?We hope it is spring,? effused Foreign Minister Shimon Peres in his United Nations address, lauding Arafat terror-wing Fatah?s campaign promise to establish a Palestine based on democratic principles. So life mirrors art, specifically that musical comedy ?The Producers?, as ?Springtime for Hitler in Germany? spawns ?Springtime for Fatah in Palestine?. ?We look upon these words as a first dawn of a different season.? Peres further gushed.
Presumably to herald that spring season, the very next day Palestinians substituted dancing round the maypole, a colonialist ritual, for a more traditional mass murder and maiming of seventy-nine Jews in Tel Aviv. And who can forget the ?Gaza First Plan?, Ben Eliezer?s Keystone Cop routine to resurrect Oslo?s ?Palestinian authority?, even as Israeli navy boats combed Gaza waters because ?the Palestinians are continuing to smuggle in weapons from every available place?? Seized by these surreal scenarios, I decided to break from reality, too, and pen a ?Peace Plan? for Israel! To add to the tottering heap.
Unlike the Saudi ?Peace Plan?, mine is not smeared on toilet tissue easily flushed in the commode once its usefulness as a diversionary tactic is spent. Quick! Who remembers why the Saudis were in the pillory before they sputtered out ?P-p-peace Plan for Israel?? Uh. And unlike the Nazi or Oslo solutions, mine does not predicate ?peace? on annihilating Jews from vast regions of the earth. Neither is mine based on wishful Oslo thinking, nor on capricious whims of division - Lord knows, since the demise of the Ottoman Empire, the Middle East has seen enough of those. No, no. Mine is based on a loud one-note sound byte, which will ensure early adoption, since even UNRWA will be able to notice it. So why wait any longer for peace? Let?s mend our bleeding world today!
The sound byte is ?Don?t reinvent the wheel, emulate the masters!?
With Jews on the defensive the world over, we must ask, ?What would Muslim-Arabs do in our situation?? They obviously are much better than Jews at this ?keeping your country? game. After all, at the century?s inception Muslim-Arabs had ? let?s see here ? zero countries. And now they?ve got ? um, well the Allies gave them about 19, then dealt a biggie to fanatical Wahahibi sect leader Ibn Saud, who instantly renamed himself King Saud and renamed his sand pile the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, after himself, and began wheeler-dealing at oil-barrel. So that made 20. But then the Hashemites demanded one, too, so of course they were given one, too most of Palestine, whose name they immediately discarded and renamed TransJordan, which they later renamed Jordan (perhaps around the same time they renamed Judea and Samaria their ?West Bank?). So that made 21. And a few decades later more Muslim-Arabs picked up the option on the discarded Jordanian name ?Palestinians?, renamed themselves ?Palestinians? (shrewdly conserving ?Judeans? and ?Samarians? for future options) and terrorized or ethnically cleansed most Christians from the one country the League of Nations had set aside specifically for Christian Arabs (Lebanon, for those who still haven?t done their homework). So that made 22, and then they ?. it?s still 22 now?
Frankly I?ve lost count. And all throughout, ever since the 1917 ?will? bequeathing Palestine to the Jews, the Muslim-Arabs have continued fighting tooth and nail for every last little bit of the Jewish lands, too. So far they?ve snagged about 80%, and the current tantrums blowing up their kids and threatening to blow our world apart are all to nab about 10% more, so they can leave the Jews with only 10% of the original, the easier to pacman my dear. So, in summation, the ?poor, humiliated, colonially repressed? Muslim-Arabs have gone from zero to 22, maybe 23 really great countries in under a century, and leveraged their resources (oil and terror) into considerable covert world threatening power to boot. Good going! They?re on a roll!
By comparison, during that same time, the ?expansionist Zionist? Jews, having scrounged almost two thousand years as stateless apartheid Middle Eastern dhimmis and European shlemiels, had a promise in 1917 of their Palestine region (yeah, yeah, same old promised land promised in the Bible). But wait! Before those acquisitive Jews actually got it, 80% was creamed off the top and given to uh ? let?s see, who was it given to instead ? ah yes, the Muslim-Arabs. Then a few years later half the remaining sliver was offered to ? oh, more Muslim-Arabs. But they rejected their half sliver.
