"Iraq after Saddam" has been the dominant issue in the media. However, assuming he survives the pending war, how will Hussein occupy himself and begin his new life? With an impressive resume including running a country for almost 25 years, a multi-billion dollar budget and tens of thousands of employees, Saddam's experience offers many unique opportunities. The following are several employment situations for which he is most certainly well qualified:
1) A Professorship at Harvard in the John F. Kennedy School of Government ? Leftist professors at elite universities and totalitarian dictators share a great deal in common. For one thing, they are constantly being "praised" for what they say, no matter how ridiculous. Yet, their ideas are never challenged by anyone close by. And of course, they all hate Israel.
2) Leader of the Palestinian Authority ? As per the request of the Bush administration, Palestinian leadership must undergo dramatic change. In addition, there has been much criticism of Arafat's public personae with his unshaven appearance and sloppy unistyle army fatigues. Saddam's impeccably tailored wardrobe, tonsorial meticulousness and fine English suits will give the Palestinians a badly needed new image. His photo is already on tens of thousands of color posters throughout the West Bank and Gaza. And he has vast experience at rebuilding a nation after a foolishly devastating defeat and somehow calling it a victory.
3) Work with Oliver Stone on a motion picture documentary about the Middle East ? Sharing co-producer, co-director and screenplay credits, these two writer/artists will collaborate to accurately portray the current Middle East situation. Their historically factual story line begins in 1945, when a large group of Jews disseminated propaganda about a Holocaust in Eastern Europe, while destroying the beautiful cities of Tel Aviv, Haifa and Netanya, where the Arab population had lived for over 2,000 years.
4) Head of the ACLU ? As a renowned world figure, respected throughout the Arab and Muslim street, Saddam would be an excellent fund-raiser and dinner chairman for all ACLU events. Should anyone decide to prosecute him for war crimes, he will have co-member Alan Dershowitz close at hand, who has already expressed the view that "everyone" deserves a fair trial, including Adolf Hitler.
5) CEO of a major chemical company ? With Saddam's vast expertise in the manufacture and handling of dangerous chemicals, he can carefully institute new safety procedures throughout the company and initiate a secret r&d program without worrying about patent infringement or scientists speaking to competitors.
6) Member of the boards of Peace Now and Tikkun ? Sharing a special concern for Palestinian rights and Arabs living in Israel with Tzali Reshef and Michael Lerner, Saddam will sponsor major studies on this subject and two others which are dear to his heart - violence in the family and environmental disasters. In addition, this trio may collaborate on writing the definitive book about the moral (sic) consequences of the worldwide anti-war movement and its relationship with halting American/Israeli aggression and colonialism.
7) Congressional intern for David Bonior ? Since Bonior lost the employment of the son of recently jailed University of South Florida professor/terrorist sponsor, Sami Al-Arian, there is an opening for a new aide. Bonior can call upon Mr. Hussein's vast expertise and networking to make discounted travel arrangements for his next trip to Baghdad.
8) Op-Ed writer for the New York Times ? With Saddam's strong opinions against America and Israel, and his close philosophical alliances with France and Germany, he would quickly become chief editorial writer. Early bets are that the New York Times will endorse Ramsey Clark against Bush in 2004.
9) President of Amnesty International ? With his vast knowledge of human rights abuses and torture, Mr. Hussein would continue to focus on Israeli abuses toward Palestinians and on the "occupation," while ignoring the genocide of one million blacks by Muslims in Sudan. After all, only white Europeans can be human rights abusers. There is already some talk of re-opening the "Massacre in Jenin" file.
10) Partner in a consulting business with Yossi Sarid and Yossi Belin ? Sharing many common values, both Yossis and Saddam should quickly become a highly sought-after group. Their talents and philosophies seem to compliment each other. They all wrote books or articles implying their own greatness. They all have a particular dislike of Judaism to various degrees. They all like to hear themselves talk, but make little sense. They all hate Ariel Sharon and George Bush. They all love to deal with Europe, especially France and Germany. They all want the UN to save their country. They all consider religious Jews a major problem.
11) Election strategist advisor for Amram Mitzna ? Receiving 100% of the Iraqi vote in the latest elections is proof that a Labor turnaround may indeed be possible.
