Obstructing the flow of blessings
It's easy and romantic to love the people you actually love and enjoy. But what about those individuals whom you loath and despise? How do you deal with the people who make your life miserable?
One of the greatest crises facing the Jewish community today is the tremendous divisiveness and animosity existing among Jews who disagree with each other on key issues. It is not only a split between distinct denominations and communities. Often within a single community, one encounters the burning flames of hate and fragmentation that set apart family from family, group from group, or one person from his fellow man.
This is sad, because the most critical prerequisite for a community to receive G-d's blessings lies in its unity.(1) The Midrash relates(2) the powerful contrast between two generations of Jews, one pagan and the other monotheistic. The generation living during the reign of the evil biblical King Achav, says the Midrash, was filled with pagan idol worshipers. Yet, these sinful Jews were victorious in their wars against their enemies. Why? Because mutual accord and respect dominated their midst; they learned to like and get along with each other. On the other hand, the generation of Jews living during the reign of King David was very religious and observant, clinging ferociously to the Jewish faith in a single universal G-d. Yet, they died in war. Why? The sages say it's because they despised and informed upon each other.
The ultimate test for the integrity and spirituality of a human being in Judaism is not in his or her scholarship, faith or religious observance, but in his or her capacity to love the stranger, to transcend the ego and escape the traps of divisiveness and hate.(3)
The cancer of divisiveness
The story is told of the saintly Rabbi Israel Meir HaCohen Kagan,(3) commonly known as the Chafetz Chaim,(4) who bore witness to an extraordinary conflict that broke out between two wealthy Jews in his community. In the midst of their personal war of gossip, animosity and nasty letters, a child of the quarrel's chief instigator fell very ill.
The Chafetz Chaim paid a visit to the child's father and said to him: "Don't you see what your fighting caused? Don't you think that for the sake of your child it is about time to extinguish the blaze of hatred?"
To which the father responded: "I will bury my child; but I will come out a winner!"
The great sage could do nothing but break into bitter sobbing.
Such is the disease of interpersonal wars. Once you get involved in it, you lose much of your sanity and healthy judgment. You are driven only by one agenda: to emerge a victor. Nothing else, even the life and well-being of loved ones, matters. The need to come out victorious turns you blind to everything that really matters in life.
Fragmentation and hate in communities is like a cancer that drains people of their energy, and they consume the hearts and brains of the entire community. Like cancer, they spread in frightening swiftness and often do not cease until they kill their victims mentally and, heaven forbid, sometimes physically.
The ten-year squabble
Another story is told about two outstanding sages and scholars of the 18th century, Jacob Emden (1697-1776) and Jonathan Eybeschuetz (1690-1764), who were engaged in a stormy conflict.(5) The former incorrectly accused the latter of being a secret follower of the false messianic sect of Shabtai-Zvi and attempted to excommunicate him from the Jewish community. The conflict, which divided German Jewry, subsided after a decade of bitter dispute.
One day, after the bickering ended, Rabbi Jacob Emden, who initiated the discord, was asked if his war against Rabbi Jonathan Eybeschuetz was idealistically motivated, "for the sake of heaven," or if it was perhaps fueled by ulterior motives.
Rabbi Emden, an extremely candid and genuine human being, replied: "The onset of the fighting may have been done for the sake of heaven. I'm not sure."
What the rabbi was saying is that once he was in the midst of the war, he was certain that ulterior motives had taken over the show and played a role in the squabbling. But even before he began, he could not be sure that his ego, or some other destructive force, was not the fuel that ignited the flame. Rabbi Jacob Emden understood a truth that many of us ignore: Once we are involved in a serious argument, we lack the objectivity, even before we start, to determine whether our perspective serves the truth. We must always, always possess the courage to say to ourselves: "Maybe I'm wrong!"
[My thanks to Shmuel Levin, a writer and editor in Pittsburgh, for his editorial assistance.]
Footnotes:
1) See Mishna, end of Auktzin. Derech Eretz Zutah Parek Hasholom. This truth pervades the Talmudic and Midrashic literature, see many references noted in Or Hatorah Bereishis vol. 3 p. 1334. Cf. Tanya, chapter 32.
2) Yalkut Melachim, Remez 213 and many other sources, referenced in Or Hatorah, ibid.
3) See Torah Or Megilas Esther p. 91a: "Since G-d is true Oneness, He can only dwell in a place of oneness and unity." Cf. Hayom Yom 28 Nissan and 8 Av.
4) This is the name of his famous work discussing the duty to guard one's tongue from gossip, slander and negative talk about a fellow human being. Rabbi Israel Meir Kagan was born in Zhetel, Poland, and ultimately settled in the Polish city of Radin. He authored twenty-one volumes, including the widely acclaimed Mishnah Brurah on Jewish law, and dedicated his life to foster mutual respect and love among Jews.
5) Rabbi Jacob Emden was regarded as a scholar of great distinction and his name lives on as the Yaabez. He authored four works, including a still widely used siddur (prayer book) and the work Shaalass Yavatz. He was a fiery opponent of the Shabbateans, the sect of Jews who continued to believe in Shabtai-Zvi as the messiah for the century following the latter?s conversion to Islam. Except for a brief period of time when the Yavatz served as the rabbi of Emden, he was never an elected Jewish authority. Rabbi Eybeschuetz was a teacher and preacher in Prague. Then, he served as rabbi of Metz, Germany, and finally assumed the position of Chief Rabbi of the German communities of Altona, Hamburg and Wandsbeck, until his passing. He authored six books, among them a book of brilliant sermons Yearos Devash and a biblical commentary, Tiferes Yehonasan.