Not that they didn?t want it. Oh, they wanted it all right. From the latter 1800?s when they?d first noticed Jews cultivating miracles from barren dunes and malaria-ridden swamplands, they?d wanted it a whole lot. In fact the majority of Muslim-Arabs who today call themselves ?Palestinians? came in droves from Egypt and other Arab countries in the 1920?s 30?s and 40?s just to get it! In fact, five Arab countries wanted that half sliver by 1948. They only rejected the UN offer because they wanted the whole sliver, loathe to let any inheritance whatsoever pass to their second class ?dhimmi? cousins. And they were confident they?d get it. One must remember they?d already convinced their new buddies, the Allies, to give them a 5,414,000 square mile real estate bonanza because a few Arabs and a Brit named Laurence snuck around the back way to town and won one battle. Considering the lack of effort to acquire that, Arabs figured pocketing the tiny Jewish portion would be a piece-of-cake. Suddenly Britain and the US State Department were torn between a paper promise to some shabby little resource-poor minority schlepping oranges and thorny roses for a living, or the opportunity to make mega bucks in development deals with slippery oil-rich kingdom princes. Needless to say, the world?s Jews are still slavishly working at keeping their one little sliver while the Muslim-Arabs sprawl on 22 countries and continue insatiably frothing at the mouth for the 23rd to add to their ever-expanding collection.
What can Jews learn from this? What have the Muslim-Arabs done to win so gosh-darned many countries in only 80 years?
As you may have noticed, they play name games. Even though they share language, food, dress, customs, religion, ethnicity, still they claim to be different, based, as far as I can tell, primarily on their inability to get along with each other. They differ because they bicker - like kids from the same family who won?t sit beside each other in the SUV. In fact, there would probably be more than 22 countries if their regimes weren?t so repressive there would be 22 thousand, each one about the size of a clan.
Truth is, there is less diversity in those 22 countries than in the one United States, or even any 22 European countries. Yet homogeneous Muslim-Arabs create many different names for themselves, and once they have a different name, look out world! They?d better be handed their own country on a platter and their own state-of-the-art dictator in fanciful dress - a dictator who immediately installs his own vote at the UN and his own phone to the US State Department. Actually, Arafat completely bypassed the getting-a-country phase and vaulted directly to his illustrious phone ringing, Nobel Prize winning, red carpet prancing career as a fancifully dressed kleptocratic billionaire dictator immediately upon adopting the TransJordanian discarded name ?Palestinians?. So the Arabs have 23 lively phones constantly ringing at the US State Department while ?expansionist? Israel has only one. And only one vote at the UN.
Well, I have a photo of the villa in Poland nestled in the birch tree woods, that my father?s family owned, with a kaboodle of my relatives, (blocked from Palestine and murdered by Arab/Mufti/Nazi Holocaust machinations), arranged on the lovely veranda and steps. In fact, I?ve even visited it. And I could definitely dig up an antique ?key to our villa?. Jews lived in Poland for at least 600 years.
?Learning from the masters?, I suppose we should gather all the aging members of the Lodzer, Warsaw and Krakow Congregations with their two or three generations of offspring and head to Poland with our photos, take up residence in pathetic hovels, and bomb Polish babies until in ?exchange for peace? they give us statehood in Lodz, Warsaw, and Krakow, not separated into three inconvenient ?cantons?, no! We want all the land in between too! If they refuse our extortion, er, I mean ?offer of peace? we should further terrorize, er, I mean ?freedom fight? by; blowing up crowds of sweet unsuspecting Polish citizens in their kielbasa and fryki shops at lunch or grandmas and grandkids licking lodi cones, shooting them in their cars as they drive to work, strolling into their bedrooms and shooting their kids dead, and calling for boycotts on key exports such as art glass fancies, textile manufacturing, and affordable knock-offs of expensive German lawn ornament dwarves, bunnies and Bambis, until their economy collapses. And if they come after us, we should just run to the biggest holiest church around, shoot our way in, take whoever?s inside hostage, turn it into our personal fortress, and relax after a hard day shooting holes in the blessed walls with a little desecration party, drinking the sacramental wines and hurting the hosts! Learning from the masters, I guess that?s the way to do it! That way the whole world will certainly be boycotting Poland, and condemning Poland, and calling parts of it ?occupied pre-statehood Lodzsawkrak? to give us newly created indigenous Lodzsawkrakians the ?hope? we need to stop murdering others. Living in someone else?s democracy is unthinkable. We must RULE our democracy and appoint our own King.
