I?m just wondering.
All day and all night I am wondering when this is going to end. I wonder if upon checking the news I will hear of another Jew killed by the hands of an Arab. I wonder if I am alone in wondering. I wonder how the families of the most recent victims got up this morning, because as a distant relative, I found it quite difficult.
Every day I make the promise to myself to do everything that I can. I am trying to be strong, strong, strong. I struggle every second to turn my despair into fervor - for my learning, for my davening(prayer) - for everything in my life to be l'shem shamayim (for the sake of Heaven). I am getting off the couch of America and moving to Israel. ?Kol dodi dofek?? (?The sound of my Beloved is at the door? ? from the Song of Songs). I hear it! Loud and clear? and I am running to the door. Yet I feel as if I am running alone. In fact, at times I feel as if I open the door only to face myself pointing out that whatever I am doing is just not good enough. Is this evidence of weakness, a lack of faith? So be it. This loneliness is a pain that is like no other, a loneliness that is trying to drown me. I have not succeeded in bringing anyone else to the door and therefore I have done nothing at all. So I try harder and reach out to others in the best way that I can. I speak to hundreds of people and pour my heart out to them. I tell them about my life, describing intimate moments of pain and joy that have brought me to where I am now. I expose my soul to total strangers and for a moment I feel as if I have perhaps done something by doing so. Have I? Alas, two more Jews were killed.
Is it not clear that there has been a letter sent ?to every province to destroy, to kill, to annihilate all the Jews - both young and old, little children and women - and to take the spoil of them for plunder? (from Megilat Esther)? What was the response of Bnei Yisrael (the Children of Israel) to Haman?s plans for the month of Adar? ?There was a great mourning among the Jews, and fasting, and weeping, and wailing.? Why should this Adar be any different? Esther risked her life, approached Achashverosh and asked ?How can I endure to see the destruction of my kindred?? That question should ring loudly in our ears every second. We must ask ourselves if we would do the same as Esther did. Are we not bothered when a Jew is killed, maimed, beaten, shot, stabbed? How long does it take for us to go back to our self imposed distractions after hearing of another Jew who has lost his life because he is just that ? a Jew? There is no greater absurdity then to pray for redemption while continuing to ignore what is happening every day and to submerge ourselves in our own lusts. Nothing will ever happen unless we realize that.
I cringe when a fellow Jew attempts to explain the political solution to what plagues our people. I cry when our own government does the same. Yasser Arafat has been described as having the blood of Jews dripping off of his hands. I say, so do we. So do we, unless we do more. So do we, unless we not only begin to work harder on ourselves, but also show others that they must do the same and help them in doing so.
It starts from within and continues on to our homes, to our friends and to our environment. It must not stop, nor rest until we have touched as many people as we can. Even as Haman recounted the glory of the riches bestowed upon him by the king, he proclaimed ?This avails me nothing as long as I see Mordechai the Jew sitting at the king's gate.? Once again, we as Jews are facing that same proclamation and we must respond accordingly. We cannot give into despair, we cannot allow ourselves to become numb. There must be crying, there must be mourning, we must ?gather together, stand up for ourselves, and slay our enemies? (from the Megilah) in any way we can. Everything we do helps. I am witness to people doing amazing things every day, as I?m sure we all are. Yet it is simply not enough. As Rabbi Milston, Rosh Yeshiva at Midreshet HaRova says, we must ?dig and dig the wells of Avraham Avinu, who dug wells in Israel. The Plishtim (Philistines) filled them in, so Yitzchak came and dug them again. They filled them in again and so Yitzchak dug again, but yet again his objectives were quashed. However, Yitzchak did not relent, he kept on digging until he reached Rehovot, until they stopped challenging his legitimate right to live in peace on his own land.?
If we truly take it upon ourselves to work harder, to dig ? never to rest, not for one moment - then this Adar as well will turn ?from sorrow to joy, from mourning to holiday.? Then, when we finally open the door, together, we will find G-d showing us an end to this horror. Until then, we may expect nothing more than the endurance of our enemies and the deaths of our brethren.
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Bridgitte Gallina is a student at Stern College/Yeshiva University, New York.
