Last week was very difficult for me. I thought maybe it was the fact that the space shuttle blew up and that whole experience brought a sense of helplessness unmatched by anything since 9/11. I began to accept the explanation of my friends, that the shuttle reawakened the 9/11 feelings I had and made me fall into a depression. It seemed like the easiest explanation.
Yet it wasn?t the reason that I was feeling sad. I discovered the real reason behind my feelings in a discussion with my rabbi. As I talked to him about how I was feeling, a realization came over me. It wasn?t the shuttle, it was me. Yes, I mourned the shuttle and I was upset by the shuttle disaster (who wasn?t?), but this was not the cause of my sadness lately ? it only added to it.
I realized that everything right now in my life, and in the Jewish world, seems to be in transition. Everything is anticipatory.
I said to my rabbi, ?I can deal with something once it happens, but when it is only talked about, when it is only in the works, it is hard for me to deal with. I can?t stand it when things are not decided or settled.?
He said, ?So, if you had been in the desert with Moshe, you would have ...?
He let me finish the sentence, ?I would have said, ?What are the coordinates of where we are going and the schedule for when we need to be there, and I will walk by myself! I can?t stand all this wandering around!?? I answered.
?Yes,? he said, ?I expected that answer from you.?
So, what is all this wandering around going to accomplish? I am, obviously, one of the people who would have been complaining in the desert. I would have been impatient and judgmental. I definitely need to work on my middot.
But please! Look at what is going on in the world. Don?t I have a reason to complain? Israeli voters gave the right wing a huge mandate, a giant yell that said ?we are tired of this terrorism and lies!? Then what happened? More of the same. Ariel Sharon ran after the left, lapping at their heels. He is throwing away the power given to him. President Bush seems resolute with Iraq, but he wants to give away half of Israel to the Arabs, who have lied and cheated and killed. The result? More terrorism. More lies. More unrest. And now a bunch of Arabs screaming that they want to fight for Iraq. Great. Just great.
So, I looked for leadership somewhere else. I want a charismatic leader, someone who will rally my sagging hope for the future of Israel. I want to listen to wonderful speeches, feel like I am a part of something great, and I want to be able to do something, even from this distance. So, I turned from Israeli leaders and I looked to organizations that I have known and loved.
At the Jewish Defense League, the leadership is dissolved ? Irv Rubin dead, Kruger pleaded guilty to something he probably didn?t do, and no one is even updating their web site.
I looked to Chabad, who were helpful when I wanted to return and learn more about Judaism, and who even encouraged me to reclaim my Sephardic heritage. They are still doing great work, but they lost their most charismatic leader, and there is no one in the wings waiting to take the stage.
I looked to the small group of Sephardic movers and shakers that I know here in the States, but they aren?t saying much. Mostly, they are struggling so hard to try to keep the culture from dying that there isn?t time for charismatic leaders and clear direction toward a common goal. They are mired in local problems and serious issues that they must attend to immediately.
It was then that I realized that I was truly one of those wandering in the desert. My rabbi was right to bring it up. He has told me before that I am still in Nevada because I need to learn the lesson of the desert here. Every Jew must learn the lesson of the desert ? that we must trust only in Hashem, and that Moshe was not the leader, Hashem was, and is. The people complaining in the desert are complaining against Hashem, even if they want to blame it on their leaders.
Those who are wandering are not wandering because they are lost as a people, but because they are lost as Jews. Our desert is ourselves. We wander in the desert because we have not learned that the wandering does not end when we are lead somewhere by a leader, but when we are ready to lead ourselves to the truth, speak the truth to others, and demand that we all stand up for one another. It is the time to put all of our resources into protecting our important place in the world.
We must each become a charismatic leader with a purpose and stop waiting for someone to save us. We can?t forget the lesson of the lulav: Every Jew counts. We need the willow as well as the etrog if we are to find wholeness and resolution in our lives.
We need PR people to get busy getting the word out about Israel with clear marketing plans, and professionals who will volunteer to help struggling non-profits, communities, and religious groups who can?t normally afford those services. We need pro-Israel organizations to clearly define their spokespersons and make them available to the media, and to teach others to speak out. We need rabbis, roshei yeshiva, and Torah scholars to push pro-Israel and pro-Jewish perspectives without compromise or apology ? no matter what their affiliation ? and we need everyone to learn and to teach to their greatest capacity.
We must stand together against increasing pressure to give up our Jewish values and make compromises that are not based on Torah. Remember that other religions can be ?tolerant? of us because their religions are based upon ours. When they agree with our way, it only strengthens them, but when we agree with their way, we destroy ourselves. Judaism is based solely upon Hashem. Yes, we appear more intolerant, but that is the nature of staying true to Hashem. Why do you think we have been slaughtered throughout history? Jews can?t compromise on Jewish values, because they are not our own, they are Hashem?s. Jews can?t compromise on Israel because it is not our own, it is Hashem?s. We are only the caretakers for Hashem?s words, His land, and His legacy - in our people.
We have to explain to those who do not understand, especially our own people, that we cannot and will not deny our Jewish identity in order to appear more politically correct. We cannot afford to be silent or self-effacing. We are fighting for our very survival. We have a right, and a responsibility, to be here, to do what we are doing, and to say what we are saying. We cannot stand by while golden idols are built in our midst. We must speak loudly, clearly, and resolutely for Judaism and the Jewish state, and make no apologies for doing so.
I realize that these are the lessons of the desert. We must learn that Hashem is our only leader, and that we must take responsibility to be a nation of leaders to others. We each have a special responsibility to get through the desert on our own, or die trying. We each have the capacity to know who we are, to know where we are going, and to know how to get there ? but can only get there by learning and teaching and pushing ourselves and each other, every step of the way.
