I'm sure you are familiar with the famous scene from Tom Sawyer where Tom is told to whitewash a fence. He doesn't want to do it, so he conceives a plan to have the rest of the kids in the neighborhood do it for him. He pretends he is having a wonderful time painting the fence; he is privileged to paint the fence; he is honored to paint the fence! Soon, the other kids are begging him to let them paint the fence, too. At first, he refuses (in order to make them want it more) and then he finally "relents." He has the other children trade their toys for an "opportunity" to paint the fence, and he spends the afternoon relaxing and playing while the other kids pay to do his work.
The scene is famous, of course, because it shows the cleverness of Tom Sawyer, but it is even more famous as a metaphor for how easy it is to take advantage of others - without the disadvantaged even realizing it. When the disadvantaged finally do realize it, it is often too late to change the situation. Too late, because "Tom Sawyer" doesn't want the responsibility back, and his victims have invested too much time, effort and ego to admit they were wrong.
I bring this up not to discuss fences, and specifically the security fence that Israel is building (that's what you were thinking, right?), but to discuss the issue of taking advantage of others and, of course, being taken advantage of.
Before I go any further, I have to explain something about myself: I am a "Torah feminist." I just made up the term, so I should explain it to you. I define it this way: "I am a woman and proud to be a woman." I don't want to be a man. When I say my morning blessings and thank G-d for making me "according to His will," I mean it. I love being a woman. I think that the women who are always looking over men's shoulders to see if women are missing out on something are missing something - they are missing the pleasure of being a woman.
Too many women are under the misguided assumption that if something is different between men and women, then the women have the short end of the bargain; but they are wrong. This is what secular feminists have tried to convince us, but it isn't the truth. Their way of looking at the world is defined by men, because they compare themselves to men. My way of looking at the world is purely feminine. I don't want the responsibility or the obligations of men, and I am happy to know that Hashem has endowed women with a special and more spiritual nature. It is a nature that does not require us to meet in minyanim or tie tefillin between our eyes and around our hands, like men have to do.
I have a hard time explaining myself to the secular feminists I know, who are now and forever being duped by the Tom Sawyers of the Jewish world.
These Tom Sawyers are men who act, speak and teach others that being counted for a minyan is an "honor" and a "privilege", rather than a "responsibility" and an "obligation". These men (whether they know it or not) encourage women to want to give up the freedom women have to pray at will, either alone or with others, and take on the responsibility and obligation of being counted for a minyan. Filled with the false sense that public Torah reading and minyans are "honors" and "privileges", rather than "obligations" and "responsibilities", women beg and plead to be included in the counting of the minyan and to read Torah. The men either refuse (which makes the women want it more) or "relent" and let the women take the responsibility and obligation of the minyan and the Torah reading from the men. The women, unaware that they have been disadvantaged by taking a responsibility that is not theirs, are too late to save congregations where women line up to read Torah and the men stay home and watch sports. The men don't want the responsibility back, and the women have invested too much time, effort and ego to admit they are wrong.
In the same vein, many congregants in "progressive" synagogues clamor to remove the mehitzah (separation between the men's and women's sections), thinking it is "repressive" to women. These congregants can't see that, in synagogue, it is the women who have freedom and independence and the men who have obligation and responsibility. Women bend to their husbands, who complain that they "want to sit with their wives" and men who show a false sense of indignation for the sake of the women, telling them women shouldn't be "segregated". The women, instead of protecting and enjoying their rights, unfortunately, are the willing dupes for the Tom Sawyers. They don't see that women who sit separately can come and go as they please with independence, but once the mehitzah is removed, they are required to be there at all times. They lose the rights they once had as women. It is very easy to remove a mehitzah, and very difficult to put one back up. Those who once had responsibility to pay attention to the service and pray without distraction don't want to have that responsibility back, and those saddled with a new responsibility that is not theirs can't go back.
Isn't it time that Jews stop this Tom Sawyer game and allow women the freedoms we are allotted by Hashem in Torah? This will take effort from both sides - both from Tom and from Tom's victims. Those who want to put ego into their obligations need to learn the importance of modesty in responsibility, and those who clamor to be taken advantage of need to learn the importance of patience and understanding. With both sides working together, we could put some real effort into actually understanding that the differences between men and women are wonderful, helpful and perfect.