The European Union would support us strongly, I know. They feel very generously about giving groups who?ve suddenly realized that they?re ?a people? a homeland based on where they had been living for a few decades. They feel great sadness that they?ve been unable to force the Israelis to do it. Well, the good news is the Europeans can now do it themselves! We Polish Jews have the photos! And so do the German Jews, the Hungarian, Austrian, Russian, Rumanian, Spanish, Dutch, Belgian and French Jews!
Jews should have 21 countries too. And be constantly on the lookout for possible new ones. Like the masters, never rest on your laurels no matter how many countries you already have. Jews should splinter into as many groups as possible, and demand complete autonomy of whatever land on which they had homes at any time in the past, free of any and all colonizing influences. The civilized EU must edify the world by dismantling its cynical ?settlements? like Berlin, Paris, Vienna, Amsterdam, Budapest, Warsaw, Prague, London and others that infringe on the rights of the Jews to ?return?.
Really, learning from the masters, anywhere Jews have lived in the past, any Jewish Quarter, should become wretched no-holds-barred battlegrounds until ?liberated? for indigenous Jewish homelands. That would include Medina too. In fact, learning from the masters, let?s demand Medina as OUR capital!
You get the idea. Since 1917 Jews have been slowly learning the lesson that a shrinking Israel is much too tempting a target for the Arabs. The only way to LASTING peace in the Middle East is for Israel to take their cue from the masters and Expand and Demand.
Because, really, what?s the alternative? If the world believes that Jews have no history in the Palestine region but rather just appeared in 1948, then they must believe Jews to be indigenous to Europe and all the Middle Eastern countries in which many lived! I mean, Jews have to be indigenous to somewhere don?t they? At least we can all agree on that, can?t we? That Jews are from Earth?
Or should Astronaut Ilan Ramon show the right stuff by planting the Blue and White in orbit, and, like Peter Ginz from his concentration camp bunk, seriously begin asking for the moon ?
----------------------------
Charlotte West can be reached at
snoozalarm@hotmail.com
Presumably to herald that spring season, the very next day Palestinians substituted dancing round the maypole, a colonialist ritual, for a more traditional mass murder and maiming of seventy-nine Jews in Tel Aviv. And who can forget the ?Gaza First Plan?, Ben Eliezer?s Keystone Cop routine to resurrect Oslo?s ?Palestinian authority?, even as Israeli navy boats combed Gaza waters because ?the Palestinians are continuing to smuggle in weapons from every available place?? Seized by these surreal scenarios, I decided to break from reality, too, and pen a ?Peace Plan? for Israel! To add to the tottering heap.
Unlike the Saudi ?Peace Plan?, mine is not smeared on toilet tissue easily flushed in the commode once its usefulness as a diversionary tactic is spent. Quick! Who remembers why the Saudis were in the pillory before they sputtered out ?P-p-peace Plan for Israel?? Uh. And unlike the Nazi or Oslo solutions, mine does not predicate ?peace? on annihilating Jews from vast regions of the earth. Neither is mine based on wishful Oslo thinking, nor on capricious whims of division - Lord knows, since the demise of the Ottoman Empire, the Middle East has seen enough of those. No, no. Mine is based on a loud one-note sound byte, which will ensure early adoption, since even UNRWA will be able to notice it. So why wait any longer for peace? Let?s mend our bleeding world today!
The sound byte is ?Don?t reinvent the wheel, emulate the masters!?
