairs, Trudy Rubin. I glimpse her name, her label, and dash for the nearest fire escape. Information is so plentiful, anyway, that you must distill to keep from choking on news and opinion, so much of it manipulated, contrived and corrupted.
When it's face-time for Geraldo on Fox TV News, for me it's hello, goodbye. Must I listen to Marc Ginsburg to know what he's going to say? But I already know. I've heard it all before and I'd rather watch synchronized swimming. Dennis Ross will be Dennis Ross whether I listen to him or not.
Need I do anything but switch to baseball when Hanan Ashrawi comes on to explain why it was Israel's fault that an Arab murdered a pregnant Israeli woman and her four daughters? I'll take the bowling channel when that Saudi Arabian guy comes on to smooth away his country's sponsorship of worldwide terrorism. I'm in the business. I know the script. So that's what I do. I switch.
I don't even know where to find NPR on my radio dial, and at 7:00pm, I enjoy the televised BBC without the sound. That's how I stay informed.
We keep getting duped by false prophets and our young are being infected. Yossi Beilin spoke, people listened, and, in Oslo, Israel bought a lemon.
But as for me, must I listen to more slick salesmanship from Norm Finkelstein? Pat Buchanan? Georgie Ann Geyer? I got the message.
(How wasteful when two strong conservative voices, like Buchanan and Robert Novak, respond to ancient reflexes and veer left alongside Bill Press when it comes to Israel.)
I've got my own vexation about being predictable.
President Bush, for example. I favor him, but I do not like his two-state solution, a solution that carves up Biblical and historic Israel to make room for a nation of killers.
Bill Clinton? I almost feel twisted pity for the guy. That BBC moment with David Dimbleby (I relented this once) showed a man who is hurting. He keeps testing new virgins, I mean versions, of his story. (No, I will not buy or read the King James edition of Clinton's 957-page self-serving romp. Even Moses didn't need that many pages.)
So the lines do not, and should not, form so quickly to the right or to the left. (Though, yes, Ann Coulter for President.)
But I still refuse to watch any movie with Vanessa Redgrave. Labels stick.
And speaking of predictable?
Memo to Las Vegas oddsmakers: the International Court of Justice at the Hague will shortly issue a legal opinion on Israel's fence. So says the Jerusalem Post. Gentlemen of Nevada, if wagers are being taken between the Arabs and the Jews, as to who wins this tournament, please put me down for a million dollars on the side of the Arabs. I know a safe bet when I see one.
Do you have to eat pork to know that it's pork?
That's why I did not read Jeffrey Goldberg in the New Yorker, and have no intention of reading Richard Ben Cramer's new book.
Because their names are the label and the label says "not kosher". But, yes, I did comment negatively on both in a recent article ("Anti-Semites, We Don't Need You Anymore") and took some heat for writing about works that I had not read. I even stood up in front of the class to announce that I had not done the homework.
That heedlessness was no mistake. I wanted friends to know that, for me at least, it is not necessary to read certain people, or listen to them or watch them. Their signatures are enough. I do not have to read Amira Hass, or Amiri Baraka, or Gideon Levy, or Noam Chomsky, or Tom Friedman, or Tom Paulin - I know what's coming.
Certain public figures are identifiable by their rap sheets and giving them our attention should come with a cigarette warning.
Took me a while for Peter Jennings, but then I figured him out and haven't tuned him in for the past ten years. I kept thinking, "For once, Peter, surprise me," but it never happened.
Same goes for Anthony Lewis at the New York Times. Just once, Tony, say something positive about America, something good about Israel. One time, blame somebody else. But that, too, never happened. So I stopped reading him. As soon as his byline came up, I turned to Sports.
You learn to keep score. Is an editorial in the New York Times, or the Los Angeles Times, or the San Francisco Chronicleever going to say anything different? Say something new and I'm all yours. Hasn't happened yet. We know what's coming, and it ain't good for the Jews, or even for Christians, so why bother?
Does Israel's Haaretz deserve a second glance after it ridiculed its own hero-astronaut Ilan Ramon?
Has Maureen Dowd written anything except the same (anti-"Bushie") column over and over again? Only the headlines change for repackaging.
Next door, I've got the Philadelphia Inquirer and its maven on world affairs, Trudy Rubin. I glimpse her name, her label, and dash for the nearest fire escape. Information is so plentiful, anyway, that you must distill to keep from choking on news and opinion, so much of it manipulated, contrived and corrupted.
When it's face-time for Geraldo on Fox TV News, for me it's hello, goodbye. Must I listen to Marc Ginsburg to know what he's going to say? But I already know. I've heard it all before and I'd rather watch synchronized swimming. Dennis Ross will be Dennis Ross whether I listen to him or not.
Need I do anything but switch to baseball when Hanan Ashrawi comes on to explain why it was Israel's fault that an Arab murdered a pregnant Israeli woman and her four daughters? I'll take the bowling channel when that Saudi Arabian guy comes on to smooth away his country's sponsorship of worldwide terrorism. I'm in the business. I know the script. So that's what I do. I switch.
I don't even know where to find NPR on my radio dial, and at 7:00pm, I enjoy the televised BBC without the sound. That's how I stay informed.
We keep getting duped by false prophets and our young are being infected. Yossi Beilin spoke, people listened, and, in Oslo, Israel bought a lemon.
But as for me, must I listen to more slick salesmanship from Norm Finkelstein? Pat Buchanan? Georgie Ann Geyer? I got the message.
(How wasteful when two strong conservative voices, like Buchanan and Robert Novak, respond to ancient reflexes and veer left alongside Bill Press when it comes to Israel.)
I've got my own vexation about being predictable.
President Bush, for example. I favor him, but I do not like his two-state solution, a solution that carves up Biblical and historic Israel to make room for a nation of killers.
Bill Clinton? I almost feel twisted pity for the guy. That BBC moment with David Dimbleby (I relented this once) showed a man who is hurting. He keeps testing new virgins, I mean versions, of his story. (No, I will not buy or read the King James edition of Clinton's 957-page self-serving romp. Even Moses didn't need that many pages.)
So the lines do not, and should not, form so quickly to the right or to the left. (Though, yes, Ann Coulter for President.)
But I still refuse to watch any movie with Vanessa Redgrave. Labels stick.
And speaking of predictable?
Memo to Las Vegas oddsmakers: the International Court of Justice at the Hague will shortly issue a legal opinion on Israel's fence. So says the Jerusalem Post. Gentlemen of Nevada, if wagers are being taken between the Arabs and the Jews, as to who wins this tournament, please put me down for a million dollars on the side of the Arabs. I know a safe bet when I see one.