Our road map is Torah. Our leader is Hashem. The rest is up to us.
--------------------------------------------------------
Michelle Nevada lives in a small town in rural Nevada. She can be contacted at [email protected].
Yet it wasn?t the reason that I was feeling sad. I discovered the real reason behind my feelings in a discussion with my rabbi. As I talked to him about how I was feeling, a realization came over me. It wasn?t the shuttle, it was me. Yes, I mourned the shuttle and I was upset by the shuttle disaster (who wasn?t?), but this was not the cause of my sadness lately ? it only added to it.
I realized that everything right now in my life, and in the Jewish world, seems to be in transition. Everything is anticipatory.
I said to my rabbi, ?I can deal with something once it happens, but when it is only talked about, when it is only in the works, it is hard for me to deal with. I can?t stand it when things are not decided or settled.?
He said, ?So, if you had been in the desert with Moshe, you would have ...?
He let me finish the sentence, ?I would have said, ?What are the coordinates of where we are going and the schedule for when we need to be there, and I will walk by myself! I can?t stand all this wandering around!?? I answered.
?Yes,? he said, ?I expected that answer from you.?
So, what is all this wandering around going to accomplish? I am, obviously, one of the people who would have been complaining in the desert. I would have been impatient and judgmental. I definitely need to work on my middot.
But please! Look at what is going on in the world. Don?t I have a reason to complain? Israeli voters gave the right wing a huge mandate, a giant yell that said ?we are tired of this terrorism and lies!? Then what happened? More of the same. Ariel Sharon ran after the left, lapping at their heels. He is throwing away the power given to him. President Bush seems resolute with Iraq, but he wants to give away half of Israel to the Arabs, who have lied and cheated and killed. The result? More terrorism. More lies. More unrest. And now a bunch of Arabs screaming that they want to fight for Iraq. Great. Just great.
So, I looked for leadership somewhere else. I want a charismatic leader, someone who will rally my sagging hope for the future of Israel. I want to listen to wonderful speeches, feel like I am a part of something great, and I want to be able to do something, even from this distance. So, I turned from Israeli leaders and I looked to organizations that I have known and loved.
At the Jewish Defense League, the leadership is dissolved ? Irv Rubin dead, Kruger pleaded guilty to something he probably didn?t do, and no one is even updating their web site.
I looked to Chabad, who were helpful when I wanted to return and learn more about Judaism, and who even encouraged me to reclaim my Sephardic heritage. They are still doing great work, but they lost their most charismatic leader, and there is no one in the wings waiting to take the stage.
I looked to the small group of Sephardic movers and shakers that I know here in the States, but they aren?t saying much. Mostly, they are struggling so hard to try to keep the culture from dying that there isn?t time for charismatic leaders and clear direction toward a common goal. They are mired in local problems and serious issues that they must attend to immediately.
It was then that I realized that I was truly one of those wandering in the desert. My rabbi was right to bring it up. He has told me before that I am still in Nevada because I need to learn the lesson of the desert here. Every Jew must learn the lesson of the desert ? that we must trust only in Hashem, and that Moshe was not the leader, Hashem was, and is. The people complaining in the desert are complaining against Hashem, even if they want to blame it on their leaders.
Those who are wandering are not wandering because they are lost as a people, but because they are lost as Jews. Our desert is ourselves. We wander in the desert because we have not learned that the wandering does not end when we are lead somewhere by a leader, but when we are ready to lead ourselves to the truth, speak the truth to others, and demand that we all stand up for one another. It is the time to put all of our resources into protecting our important place in the world.
We must each become a charismatic leader with a purpose and stop waiting for someone to save us. We can?t forget the lesson of the lulav: Every Jew counts. We need the willow as well as the etrog if we are to find wholeness and resolution in our lives.
We need PR people to get busy getting the word out about Israel with clear marketing plans, and professionals who will volunteer to help struggling non-profits, communities, and religious groups who can?t normally afford those services. We need pro-Israel organizations to clearly define their spokespersons and make them available to the media, and to teach others to speak out. We need rabbis, roshei yeshiva, and Torah scholars to push pro-Israel and pro-Jewish perspectives without compromise or apology ? no matter what their affiliation ? and we need everyone to learn and to teach to their greatest capacity.
We must stand together against increasing pressure to give up our Jewish values and make compromises that are not based on Torah. Remember that other religions can be ?tolerant? of us because their religions are based upon ours. When they agree with our way, it only strengthens them, but when we agree with their way, we destroy ourselves. Judaism is based solely upon Hashem. Yes, we appear more intolerant, but that is the nature of staying true to Hashem. Why do you think we have been slaughtered throughout history? Jews can?t compromise on Jewish values, because they are not our own, they are Hashem?s. Jews can?t compromise on Israel because it is not our own, it is Hashem?s. We are only the caretakers for Hashem?s words, His land, and His legacy - in our people.
We have to explain to those who do not understand, especially our own people, that we cannot and will not deny our Jewish identity in order to appear more politically correct. We cannot afford to be silent or self-effacing. We are fighting for our very survival. We have a right, and a responsibility, to be here, to do what we are doing, and to say what we are saying. We cannot stand by while golden idols are built in our midst. We must speak loudly, clearly, and resolutely for Judaism and the Jewish state, and make no apologies for doing so.
I realize that these are the lessons of the desert. We must learn that Hashem is our only leader, and that we must take responsibility to be a nation of leaders to others. We each have a special responsibility to get through the desert on our own, or die trying. We each have the capacity to know who we are, to know where we are going, and to know how to get there ? but can only get there by learning and teaching and pushing ourselves and each other, every step of the way.
Our road map is Torah. Our leader is Hashem. The rest is up to us.
--------------------------------------------------------
Michelle Nevada lives in a small town in rural Nevada. She can be contacted at [email protected].