With Jews on the defensive the world over, we must ask, ?What would Muslim-Arabs do in our situation?? They obviously are much better than Jews at this ?keeping your country? game. After all, at the century?s inception Muslim-Arabs had ? let?s see here ? zero countries. And now they?ve got ? um, well the Allies gave them about 19, then dealt a biggie to fanatical Wahahibi sect leader Ibn Saud, who instantly renamed himself King Saud and renamed his sand pile the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, after himself, and began wheeler-dealing at oil-barrel. So that made 20. But then the Hashemites demanded one, too, so of course they were given one, too most of Palestine, whose name they immediately discarded and renamed TransJordan, which they later renamed Jordan (perhaps around the same time they renamed Judea and Samaria their ?West Bank?). So that made 21. And a few decades later more Muslim-Arabs picked up the option on the discarded Jordanian name ?Palestinians?, renamed themselves ?Palestinians? (shrewdly conserving ?Judeans? and ?Samarians? for future options) and terrorized or ethnically cleansed most Christians from the one country the League of Nations had set aside specifically for Christian Arabs (Lebanon, for those who still haven?t done their homework). So that made 22, and then they ?. it?s still 22 now?
Frankly I?ve lost count. And all throughout, ever since the 1917 ?will? bequeathing Palestine to the Jews, the Muslim-Arabs have continued fighting tooth and nail for every last little bit of the Jewish lands, too. So far they?ve snagged about 80%, and the current tantrums blowing up their kids and threatening to blow our world apart are all to nab about 10% more, so they can leave the Jews with only 10% of the original, the easier to pacman my dear. So, in summation, the ?poor, humiliated, colonially repressed? Muslim-Arabs have gone from zero to 22, maybe 23 really great countries in under a century, and leveraged their resources (oil and terror) into considerable covert world threatening power to boot. Good going! They?re on a roll!
By comparison, during that same time, the ?expansionist Zionist? Jews, having scrounged almost two thousand years as stateless apartheid Middle Eastern dhimmis and European shlemiels, had a promise in 1917 of their Palestine region (yeah, yeah, same old promised land promised in the Bible). But wait! Before those acquisitive Jews actually got it, 80% was creamed off the top and given to uh ? let?s see, who was it given to instead ? ah yes, the Muslim-Arabs. Then a few years later half the remaining sliver was offered to ? oh, more Muslim-Arabs. But they rejected their half sliver.
Not that they didn?t want it. Oh, they wanted it all right. From the latter 1800?s when they?d first noticed Jews cultivating miracles from barren dunes and malaria-ridden swamplands, they?d wanted it a whole lot. In fact the majority of Muslim-Arabs who today call themselves ?Palestinians? came in droves from Egypt and other Arab countries in the 1920?s 30?s and 40?s just to get it! In fact, five Arab countries wanted that half sliver by 1948. They only rejected the UN offer because they wanted the whole sliver, loathe to let any inheritance whatsoever pass to their second class ?dhimmi? cousins. And they were confident they?d get it. One must remember they?d already convinced their new buddies, the Allies, to give them a 5,414,000 square mile real estate bonanza because a few Arabs and a Brit named Laurence snuck around the back way to town and won one battle. Considering the lack of effort to acquire that, Arabs figured pocketing the tiny Jewish portion would be a piece-of-cake. Suddenly Britain and the US State Department were torn between a paper promise to some shabby little resource-poor minority schlepping oranges and thorny roses for a living, or the opportunity to make mega bucks in development deals with slippery oil-rich kingdom princes. Needless to say, the world?s Jews are still slavishly working at keeping their one little sliver while the Muslim-Arabs sprawl on 22 countries and continue insatiably frothing at the mouth for the 23rd to add to their ever-expanding collection.
What can Jews learn from this? What have the Muslim-Arabs done to win so gosh-darned many countries in only 80 years?
As you may have noticed, they play name games. Even though they share language, food, dress, customs, religion, ethnicity, still they claim to be different, based, as far as I can tell, primarily on their inability to get along with each other. They differ because they bicker - like kids from the same family who won?t sit beside each other in the SUV. In fact, there would probably be more than 22 countries if their regimes weren?t so repressive there would be 22 thousand, each one about the size of a clan.
Truth is, there is less diversity in those 22 countries than in the one United States, or even any 22 European countries. Yet homogeneous Muslim-Arabs create many different names for themselves, and once they have a different name, look out world! They?d better be handed their own country on a platter and their own state-of-the-art dictator in fanciful dress - a dictator who immediately installs his own vote at the UN and his own phone to the US State Department. Actually, Arafat completely bypassed the getting-a-country phase and vaulted directly to his illustrious phone ringing, Nobel Prize winning, red carpet prancing career as a fancifully dressed kleptocratic billionaire dictator immediately upon adopting the TransJordanian discarded name ?Palestinians?. So the Arabs have 23 lively phones constantly ringing at the US State Department while ?expansionist? Israel has only one. And only one vote at the UN.
