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The 50 Top Excuses for Not Making Aliyah

By Tzvi Fishman
5/6/2012, 8:05 PM

I wrote this for Facebook, but it's too good not to share. From now on, I'll be blogging at The Jewish Press.com. See you there!

The 50 Top Excuses for Not Making Aliyah

1. Israel is too hot.

2. Israel is too cold.

3. The taxes are too high.

4. I won’t be able to make a living.

5. I don’t want to serve in the army.

6. I don’t want my children to serve in the army.

7. The Israelis are rude.

8. I hate getting elbowed.

9. You can’t find a real bagel.

10. The cream cheese stinks.

11. The pastrami is lousy.

12. They don’t have real rye bread.

13.  I can’t leave my parents.

14. No baseball.

15. I’m afraid to drive there.

16. I’m afraid of the Arabs.

17. I’m afraid of my mother.

18. I can’t learn Hebrew at my age.

19. The Israelis make fun of American accents.

20. The State of Israel is traf.

21. There’s preetzut all over the place.

22. They kicked Jews out of their homes in Gush Katif.

23. They hate the Orthodox.

24. There’s only one golf course.

25. It’s too far away from the Caribbean.

26. You can serve Hashem anywhere.

27. My girlfriend doesn’t want to leave her parents.

28. It isn’t written in the Torah.

29. The Gedolim say we don’t have to go.

30. I’m waiting for Moshiach.

31. I don’t want to leave my psychiatrist.

32. I don’t want to leave my neurologist.

33. I don’t want to leave my hair dresser.

34. The toilet paper is too thin.

35. The bathrooms are too small.

36. There’s no central heating.

37. There’s no wall-to-wall carpeting.

38. I’ll miss Xmas shopping.

39. I can’t stomach humus.

40. Falafel

41. They won’t accept my wife’s conversion.

42. I don’t know anybody there.

43. No one knows me.

44. I won’t be able to find a job as a Rabbi.

45. I still have to pay off college depts.

46. You can’t get the NY Sunday Times.

47. The move will be too traumatic for my dog.

48. Iran is building a nuclear bomb.

49. I’m proud to be an American Jew.

50. Hashem wants us to stay in exile – otherwise He wouldn’t have put us here.

Did I miss anything?

Unfortunately, the list goes on… and on… and on….