Troubled Bride and Groom Ask Web Rabbi: Cancel Wedding?

Baruch Gordon,

לבן ריק
לבן ריק
צילום: ערוץ 7
Baruch Gordon
Baruch Gordon founded the Arutz Sheva - website in 1995 and served as manager and News Director for its English Media Department for 14 years. Today he serves as Director of Development and Public Relations for the Israel Defense Forces Preparatory Academy in Bet El and Bet El Institutions. He also directs which offers countrywide tours of Israel. Baruch founded in Bet El a Smicha Program for working men, and received his smicha in 2014 from Rav Zalman Nechemia Goldberg. Baruch served in the IDF Search and Rescue Unit. Born and raised in Memphis, he was elected International President of United Synagogue Youth in high school and soon after became religious while studying at Tufts University. Baruch resides with his wife Anat, a native Israeli, in Bet El and has 7 Sabra children and even more grandchildren. ...

The "Ask the Rabbi" section of the Bet El Yeshiva's Hebrew website has become the premier venue for secular Israelis seeking rabbinic counsel on the internet. In the two recently-submitted questions below, a bride and groom separately turn to the Web Rabbi asking whether or not to cancel the wedding. The two letters were received several hours apart. Read below to find out what happened in the end…


Dear Rabbi,

My female partner and I are together for three years. We are both traditional Jews.

I keep the Shabbat as much as I can. I don't travel in a car on Shabbat, but I do use the cellular phone and the computer a little bit. I hope to eventually become stronger in my Shabbat observance with G-d's help.

About two weeks ago, my partner and I started talking about getting married and discussed which wedding hall to use.

Over the last few days, I decided that I want to have separate dancing for men and women at the wedding. My younger brother is very knowledgeable in Torah, and he sat down and showed me how severe the transgression of mixed dancing is. Even though I would much prefer mixed dancing, I decided that at my wedding, I want to please Hashem and do His will, and have separate dancing no matter what anyone says including my girlfriend. 

My girlfriend is not willing to even entertain the idea of separate dancing. She won't hear about it and is threatening to end our relationship if I don't change my mind.

What should I do?



Dear Honored Rabbi,

This is the question of my life. I have a boyfriend for the past three years and two weeks ago, he proposed to me. We are both secular Jews. We don't keep Shabbat. He doesn't keep kosher, for example, he mixes milk with meat.

It was clear all along that our wedding would be a regular wedding with mixed men and women's dancing. Out of the clear blue, my boyfriend came up with a decision that there would be separate men and women's dancing at the wedding.

I do not like this at all, nor do I agree to it. I have dreamt about the way I want my wedding to be, and have no desire for it to take on this form. I have faith in G-d and respect Judaism, but do not want to accept something so drastic against my will.

What disturbs me most is that he went ahead and made this huge decision, that he himself doesn't really identify with. I decided that if he continues to insist that there be no mixed dancing, I will be forced to end our relationship and call off the wedding.

He is very dear to me and I love him deeply, but I will not get married with separate dancing.

What should I do? Is that OK for him to decide something against his own practice, and against my will? Am I supposed to go ahead and get married despite his decision?

I would appreciate your urgent attention in this matter.


Yeshivat Bet El's Web Rabbi who is in charge of answering internet inquiries from secular Israelis wrote one warm and encouraging letter to both the bride and groom. In the end, they got married with separate dancing, and it turned out to be very successful.

The couple continues to advance in embracing their Jewish identity. They were in touch with the Bet El Yeshiva's Web Rabbi again over problems that arose with their parents. The Rabbi advised them on this issue as well, and today they maintain excellent relations with both sets of parents.

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