Well, I have a photo of the villa in Poland nestled in the birch tree woods, that my father?s family owned, with a kaboodle of my relatives, (blocked from Palestine and murdered by Arab/Mufti/Nazi Holocaust machinations), arranged on the lovely veranda and steps. In fact, I?ve even visited it. And I could definitely dig up an antique ?key to our villa?. Jews lived in Poland for at least 600 years.
?Learning from the masters?, I suppose we should gather all the aging members of the Lodzer, Warsaw and Krakow Congregations with their two or three generations of offspring and head to Poland with our photos, take up residence in pathetic hovels, and bomb Polish babies until in ?exchange for peace? they give us statehood in Lodz, Warsaw, and Krakow, not separated into three inconvenient ?cantons?, no! We want all the land in between too! If they refuse our extortion, er, I mean ?offer of peace? we should further terrorize, er, I mean ?freedom fight? by; blowing up crowds of sweet unsuspecting Polish citizens in their kielbasa and fryki shops at lunch or grandmas and grandkids licking lodi cones, shooting them in their cars as they drive to work, strolling into their bedrooms and shooting their kids dead, and calling for boycotts on key exports such as art glass fancies, textile manufacturing, and affordable knock-offs of expensive German lawn ornament dwarves, bunnies and Bambis, until their economy collapses. And if they come after us, we should just run to the biggest holiest church around, shoot our way in, take whoever?s inside hostage, turn it into our personal fortress, and relax after a hard day shooting holes in the blessed walls with a little desecration party, drinking the sacramental wines and hurting the hosts! Learning from the masters, I guess that?s the way to do it! That way the whole world will certainly be boycotting Poland, and condemning Poland, and calling parts of it ?occupied pre-statehood Lodzsawkrak? to give us newly created indigenous Lodzsawkrakians the ?hope? we need to stop murdering others. Living in someone else?s democracy is unthinkable. We must RULE our democracy and appoint our own King.
The European Union would support us strongly, I know. They feel very generously about giving groups who?ve suddenly realized that they?re ?a people? a homeland based on where they had been living for a few decades. They feel great sadness that they?ve been unable to force the Israelis to do it. Well, the good news is the Europeans can now do it themselves! We Polish Jews have the photos! And so do the German Jews, the Hungarian, Austrian, Russian, Rumanian, Spanish, Dutch, Belgian and French Jews!
Jews should have 21 countries too. And be constantly on the lookout for possible new ones. Like the masters, never rest on your laurels no matter how many countries you already have. Jews should splinter into as many groups as possible, and demand complete autonomy of whatever land on which they had homes at any time in the past, free of any and all colonizing influences. The civilized EU must edify the world by dismantling its cynical ?settlements? like Berlin, Paris, Vienna, Amsterdam, Budapest, Warsaw, Prague, London and others that infringe on the rights of the Jews to ?return?.
Really, learning from the masters, anywhere Jews have lived in the past, any Jewish Quarter, should become wretched no-holds-barred battlegrounds until ?liberated? for indigenous Jewish homelands. That would include Medina too. In fact, learning from the masters, let?s demand Medina as OUR capital!
You get the idea. Since 1917 Jews have been slowly learning the lesson that a shrinking Israel is much too tempting a target for the Arabs. The only way to LASTING peace in the Middle East is for Israel to take their cue from the masters and Expand and Demand.
Because, really, what?s the alternative? If the world believes that Jews have no history in the Palestine region but rather just appeared in 1948, then they must believe Jews to be indigenous to Europe and all the Middle Eastern countries in which many lived! I mean, Jews have to be indigenous to somewhere don?t they? At least we can all agree on that, can?t we? That Jews are from Earth?
Or should Astronaut Ilan Ramon show the right stuff by planting the Blue and White in orbit, and, like Peter Ginz from his concentration camp bunk, seriously begin asking for the moon ?
----------------------------
Charlotte West can be reached at
snoozalarm@hotmail.com