It really is OK to have different mitzvot to fulfill. We just need to learn the truth and not the spin. I highly recommend that we all begin to use the resources we have in our communities - our local orthodox rabbis - who have studied the laws and understand them. They can educate us regarding matters both great and small (never be afraid to ask a question, no matter how seemingly simple). We need to understand that Torah is perfect, and the laws are written the way they are written for a reason. Think of how much we can accomplish if we all work to know our responsibilities and fulfill them, instead of trying to improve upon the perfect.
The scene is famous, of course, because it shows the cleverness of Tom Sawyer, but it is even more famous as a metaphor for how easy it is to take advantage of others - without the disadvantaged even realizing it. When the disadvantaged finally do realize it, it is often too late to change the situation. Too late, because "Tom Sawyer" doesn't want the responsibility back, and his victims have invested too much time, effort and ego to admit they were wrong.
I bring this up not to discuss fences, and specifically the security fence that Israel is building (that's what you were thinking, right?), but to discuss the issue of taking advantage of others and, of course, being taken advantage of.
Before I go any further, I have to explain something about myself: I am a "Torah feminist." I just made up the term, so I should explain it to you. I define it this way: "I am a woman and proud to be a woman." I don't want to be a man. When I say my morning blessings and thank G-d for making me "according to His will," I mean it. I love being a woman. I think that the women who are always looking over men's shoulders to see if women are missing out on something are missing something - they are missing the pleasure of being a woman.
Too many women are under the misguided assumption that if something is different between men and women, then the women have the short end of the bargain; but they are wrong. This is what secular feminists have tried to convince us, but it isn't the truth. Their way of looking at the world is defined by men, because they compare themselves to men. My way of looking at the world is purely feminine. I don't want the responsibility or the obligations of men, and I am happy to know that Hashem has endowed women with a special and more spiritual nature. It is a nature that does not require us to meet in minyanim or tie tefillin between our eyes and around our hands, like men have to do.
I have a hard time explaining myself to the secular feminists I know, who are now and forever being duped by the Tom Sawyers of the Jewish world.
These Tom Sawyers are men who act, speak and teach others that being counted for a minyan is an "honor" and a "privilege", rather than a "responsibility" and an "obligation". These men (whether they know it or not) encourage women to want to give up the freedom women have to pray at will, either alone or with others, and take on the responsibility and obligation of being counted for a minyan. Filled with the false sense that public Torah reading and minyans are "honors" and "privileges", rather than "obligations" and "responsibilities", women beg and plead to be included in the counting of the minyan and to read Torah. The men either refuse (which makes the women want it more) or "relent" and let the women take the responsibility and obligation of the minyan and the Torah reading from the men. The women, unaware that they have been disadvantaged by taking a responsibility that is not theirs, are too late to save congregations where women line up to read Torah and the men stay home and watch sports. The men don't want the responsibility back, and the women have invested too much time, effort and ego to admit they are wrong.
In the same vein, many congregants in "progressive" synagogues clamor to remove the mehitzah (separation between the men's and women's sections), thinking it is "repressive" to women. These congregants can't see that, in synagogue, it is the women who have freedom and independence and the men who have obligation and responsibility. Women bend to their husbands, who complain that they "want to sit with their wives" and men who show a false sense of indignation for the sake of the women, telling them women shouldn't be "segregated". The women, instead of protecting and enjoying their rights, unfortunately, are the willing dupes for the Tom Sawyers. They don't see that women who sit separately can come and go as they please with independence, but once the mehitzah is removed, they are required to be there at all times. They lose the rights they once had as women. It is very easy to remove a mehitzah, and very difficult to put one back up. Those who once had responsibility to pay attention to the service and pray without distraction don't want to have that responsibility back, and those saddled with a new responsibility that is not theirs can't go back.
Isn't it time that Jews stop this Tom Sawyer game and allow women the freedoms we are allotted by Hashem in Torah? This will take effort from both sides - both from Tom and from Tom's victims. Those who want to put ego into their obligations need to learn the importance of modesty in responsibility, and those who clamor to be taken advantage of need to learn the importance of patience and understanding. With both sides working together, we could put some real effort into actually understanding that the differences between men and women are wonderful, helpful and perfect.
It really is OK to have different mitzvot to fulfill. We just need to learn the truth and not the spin. I highly recommend that we all begin to use the resources we have in our communities - our local orthodox rabbis - who have studied the laws and understand them. They can educate us regarding matters both great and small (never be afraid to ask a question, no matter how seemingly simple). We need to understand that Torah is perfect, and the laws are written the way they are written for a reason. Think of how much we can accomplish if we all work to know our responsibilities and fulfill them, instead of trying to improve upon the perfect.