It's easy and romantic to love the people you actually love and enjoy. But what about those individuals whom you loath and despise? How do you deal with the people who make your life miserable?
One of the greatest crises facing the Jewish community today is the tremendous divisiveness and animosity existing among Jews who disagree with each other on key issues. It is not only a split between distinct denominations and communities. Often within a single community, one encounters the burning flames of hate and fragmentation that set apart family from family, group from group, or one person from his fellow man.
This is sad, because the most critical prerequisite for a community to receive G-d's blessings lies in its unity.(1) The Midrash relates(2) the powerful contrast between two generations of Jews, one pagan and the other monotheistic. The generation living during the reign of the evil biblical King Achav, says the Midrash, was filled with pagan idol worshipers. Yet, these sinful Jews were victorious in their wars against their enemies. Why? Because mutual accord and respect dominated their midst; they learned to like and get along with each other. On the other hand, the generation of Jews living during the reign of King David was very religious and observant, clinging ferociously to the Jewish faith in a single universal G-d. Yet, they died in war. Why? The sages say it's because they despised and informed upon each other.
The ultimate test for the integrity and spirituality of a human being in Judaism is not in his or her scholarship, faith or religious observance, but in his or her capacity to love the stranger, to transcend the ego and escape the traps of divisiveness and hate.(3)
The cancer of divisiveness
The story is told of the saintly Rabbi Israel Meir HaCohen Kagan,(3) commonly known as the Chafetz Chaim,(4) who bore witness to an extraordinary conflict that broke out between two wealthy Jews in his community. In the midst of their personal war of gossip, animosity and nasty letters, a child of the quarrel's chief instigator fell very ill.
The Chafetz Chaim paid a visit to the child's father and said to him: "Don't you see what your fighting caused? Don't you think that for the sake of your child it is about time to extinguish the blaze of hatred?"
To which the father responded: "I will bury my child; but I will come out a winner!"
The great sage could do nothing but break into bitter sobbing.
Such is the disease of interpersonal wars. Once you get involved in it, you lose much of your sanity and healthy judgment. You are driven only by one agenda: to emerge a victor. Nothing else, even the life and well-being of loved ones, matters. The need to come out victorious turns you blind to everything that really matters in life.
Fragmentation and hate in communities is like a cancer that drains people of their energy, and they consume the hearts and brains of the entire community. Like cancer, they spread in frightening swiftness and often do not cease until they kill their victims mentally and, heaven forbid, sometimes physically.
The ten-year squabble
Another story is told about two outstanding sages and scholars of the 18th century, Jacob Emden (1697-1776) and Jonathan Eybeschuetz (1690-1764), who were engaged in a stormy conflict.(5) The former incorrectly accused the latter of being a secret follower of the false messianic sect of Shabtai-Zvi and attempted to excommunicate him from the Jewish community. The conflict, which divided German Jewry, subsided after a decade of bitter dispute.
One day, after the bickering ended, Rabbi Jacob Emden, who initiated the discord, was asked if his war against Rabbi Jonathan Eybeschuetz was idealistically motivated, "for the sake of heaven," or if it was perhaps fueled by ulterior motives.
Rabbi Emden, an extremely candid and genuine human being, replied: "The onset of the fighting may have been done for the sake of heaven. I'm not sure."
What the rabbi was saying is that once he was in the midst of the war, he was certain that ulterior motives had taken over the show and played a role in the squabbling. But even before he began, he could not be sure that his ego, or some other destructive force, was not the fuel that ignited the flame. Rabbi Jacob Emden understood a truth that many of us ignore: Once we are involved in a serious argument, we lack the objectivity, even before we start, to determine whether our perspective serves the truth. We must always, always possess the courage to say to ourselves: "Maybe I'm wrong!"
[My thanks to Shmuel Levin, a writer and editor in Pittsburgh, for his editorial assistance.]
Footnotes:
1) See Mishna, end of Auktzin. Derech Eretz Zutah Parek Hasholom. This truth pervades the Talmudic and Midrashic literature, see many references noted in Or Hatorah Bereishis vol. 3 p. 1334. Cf. Tanya, chapter 32.
2) Yalkut Melachim, Remez 213 and many other sources, referenced in Or Hatorah, ibid.
3) See Torah Or Megilas Esther p. 91a: "Since G-d is true Oneness, He can only dwell in a place of oneness and unity." Cf. Hayom Yom 28 Nissan and 8 Av.
4) This is the name of his famous work discussing the duty to guard one's tongue from gossip, slander and negative talk about a fellow human being. Rabbi Israel Meir Kagan was born in Zhetel, Poland, and ultimately settled in the Polish city of Radin. He authored twenty-one volumes, including the widely acclaimed Mishnah Brurah on Jewish law, and dedicated his life to foster mutual respect and love among Jews.
5) Rabbi Jacob Emden was regarded as a scholar of great distinction and his name lives on as the Yaabez. He authored four works, including a still widely used siddur (prayer book) and the work Shaalass Yavatz. He was a fiery opponent of the Shabbateans, the sect of Jews who continued to believe in Shabtai-Zvi as the messiah for the century following the latter?s conversion to Islam. Except for a brief period of time when the Yavatz served as the rabbi of Emden, he was never an elected Jewish authority. Rabbi Eybeschuetz was a teacher and preacher in Prague. Then, he served as rabbi of Metz, Germany, and finally assumed the position of Chief Rabbi of the German communities of Altona, Hamburg and Wandsbeck, until his passing. He authored six books, among them a book of brilliant sermons Yearos Devash and a biblical commentary, Tiferes Yehonasan.