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Irwin N. Graulich is a well known motivational speaker on morality, ethics, Judaism and politics. He is also President and CEO of Bloch Graulich Whelan Inc., a leading marketing, branding and communications company in New York City. He can be reached at irwin.graulich@verizon.net.
1) A Professorship at Harvard in the John F. Kennedy School of Government ? Leftist professors at elite universities and totalitarian dictators share a great deal in common. For one thing, they are constantly being "praised" for what they say, no matter how ridiculous. Yet, their ideas are never challenged by anyone close by. And of course, they all hate Israel.
2) Leader of the Palestinian Authority ? As per the request of the Bush administration, Palestinian leadership must undergo dramatic change. In addition, there has been much criticism of Arafat's public personae with his unshaven appearance and sloppy unistyle army fatigues. Saddam's impeccably tailored wardrobe, tonsorial meticulousness and fine English suits will give the Palestinians a badly needed new image. His photo is already on tens of thousands of color posters throughout the West Bank and Gaza. And he has vast experience at rebuilding a nation after a foolishly devastating defeat and somehow calling it a victory.
3) Work with Oliver Stone on a motion picture documentary about the Middle East ? Sharing co-producer, co-director and screenplay credits, these two writer/artists will collaborate to accurately portray the current Middle East situation. Their historically factual story line begins in 1945, when a large group of Jews disseminated propaganda about a Holocaust in Eastern Europe, while destroying the beautiful cities of Tel Aviv, Haifa and Netanya, where the Arab population had lived for over 2,000 years.
4) Head of the ACLU ? As a renowned world figure, respected throughout the Arab and Muslim street, Saddam would be an excellent fund-raiser and dinner chairman for all ACLU events. Should anyone decide to prosecute him for war crimes, he will have co-member Alan Dershowitz close at hand, who has already expressed the view that "everyone" deserves a fair trial, including Adolf Hitler.
5) CEO of a major chemical company ? With Saddam's vast expertise in the manufacture and handling of dangerous chemicals, he can carefully institute new safety procedures throughout the company and initiate a secret r&d program without worrying about patent infringement or scientists speaking to competitors.
6) Member of the boards of Peace Now and Tikkun ? Sharing a special concern for Palestinian rights and Arabs living in Israel with Tzali Reshef and Michael Lerner, Saddam will sponsor major studies on this subject and two others which are dear to his heart - violence in the family and environmental disasters. In addition, this trio may collaborate on writing the definitive book about the moral (sic) consequences of the worldwide anti-war movement and its relationship with halting American/Israeli aggression and colonialism.
7) Congressional intern for David Bonior ? Since Bonior lost the employment of the son of recently jailed University of South Florida professor/terrorist sponsor, Sami Al-Arian, there is an opening for a new aide. Bonior can call upon Mr. Hussein's vast expertise and networking to make discounted travel arrangements for his next trip to Baghdad.
8) Op-Ed writer for the New York Times ? With Saddam's strong opinions against America and Israel, and his close philosophical alliances with France and Germany, he would quickly become chief editorial writer. Early bets are that the New York Times will endorse Ramsey Clark against Bush in 2004.
9) President of Amnesty International ? With his vast knowledge of human rights abuses and torture, Mr. Hussein would continue to focus on Israeli abuses toward Palestinians and on the "occupation," while ignoring the genocide of one million blacks by Muslims in Sudan. After all, only white Europeans can be human rights abusers. There is already some talk of re-opening the "Massacre in Jenin" file.
10) Partner in a consulting business with Yossi Sarid and Yossi Belin ? Sharing many common values, both Yossis and Saddam should quickly become a highly sought-after group. Their talents and philosophies seem to compliment each other. They all wrote books or articles implying their own greatness. They all have a particular dislike of Judaism to various degrees. They all like to hear themselves talk, but make little sense. They all hate Ariel Sharon and George Bush. They all love to deal with Europe, especially France and Germany. They all want the UN to save their country. They all consider religious Jews a major problem.
11) Election strategist advisor for Amram Mitzna ? Receiving 100% of the Iraqi vote in the latest elections is proof that a Labor turnaround may indeed be possible.
--------------------------------------------------------
Irwin N. Graulich is a well known motivational speaker on morality, ethics, Judaism and politics. He is also President and CEO of Bloch Graulich Whelan Inc., a leading marketing, branding and communications company in New York City. He can be reached at irwin.graulich@verizon.net.