One of the amusing - or annoying, so take your pick - aspects of current American mass media culture is the infomercial. For those of you who live in countries where this blight on the airwaves has not arrived, an infomercial is a an entire program, usually 30 minutes, paid for on a channel by a particular company to market its products; a very long commercial done in the format of a television program punctuated by ?commercials? for the same product to quickly summarize the message of the main program. The programs typically feature guests or hosts who either are supposed ?experts? in some field or attractive women wearing bikinis or short skirts. While infomercials are long, what they are usually advertising is about getting things done quick: losing weight, cooking elaborate meals, purifying the air in your house and, most notoriously, getting rich quick.
Suppose Yasser Arafat jumped into this television wasteland.
Arafat has established one of the truly effective kleptocracies of our time. He and his henchmen have managed to fatten their wallets with money skimmed from international donations, bribes, shakedowns and other means with breathtaking speed and magnitude. Arafat has been so successful in enriching himself that the next step on his adventure in avarice would be to go on television with an infomercial selling a video course to teach his wealth-building tips.
Perhaps it might go something like this:
Tired of working in a real job that isn't making you fabulously wealthy? Introducing Yasser Arafat's Kwick Kash with Kleptocracy - a four-part course on DVD or VHS that will change your life. Why borrow yourself into debt for a modest lifestyle when you can steal and live lavishly?
In part 1, ?Instant Nation,? Arafat will teach you how to create your very own ethnic group - even with no distinctive history, language or culture. Arafat will give you his list of exclusive tips to build international sympathy by demonizing the democratic country of your choice, while killing its citizens to extort land and money.
In part 2, ?TV - the Money Machine,? Arafat gives you his powerful secret techniques for displaying on television large numbers of people in distressed economic conditions and preventing others from giving them a better life, permanently - guaranteed to gain you worldwide attention and sympathy. You will be just amazed when those big fat international relief donations start coming in.
In part 3, ?Steal, Steal, Steal,? Arafat shares with you his unbelievable money-skimming, extortion and corruption techniques that are sure to generate monthly cash flows of seven or even eight figures (remember, your kleptocratic results may vary).
Finally, in part 4, ?What Money?? Arafat teaches you his special techniques to hide money in Swiss accounts, bogus companies or just under the rug so that you will still look poor and impoverished, so that the international aid money keeps flowing in.
Plus, as a special bonus, if you call or log on in the next 30 minutes, Yasser Arafat will send you two bonus courses: Quick Profits Through Covert Terrorist Funding, and Manipulating and Intimidating the Media.
Kwick Kash with Kleptocracy is guaranteed to get you wealth beyond your wildest dreams while eliminating lots of people that you hate. If you are not completely satisfied, Yasser Arafat will personally ram through a UN General Assembly resolution condemning your targeted democracy - just for you.
Yasser Arafat's course, Kwick Kash with Kleptocracy, plus the two bonus videos is only available through this special TV offer for just 100 easy payments of $59.95, so call or log on with your credit card or send a courier with lots of cash to the Mukata right away.
Oh, would someone please change the channel now?
© 2003 Stephen M. Asbel
Suppose Yasser Arafat jumped into this television wasteland.
Arafat has established one of the truly effective kleptocracies of our time. He and his henchmen have managed to fatten their wallets with money skimmed from international donations, bribes, shakedowns and other means with breathtaking speed and magnitude. Arafat has been so successful in enriching himself that the next step on his adventure in avarice would be to go on television with an infomercial selling a video course to teach his wealth-building tips.
Perhaps it might go something like this:
Tired of working in a real job that isn't making you fabulously wealthy? Introducing Yasser Arafat's Kwick Kash with Kleptocracy - a four-part course on DVD or VHS that will change your life. Why borrow yourself into debt for a modest lifestyle when you can steal and live lavishly?
In part 1, ?Instant Nation,? Arafat will teach you how to create your very own ethnic group - even with no distinctive history, language or culture. Arafat will give you his list of exclusive tips to build international sympathy by demonizing the democratic country of your choice, while killing its citizens to extort land and money.
In part 2, ?TV - the Money Machine,? Arafat gives you his powerful secret techniques for displaying on television large numbers of people in distressed economic conditions and preventing others from giving them a better life, permanently - guaranteed to gain you worldwide attention and sympathy. You will be just amazed when those big fat international relief donations start coming in.
In part 3, ?Steal, Steal, Steal,? Arafat shares with you his unbelievable money-skimming, extortion and corruption techniques that are sure to generate monthly cash flows of seven or even eight figures (remember, your kleptocratic results may vary).
Finally, in part 4, ?What Money?? Arafat teaches you his special techniques to hide money in Swiss accounts, bogus companies or just under the rug so that you will still look poor and impoverished, so that the international aid money keeps flowing in.
Plus, as a special bonus, if you call or log on in the next 30 minutes, Yasser Arafat will send you two bonus courses: Quick Profits Through Covert Terrorist Funding, and Manipulating and Intimidating the Media.
Kwick Kash with Kleptocracy is guaranteed to get you wealth beyond your wildest dreams while eliminating lots of people that you hate. If you are not completely satisfied, Yasser Arafat will personally ram through a UN General Assembly resolution condemning your targeted democracy - just for you.
Yasser Arafat's course, Kwick Kash with Kleptocracy, plus the two bonus videos is only available through this special TV offer for just 100 easy payments of $59.95, so call or log on with your credit card or send a courier with lots of cash to the Mukata right away.
Oh, would someone please change the channel now?
© 2003 Stephen M. Asbel