This is my second shift this week.
I just waited for her to come.
It's been almost a week now that I'm afraid of the silence.
Because every moment of silence I think of her.
About Ori.
About her last moments,
And for those who will never be.
*
Working in an internal ward introduces you to ugly death
Working as a paramedic brings you to evil death
And so I find myself, for over a decade, with death an inseparable part of my life.
The end is part of the way.
I learned to accept it, sometimes to love it.
Thanks to it I even met G-d.
*
But there are endings that shouldn't happen.
There are endings that scorch and engrave like a sharp scalpel cutting an exposed heart.
Endings that penetrate deep into the soul and don't give one rest.
*
Three years of my life I lived in Jerusalem,
A short distance from Ein Yael, from Ein Lavan, from the Biblical Zoo.
All places that brought me peace in tumultuous days
That refreshed my life and filled my heart with joy.
I don't want to imagine her last moments
The moment when she realized that her soothing trip would become her last moment.
I don't want to, but the thoughts run on their own.
The connection is so trivial to my uncle's last moments
To the verdict that describes every terrible moment of inhuman torture
Which kept me awake from time to time
And made me understand who are those lacking humanity against whom we are in an existential war.
*
I wasn't surprised by the picture of the smiling killer
Unfortunately, the feeble policy in the face of terror has led to this smile.
Releasing terrorists, financing terror with our own hands, and the shameful conditions of imprisonment - prepare the next graves.
That's not my opinion.
This is the reality (and the bereaved families testify that they "joined the club" because of government gestures).
*
We're a nation of peace
Of brotherhood and unity
As such, we're committed to being stronger and more determined in the face of terror.
*
Ori, I hope you look at us from Heaven
And send us light
And hope.
Medical student Ortal Tamam is niece of tortured and murdered IDF soldier Moshe Tamam.