All day and all night I am wondering when this is going to end. I wonder if upon checking the news I will hear of another Jew killed by the hands of an Arab. I wonder if I am alone in wondering. I wonder how the families of the most recent victims got up this morning, because as a distant relative, I found it quite difficult.
Every day I make the promise to myself to do everything that I can. I am trying to be strong, strong, strong. I struggle every second to turn my despair into fervor - for my learning, for my davening(prayer) - for everything in my life to be l'shem shamayim (for the sake of Heaven). I am getting off the couch of America and moving to Israel. ?Kol dodi dofek?? (?The sound of my Beloved is at the door? ? from the Song of Songs). I hear it! Loud and clear? and I am running to the door. Yet I feel as if I am running alone. In fact, at times I feel as if I open the door only to face myself pointing out that whatever I am doing is just not good enough. Is this evidence of weakness, a lack of faith? So be it. This loneliness is a pain that is like no other, a loneliness that is trying to drown me. I have not succeeded in bringing anyone else to the door and therefore I have done nothing at all. So I try harder and reach out to others in the best way that I can. I speak to hundreds of people and pour my heart out to them. I tell them about my life, describing intimate moments of pain and joy that have brought me to where I am now. I expose my soul to total strangers and for a moment I feel as if I have perhaps done something by doing so. Have I? Alas, two more Jews were killed.
Is it not clear that there has been a letter sent ?to every province to destroy, to kill, to annihilate all the Jews - both young and old, little children and women - and to take the spoil of them for plunder? (from Megilat Esther)? What was the response of Bnei Yisrael (the Children of Israel) to Haman?s plans for the month of Adar? ?There was a great mourning among the Jews, and fasting, and weeping, and wailing.? Why should this Adar be any different? Esther risked her life, approached Achashverosh and asked ?How can I endure to see the destruction of my kindred?? That question should ring loudly in our ears every second. We must ask ourselves if we would do the same as Esther did. Are we not bothered when a Jew is killed, maimed, beaten, shot, stabbed? How long does it take for us to go back to our self imposed distractions after hearing of another Jew who has lost his life because he is just that ? a Jew? There is no greater absurdity then to pray for redemption while continuing to ignore what is happening every day and to submerge ourselves in our own lusts. Nothing will ever happen unless we realize that.
I cringe when a fellow Jew attempts to explain the political solution to what plagues our people. I cry when our own government does the same. Yasser Arafat has been described as having the blood of Jews dripping off of his hands. I say, so do we. So do we, unless we do more. So do we, unless we not only begin to work harder on ourselves, but also show others that they must do the same and help them in doing so.
It starts from within and continues on to our homes, to our friends and to our environment. It must not stop, nor rest until we have touched as many people as we can. Even as Haman recounted the glory of the riches bestowed upon him by the king, he proclaimed ?This avails me nothing as long as I see Mordechai the Jew sitting at the king's gate.? Once again, we as Jews are facing that same proclamation and we must respond accordingly. We cannot give into despair, we cannot allow ourselves to become numb. There must be crying, there must be mourning, we must ?gather together, stand up for ourselves, and slay our enemies? (from the Megilah) in any way we can. Everything we do helps. I am witness to people doing amazing things every day, as I?m sure we all are. Yet it is simply not enough. As Rabbi Milston, Rosh Yeshiva at Midreshet HaRova says, we must ?dig and dig the wells of Avraham Avinu, who dug wells in Israel. The Plishtim (Philistines) filled them in, so Yitzchak came and dug them again. They filled them in again and so Yitzchak dug again, but yet again his objectives were quashed. However, Yitzchak did not relent, he kept on digging until he reached Rehovot, until they stopped challenging his legitimate right to live in peace on his own land.?
If we truly take it upon ourselves to work harder, to dig ? never to rest, not for one moment - then this Adar as well will turn ?from sorrow to joy, from mourning to holiday.? Then, when we finally open the door, together, we will find G-d showing us an end to this horror. Until then, we may expect nothing more than the endurance of our enemies and the deaths of our brethren.
----------------------------
Bridgitte Gallina is a student at Stern College/Yeshiva University, New York.