Prime Minister Netanyahu is set to meet with U.S. President Obama tomorrow, Tuesday in the White House. Here's what he should say:
PM Netanyahu is ushered into the Oval Office with his entourage, carrying something very heavy....
Obama: "Hey Bibi-Baby, what's that big velvety thing you're carrying in your arms? Is that a present for Little ol' me?"
Bibi: "It's actually a message for you that I will need to decipher for you, as it is in Hebrew. You see (Bibi clears his throat), 'ahem' -Mr. President without a Birth Certificate', We Jews have a legal title to our Land, and belong to it, and can show you. Our deed to this land is written here in the Torah. This is where our kings reigned, where our people civilized the world, and where our kings and ancestors are buried even today. We have only one home, and it has become intolerable to live there under the daily terror that we face. We need peace and quiet. We need to stop pouring money into terrorist damage control, security and defense, and the fruitless quest for peace with regimes and cultures that don't desire it. Our people need to concentrate on other things we've neglected, like our children's education, our economy, our great contributions of science & technology, and spreading morality, loving kindness and the knowledge of the 'Creator of the Universe', through the Torah, in order to improve the world for all of Mankind."
Obama sits at his desk and puts his feet up on it. "Oh, is that so Jew-boy?".
This little Jew-boy is the acting 'King of Israel' today. A little respect, please. (sigh) Look, we tried it your way, and really it was foolish of us, but we went along the diplomatic track as you urged and pressured us to do. Our peace and security went downhill ever since, as appeasing these extremist Islamic and terrorist regimes only emboldened our enemies to perpetrate even more harm upon us. They saw by our 'good will gestures' and appeasement, that their violence worked. We can't tolerate this anymore. We tired it your way of letting the International Community carve out a peace plan, but no more. We are in a worse situation now than we have ever been in before. The Hezbollah terrorists, under the eyes of the United Nations Peace Keeping Forces, have re-armed and are better equipped than ever before. The Hamas terror organization rules in Gaza and continues to arm themselves with missiles and regularly uses their weapons to target, TARGET OUR CIVILIANS. Iran is almost finished developing nuclear bombs to use against us, and after that, you, in America. Iran is arming Syria and possibly Turkey with thousands of missiles that can reach deep into Israel and it's population centers. It's unacceptable. And so we Jews came up with our plan on how to deal with these enemies we both share, even if you threaten to cut off any arms sales to us. As Pslam 20 so poetically puts it: "Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; but we [come with] will make mention, of the name of the LORD our God."
Bibi places the velvet covered Torah scroll he is carrying, very carefully on the table and unrolls the scroll. He reaches into his pocket to put on a Yarmulke. He takes hold of a long stick which is used to read the Torah and pointing to the different Biblical narratives where G-d says that the Land of Israel belongs to the Jewish People, he reads and translates aloud, the holy passages. He points to the different places which speak about G-d telling the Children of Israel to go out to war and that He will be with them. He tells 'Obama-Without a Birth Certificate' that he hopes the American People and his administration will support Israel in their quest to rid themselves and the world of the Islamic terrorist enemies once and for all, and to bring them to their knees until they beg for an unconditional surrender. Bibi then points to the verse, from the book of Genesis chapter 12:3 "And I will bless them that bless thee, and him that curseth thee will I curse;".
"Are we on the same page?" Bibi asks as he peers into Obama's eyes? "Are you with us, or with the terrorists?"
Obama starts to stammer, "I'm speechless. I, I, I ah, don't know what to say" as he anxiously looks around and yells, "Where's my TelePrompTer!!!!:" Frustrated that he has to wing it on his own, he looks back at Bibi and and blurts out, "You're madder than a wet hen! Listen bub, we have business dealings with the Muslim world. We just got a real firm foothold in the Afghani poppy fields and get a LOT of money from the drug sales. My predecessor, Bush, made nice with the King of Saudi Arabia and I am even closer, since I am his Muslim brother. I, I, I ah mean, I am like a brother to him, you know, in a good neighborly 'Christian' sort of way, was what I meant to say. I mean, heh, it's not like I believe in Mohammed or anything... er, peace be upon him! or that I believe in the 'holy Koran', I mean, Eh, the Koran. Darn! Ah, well, scratch that. Anyway, where's that TelePrompTer!!!!"
Bibi: "Uh, 'Mr. President Without a Birth Certificate', look, we're speaking about the saving of human lives here, and I really can't worry about your business and power interests. This terror war will keep on going, until someone actually wins the war. We are determined, no matter how much the world screams, to finally put an end to this all and win this war. And to ensure this, since the world has turned against us and we realize that we are without friends, we in Israel have decided that we will patch things up the best we know how, and return to our G-d, after all, when we listened to Him, we won our wars. He also keeps His promises to us -unlike the Extremist Muslim world that promises us peace, and then sends it's soldiers to bomb our civilians. Our G-d has also been by our side whenever we called on Him, unlike the fickle relationship we have had with different U.S. Administrations and the Hate department, -excuse me, I meant the State Department -that hates Israel. So, with that, I am leaving you with these wise words from our sage, Rabbi Hillel, 'If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?'
Mr. 'President With No Birth Certificate', I and my countrymen, will be eradicating these evil infrastructures and terrorists, that your people suffered from on 9/11. The world will be a better place because of this -as it was after the Nazis were defeated in WWII. You don't need to thank us, ....but don't bother us either. We'll also be disassembling and eradicating the infrastructure of the Hamas terrorist government in Gaza. We will be taking that region back and re-settling it with our peaceful citizens who were thrown out of their homes. We will, in diplomatic language, be 'encouraging' the Hamas to return our kidnapped soldier, Gilad Shalit, to us by strong means, where it won't be worth their while to keep him a prisoner. Oh, and by the way, we want our brother Jonathan Pollard to be released immediately and return to Israel on my plane with our entourage. He's served already over 20 years in your prison for a crime that others, put away for a similar act -but more subversive, had served much less of a sentence. If he's not released immediately, I will make sure that our Mossad finds, and releases your school records and original birth certificate. It will be the end of your career."
"Go ahead, I was born in Hawaii, and I can prove it!"
"Ok, then, ...prove it!"
"Drat! he got me! Uh, ah, TELEPROMTER! Where's my TELEPROMPTER!!!!"
* Let us all pray that G-d gives Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu the strength and courage to act like a real king of Israel and to stand up for G-d and his country.
And now, you have GOT to watch this.... Israeli soldiers doing guard duty in Hebron get bored, and decide to spice up their early morning watch. As the Mosque plays its usual loud recordings , 'someone' changes the CD and.... flash dance!
or even better, watch it here: